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Ruled Jokes

If women ruled the world there would be no war

Just a bunch of countries not talking to each other.

We used to have empires ruled by emperors and we used to have kingdoms ruled by kings…

Now we have countries…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?

Rename Uranus to Ouranus

The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, r...

So today my wife told me “there would be no wars if women ruled the world.”

And I responded with “yeah that’s because war takes strategy and logic

In other words does anybody have an extra couch I can sleep on for the next year or two

Did you hear about the European country ruled by small guitars?

I think it’s called Uke-reign.


(I came up with this I’m so proud of myself)

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves ...

Long ago,

when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship.

As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate: 'Bring me my red shirt!'

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which t...

It was to be the biggest scientific press conference of the decade.

Geneticist Rick Hallorann spoke to the crowds of reporters, camera flashes illuminating his face.

"The time has finally come for the first human cloning experiment to be performed," he began. "The technology for us to clone humans has been around since the eighties - but only now, after plent...

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

Overhead in a country ruled by a dictator

Citizen: What happened to freedom of speech in this country?

Dictator: Freedom of speech has always been guaranteed in this country. It is freedom after speech which we can’t guarantee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill.

This isn't for any religious reason. They just haven’t been able to find Three Wise Men in DC. A search for a virgin was also fruitless. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Billie Piper has ruled out a return to Dr Who and adventures in the TARDIS...

She said if she wanted to hang around with an eccentrically-dressed know-all who constantly got them into misadventures, she'd remarry Lawrence Fox

What is the name of the city ruled by clowns?

Honk-honk

King Hype Oten ruled all the land.

He was the magnificent king of the Triangular Kingdom, but he was also the executor for those on trial. He hung his victims, a sign to everyone else. But the way he tied the noose was strange. It would kill people in seconds, and for some, it decapitated them. After he died, the noose was never used...

what do you call a country that's ruled by a lion, a witch and a wardrobe?

a banarnia republic

When Thatcher ruled it was Thatcherism!

Does that mean we now have Mayhem?

HBO may have ruled out a GOT spinoff with Arya

But they haven't ruled out a sitcom that follows Tyrion and Bran as they rule the six kingdoms

"Two Half Men"

A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist.

He was a Dic-tater.

A court ruled that sharing click-baits is punishable by death.

What happens next will shock you.

There once was an emperor who ruled over a massive territory.

When he came in to power he passed many strange laws. The first law he passed was that in every sentence that you use the word "or" you must also have an "M" in that same sentence.

The people of his domain could do nothing to oppose this outrageous law because it was the
"M per Ors" decre...

I once watched a documentary about a Russian leader who ruled the Soviet Union and led the Red Terror genocide...

...I thought it was about their current president but it turns out, he's not that Vlad.

Why do we live on a giant rock, but ruled by money?

Because paper beats rock.

Man in court.

The man who has a stammer, has been jailed.

The Judge has ruled he's unlikely to complete his sentence.
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