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Dale Jokes

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It's Dale's last day as a postman

25 years he's been delivering the mail to the same neighborhood. When it was time to retire, he let everyone know ahead of time, that way if there was an issue with their mail, they new it would be a new letter carrier. As he made his way along his route, he found little going away gifts from some t...

Arkansas.

Two rednecks, Dale and Billy Ray, were walking downtown, window shopping and suddenly, they see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $10 each, shirts $2 each, trousers $3 each".

Dale says to his buddy, "Billy Ray, looky there! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Arkansas, sel...

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What do Dale Earnhardt and Adolf Hitler have in common?

They both died before finishing a race.

What do Donald Trump, Pink Floyd, and Dale Earnhardt Sr have in common?

Their biggest hits were all "The Wall"

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

What is the difference between Dale Earnhardt Jr and Jesus Christ?

One of them is the son of God and the other one died for your sins

Howard and Dale walk into a bar

They sit down at the bar and see people scuba diving on the tv.

"So here's a question" says Howard "How come scuba divers sit on the side of the boat with their oxygen tanks facing outward, and fall backwards off the boat?"

Dale thought for a minute and then said "Thats easy, if they f...

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What's Dale Earnhardt's favorite Pink Floyd album?

Dark side of the moon.

You sick bastard.

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A guy walks into a bar with two black eyes after a church service.

His friend ask "Dale, what the hell happened to your face?"

"When the lady sitting in front of me stood up to sing the hymns, I noticed her dress was clutched between her butt cheeks, so, being poIite I pulled it out, she turned around and punched me in the eye."

"Well, how did you get...

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, De...

Reintroducing "All the children" jokes

This is a blatant repost because a year ago, I had a day full of laughs because of this thread, so I would like to give credit to /u/joschon for blessing us all with this a year ago.


Here in Sweden, there's a classic joke cycle called "All the children-jokes". They're kind of like limeric...

Racecar backwards is still racecar

But racecar sideways is how Dale Earnhardt died.

An old man gets two doses of bad news from his doctor...But which is worse?

"Well Dale, your results are in... I have some bad news and some really bad news."

"Just hit me with the worst first Doc. What's the really bad news? Get it out of the way."

The doctor takes a deep breath and prepares to tell Dale the news.

"Ok... Dale you do have lung cancer. T...

Martha

Dale and Martha have been getting along in years, and Dale has become more and more concerned with his wife's worsening hearing loss.

One day, while she is working in the garden he decides to give her a little test.

He steps out onto the porch and says "Martha" she doesn't respond. ...

"Hey, can i get a hand over here?"

"Damn it dale you've been using that joke ever since you lost your hand 5 YEARS AGO."

Two couples decide to swap partners for the evening.

Couple 1: “Oh my goodness Morgan I’m so glad we swapped tonight. I needed this freak night”. “Me too Dale. Let’s go see how the girls did!”

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West Virginia Zoo just got a new gorilla!

A small zoo in West Virginia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. ...

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Roy Rogers and the mountain lion

Back in the 1950s, cowboy star Roy Rogers bought a brand new pair of expensive cowboy boots. Cowboy boots are notoriously stiff when they're new so Roy spent all morning oiling and working the leather to try to soften them up a bit. He then took them out onto the back porch to dry in the sunlight wh...

There's this penguin...

There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.

Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He g...

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The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gi...

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