Divorce Court Jokes - 16 Hilarious Divorce Court Jokes

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse Are in Divorce Court

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey's petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, "Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?".

Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: "No, No, No Your Honor. I d...

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole,

so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

In the divorce court today

In the divorce court today an 85-year old farmer divorced his 17-year old wife, claiming he could not keep his hands off her.

He has since fired all of his hands and bought a combine harvester.

A man and his wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem...

The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Ho...

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court

The judge looks at the papers and says to Mickey,

"So it says here that you are filing for divorce on the grounds that your wife is mentally insane. Is that true?"

"I didn't say she was insane!" exclaims Mickey,
"I said she was fucking Goofy!"

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[NSFW] Disney Divorce Court

Mickey and Minnie are sitting in divorce court one day. The Judge, after reading through the papers, looks to Mickey. "You claim you're wanting to divorce your wife cause she's crazy?" He asked with skepticism.

"No," said Mickey, "I want a divorce cause she's fucking Goofy."

Divorce court judge: "Sir, I'm awarding your wife $650 a month alimony."

"That's great, your honor. And I'll send her a little something too."

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What happened to the profiterole who went to divorce court?

She got full custardy.

I missed my cake day but there's my shit joke.

Thankfully in divorce court, there is always two winners!

The lawyers.

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There are four kinds of sex

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YO...

A divorce court judge said to the husband:

"Mr Geraghty, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife 800 dollars a week." "That's very fair, your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.

So I was sitting in divorce court...

and I realized: its a shame a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of rabid wolves.

Yay Jack Handy.

Saw a joke about an elderly couple who were getting a divorce, reminded me of this old gem.

The elder couple are in divorce court. Everything is basically going as per usual except both of the soon to be divorcees are well into their nineties. After seeing all the paperwork, the judge ask, "Now folks, help me understand this. You've been married for over 70 years! Why are you getting a div...

TRUE story

I have a friend

He got $250k inheritance on his 21 bday.

He went to the bar and gave his waitress $100 during the night. She returned it all the next day saying “I’m not taking money from a drunk.” They ended up getting married and she took all his money in divorce court.

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Disney jokes

PINOCCHIO
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper on his manhood and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple of we...

Custody Battle

Husband and wife are fighting in divorce court for the custody of their child.

The judge asked the mother to make her case as to why she deserves to have custody.
The mother puts on a passionate plea and shocks everyone in the court room. When she is done the judge turns to the father...

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