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Diploma Jokes

What's the difference between a diploma and a roll of wallpaper?

When someone hands you a roll of wallpaper, you know you have a job ahead of you.

Why shouldn’t you hang your diplomas on the refrigerator?

Because a refrigerator shouldn’t have too many degrees.

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.

So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.

there was a suspicion of university diploma forgery

There was a suspicion of university diploma forgery. The police went to investigate that. "There was no proof that any crime was commited," said the police officer, John Brown J.D., M.D., B.D., Ph.D.

"My first appointment with a new dentist!!"

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one....

My name is Alice Smith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which had his full name.
<...

Many people say a diploma is just a piece of paper. I as an educated person beg to differ

It's a piece of cardboard.

I have a PhD

Public Highschool Diploma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got my diploma from my Skydiving class.

I had to repeatedly drop out to graduate.

What do you call a 6 feet tall circle that recently got his diploma from college?

A Graduated cylinder.

I survived the most dangerous place in America...

And all I got was this lousy diploma

For the final piece of coursework in my art diploma, I used my knife to cut a line across Mr Hamill and Mr Wahlberg just after they'd finished eating.

I scored full Marks.

A woman goes to a new dentist for the first time.

When she sees his name on the diploma, she thinks she must've gone to high school with this guy. Then she sees him and thinks it couldn't possibly be the same guy. This overweight, balding guy with wrinkles on his face and tobacco stains down the front of his shirt. But she sits in the big chair and...

A man visits an old friend.

Suddenly, a little girl runs across the room. "Diploma," the friend calls, "bring us two cups of coffee." "Where did she get that name?" asks the astonished visitor.

The friend sighs, "I sent my daughter to university, and that's what she came back with."

I was getting my hair cut the other day...

...and the girl cutting my hair mentioned she had a degree in cosmology. So I asked her whether she thought the cosmic background radiation was the best evidence for the big bang. She said big bangs would not look good on me, and that's the moment when I noticed the diploma on the wall that said "...

Oldie But Goldie - Don't Lose Your Pen!

* Lost your pen = no pen
* No pen = no notes
* No notes = no study
* No study = fail school
* Fail school = no diploma
* No diploma = no work
* No work = no money
* No money = no food
* No food = skinny
* Skinny = ugly
* Ugly = no love
* No love = no marriage
* No...

I’d like to return this. It’s unused.

Clerk: Sir, this is your diploma.

Me: Cash is fine.

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Three very successful businessmen were sitting in a restaurant and discussed about their sons

First businessman goes to say "my son finished Oxford University, now he has his own company, he's rich and for his best friend's birthday he got him a brand new Lamborghini"


"Wow that's very impressive" they all agree


Second one says "my son, my pride and joy, he opened his ow...

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Waving a Nazi flag at a Bernie rally

Is like waving a diploma at a Trump rally.

What do you call a handicap sticker in Oklahoma?

A high school diploma.

There was once a college math professor

While he was on tenure, he decided to continue taking classes in other subject areas because they were offered to him at a discounted cost. After 40 years of teaching, the professor decided to retire. Over his time working, he had amassed enough credits to have completed 180 different major programs...

A rabbit says to a fox, "I'm writing a dissertation on how rabbits eat foxes"

"Come on, you know that's impossible! No one will publish such rubbish." says the fox

"Well, follow me and I'll show you." They both go into the rabbit's dwelling and after a while, the rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.

Then comes a wolf. "Hello, what are we doin...

Time takes it's toll

So, I was sitting in the waiting-rom at my new dentist. While looking at the diplomas on the wall I noticed his name was familiar. Could he be the same John Andersen I went High school with at Riverside, back in "78? I used to have such a crush on him. He was the cutest. Tall, dark, charming and fun...

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So there was this wasp who lives in a jungle. (long)

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would g...

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Buttermilk pancakes and an orange Popsicle

There once was a man who loved trains more than anything else in the world. Ever since he was a boy, he would play with his toy trains and dream of driving trains for a real train company.



So, when he turned 18, he packed his bags and waved goodbye to his family. He headed out the doo...

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