Paddy O’Toole stood awaiting the verdict of his trial

The judge proclaimed: Patrick O’Toole, there is sufficient evidence to acquit you on all charges. This court finds you innocent of all crimes related to this bank robbery.

Paddy replied: You mean I am free to go?

Judge: Yes. You are free to go.

Paddy: Does this mean I get to ke...

My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas

The police verdict? Hummuscide.

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Mickey Mouse stood before the judge waiting for the verdict on his divorce case.

“Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce. Although you claim she is crazy, the court has found Minnie Mouse to be mentally competent,” proclaimed the judge.

“But your Honor," he said, "I didn't say Minnie was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

How can you tell if someone is rich in America

When the verdict comes back not guilty

Martin Shkreli's guilty verdict

Must be a tough pill for him to swallow.

The verdict on Net Neutrality

[Please pay $49.98 for the ‘News’ Package Bundle to see the verdict]

Out of town trial

A lawyer tries a case out of town, accompanied by his corporate client. After the case is given to the jury, the lawyer and his client wait for the verdict, which doesn't come in for days. After the second day, the lawyer the tells his client to go home, and he'll let him know as soon as the verdict...

I think Aaron Hernandez misunderstood the verdict...

He must have thought it ended in a hung jury.

A law joke that isn't a lawyer joke

A man is put on trial for the charge of stealing his neighbor's pig.

After both sides rest, the jury leaves to deliberate, and an hour later it returns.

"Have you reached a verdict?" the judge asks.

"We have, your honor," the foreman says. "We find the defendant not guilty, but ...

A man is on trial for armed robbery...

The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, “Not guilty.” The defendant leaps to his feet. “Awesome!” he shouts. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”

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A lawyer's trick . . .

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the...

Youtube was taken offline by the courts today for their search algorithm was facilitating paedophelia.

Their lawyers appealed the verdict immediately. But they only got an automated answer that told them to reapply in 30 days.

A man is in court for murder

So a man is in court and is suspected of murder. His defense lawyer is at the last legs of his argument. In one final attempt, he says to the court

"In ten seconds the man my client is suspected of murdering will walk into the courtroom completely unharmed".

The defense lawyer counts...

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A man goes to his doctor

and complains that his penis is developing a bend in the middle. So the doctor ran a series of tests, and had the man return to his office to report the results. "Have you been in the Far East recently, within the last year or so?" "Why, yes," replied the man. "And did you have sex while over there?...

I submit to you, the only joke I have ever heard my father tell.

There are two trees in the forest; one a birch, one a beech. They have grown up together from saplings to fully grown trees. They always had a healthy rivalry going, arguing about everything from the weather to the composition of the soil. In their older years a little sapling started to sprout betw...

TIFU While drinking coffee during jury duty.

We were in the jury room deliberating the verdict. I was drinking a coffee, and dumped some packets of sugar into my beverage. Unfortunately a few were actually salt, and I ended up spitting hot coffee all over the woman next to me.

I tried to help clean off her dress, but accidentally hit h...

R.I.P Bob

Bob was a bus conductor-cum-driver. He had been going through rough times, with his wife leaving him for his best friend. One day on the job, he saw a young woman, probably in her early 20's signalling for the bus. Bob couldn't hold his rage in anymore and vented his frustration on the pedal, killin...

A Man named McMurphy is accused of robbing a bank...

On the last day of his trial, the foreman of the jury stands up.

"Have you reached a verdict?" asked the judge.

"We have your honor..." replied the foreman. "Not guilty!"

"Excellent!" shouted McMurphy "Does that mean i get to keep the money?"

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A soldier comes back from Vietnam...

And finds out he caught some kind of bad crotch-rot from one of the hookers. His dick is changing colors; red, purple, green, so he goes to the VA to get it looked at.

The first doctor sees it and immediately says "I've never seen anything like that, I think we're going to have to amputate".<...

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Aliens abduct a businessman, a scientist and a miner.

"So here's the thing, after achieving everything we could on our home planet we grew bored and now we travel galaxy and ask stupid questions. Here is yours -- what is the biggest number you can possibly think of? If answer amuses us, we grant you immortality, if not, we zap you with this death ray r...

The Portrait Artist

A rich woman wants to commission a well-renowned artist to paint a portrait of her. She arranges to meet with him to discuss terms.

She tells him, "Price is no object, but I have only one condition. I want you to paint me in the nude."

This takes him a bit by surprise, as he is a mar...

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A guy goes to get his physical (long)

So Tom goes to his doctor for his annual physical while sitting in the examining room he notices a large machine with a lot of lights and buttons looking more complicated than the space shuttle cockpit.
The doctor walks in and explains that the this new machine can diagnose every possible ailmen...

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Adam's in the Garden of Eden with God.

God begins to notice that lately Adam has seemed morose while naming the animals. He notices that all of the animals stick together well, but that Adam is kind of a loner and realizes that he must be lonely.

One day God tells Adam that he has a proposition for him. "Look, Adam," God begins,...

Hear about the new bar in town?

Pat and Mike are sitting at the bar when Pat says, "You hear they got this new bar... and you go inside and for half a buck you get a beer, a free lunch and they take you in the back room and get you laid... Mike says, "Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Do you mean to say there's a ne...

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down...

He gets towed to a garage in the nearest town. When he gets there, the mechanic says it will take a while to check it out, so the penguin goes across the street to an ice cream parlor. He goes in and orders a large vanilla cone, then sits on the patio and eats it.

Just as he's finishing, he s...

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