Threaten Jokes

And then I saw her face...

Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.

So I called her Bluff...

Say "Your days are numbered."

I have a hunch it might be me.

More on this after the break.

At the check-in the woman said “window or isle.” I said “window or you’ll what?”

He threatened him with real percussions

He must be stupid. I don’t have one of those, I’m a guy.

SMH, they done gave me a saloon owner to defend me.

Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?

A woman threatens her boyfriend :

"If you won't stop telling me that I'm fat, I'm going to leave you !"

- "Don't do this darling ! Think about our child !" says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay.

- "But we **don't** have any child !" eructs the woman.

- "Wait,... read more

And then I saw her face...

A man is cutting his grass when he gets the sudden urge to be a helpful neighbor and cut theirs too.

His neighbor comes outside and says to him, “I could marry you for cutting my grass, thanks!”

The man walks away and mutters, “People are so unappreciative these days. You do one nice t... read more

But I told her “Babe, I can change!”

As the crowd gathers around, a regular sitting at the bar turns to the guy next to him and says “Fifty bucks he doesn’t do it.”

Lo and behold the man falls to his death, and the regular pays up.

The following day, the bar TV broadcasts the man who committed suicide on the news. The reg... read more

Attack!

Google: "Could you be more specific?"

David Beckham warned me that this might happen.

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ... read more

I said, “Wait, I can change!”

"I can bring it in warm...or I can bring it in cold."

I told her Soviet.

The lion then began to approach the dog in a threatening manner. When the dog realized this, he panicked, but as he tried to run away, he saw a bone nearby, and he got the idea to speak out loud. "Lion meat is delicious!"

The lion suddenly stopped and said: "Wow, this guy is stronger than he... read more

I asked him, "Is that a fret?"

He was quoted for saying "Nobody double crosses me". And look where that got him.

When I fired the pool boy, she said, "Well, you know, you're only firing him because he's so young and good looking, and you feel threatened and insecure, because it reminds you of your own mortality, and you're projecting all these insecurities onto someone else in a very passive/aggressive way, be... read more

But they’re the ones who end up in comma.

And they’re off!

But I'm not scared because he's shooting blanks.

Firefighters attempted to save it by pouring water on a nearby hill and hoping it would trickle down.

She said, "You act so childish whenever I'm around. Now, it's either 'your mom' jokes or me."

I said, "And I, like so many men before me, will eagerly choose your mom."

"You're see, through!"

The husband sobs " Please take whatever you want, but leave her alone" .

Robber : " Wow you must really love your wife ".

Husband " Actually she is my neighbour's wife. Mine will come back from shopping any minute" .

But enough about the church.

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

The dog, who sees the animal's bones next to it, turns to them, licks his lips and says, "What a delicious tiger that was!"

The tiger hears the dog, panics, turns and runs away.

All the while ... read more

I think she's being unfair, it's not like I did anything.

I said: "There's the door"

Chop suey

Ok boomer

But I said I needed thyme to think.

Oh, really?

How about an intelligent woman, with a knife

"Olga," replies the terrified teller.
"Oh, I'm not gonna kill you, my mother's name was Olga"
Turns to a 6'4'' security guard
"I'm gonna kill you then. What's your name?"
Guard: "My name is Boris, but my friends call me Olga"

So when he was in a bad car accident, the people of his town weren’t very sympathetic. But when they learned that he died, they softened up a bit. “I didn’t know that his injuries were life threatening,” one of his neighbors said. Another replied that they weren’t. “Well then how did he die?” th... read more

I think she's bluffing.

The man turns to the woman and says, “I’ll bet you $10 that he jumps”

The woman agrees to this bet, and they continue to watch. The man jumps off the building. Disappointed, the woman turns to hand him $10

The man declines the money. he says sheepishly, “I can’t take your money, I sa... read more

You tell him to watch his bach.

She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle.”

I laughed right in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”

I guess I'll just roll out

Luckily The Police turned up and sorted him out.

Hispanic Room

It was a real abuse of power

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

"I'm about to demonstrate to you how kneecaps are a privilege and not a human right."