I finally finished writing my thesis on constipation.

It was a real struggle to get it out.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

My friends have set me up on a date tonight, they told me she's a paleoanthropologist and wrote her thesis on Pleistocene man.

I really want to make a good impression so I've been watching every episode of Morph I can find.

For my PhD thesis, I wanted to write the best researched paper about General Relativity

But I ran out of time so I failed.

Where did the mackerel get the references for its thesis?

From the fish sauce.

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I finally submitted my thesis about people with a fetish for clocks.

It's about fucking time.

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My wife wrote a thesis on my penis

My wife wrote a thesis and she wanted to show it to me. “Honey, can I read this to you?”

“That’s great of you to write about me, but I’m sorry, I’m busy right now,” I said.

“It’s not long,” she replied.

“Alright, fine, what’s this thesis on my penis?”

“Oh, that was it.”

I was writing an essay about thunderstorms in my English class and I couldn't quite come up with a perfect thesis!

Then it struck me.

A graduate student submits his thesis to his advisor...

A few days later, the advisor returns in with a single note: Needs Improvement.

So the student makes a few changes and resubmits it. Again, the advisor returns it with the single note: Needs Improvement.

This time, the student pores over it, double checks every word, adds every referen...

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I’m writing a masters thesis on the social hierarchies of Ancient Middle Eastern Kingdoms. It’s a pretty serious paper so I want to lend it some levity by adding a joke about eunuchs.

I’m just not sure if I’ve got the balls to do it.

How should you give credit to a parent who helped you write your thesis?

Mention their name in parenthesis.

A professor asks a graduate student what he's working on these days.

"I'm writing a thesis on the survival of the class system in America," the student said.

"Oh, that's interesting. I didn't know there was a class system in America."

"No one does. That's how it survives."

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

The Rabbit's Thesis

Story :

Scene: It's a fine, sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"

Rabbit:"My thesis."

Fox:"Hmm. What is it about?"

Rabbit:"Oh, I'm wri...

A hippoptamus has brought his dissertation to defend before the doctoral committee.

The first professor picks up the dissertation and leafs through it. "Hm, interesting," she says. "Follow me, if you please." She leads the hippo and the rest of the committee out to her car which they pile into and drive to her house. She takes them to her reading room. She sets the papers down on a...

Everyday biology pun

What do you get when you mix picture day with writing a biology essay?



photos-and-thesis

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it ...

I know someone who faked his degree in botany.

He wrote his thesis on artificial Christmas trees.

There once was hippo child prodigy.

Just by hanging around tourists, he learned to talk, and soon thereafter to read.

Eventually, he started attending a nearby primary school for humans and he turned out to be very very smart indeed, even by human standards. Typing, thanks to his symbiotic oxpecker buddy, made him a prolific au...

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A student was working on her doctorate in anthropology ...

and researching for her thesis titled “Dichotomous Dystopian Misogyny in Contemporary Central American Folklore”. She traveled to rural Mexico to track down Poncho ‘Two Guns’ Valdez, a mythic bandito of the Central American highlands.


She walked into a bar and asked the bar tender. “Do yo...

So an engineer, a psychologist, and a physicist are called into a dairy farm that is low on production...

They're each given a day to inspect the farm, then they each deliver a thesis on how best to increase production.

The engineer goes first; he says that if each stall is decreased in area by 40 inches, housing capacity could be doubled.

The psychologist then says that if the walls were...

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I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.

I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.

.

.

.

.

I'll see myself out.

In order to write a good essay about trees..

..you'll need to write a good photosynThesis.

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My friend's a psychology major.

He's writing his thesis on the psychology of sexual fetishes. It's not ready yet, though- he still has some kinks to work out.

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