Winston Jokes

He was there to deliver a speech and to present at the dedication of a bust in his honour.

After his speech, an attractive and ample woman approached the wartime Prime Minister of England and said, "Mr. Churchill, I have travelled over a hundred miles for the unveiling of your bust."

C... read more

After a hard day of work they decided to take the rest of the night off. They went into a bar, had lots of drinks and got completely wasted. They started heading towards the hotel but were suddenly stopped by a massive hole blocking the road. Nobody could deduce whether or not falling into the hole ... read more

Shaw writes to Churchill: "I'm reserving you two tickets for my new play. Come with a friend (if you have one, that is)."

Churchill replies to Shaw: "I can't make the first performance. I'll make sure to watch the second performance (if you have one, that is)."

*This exchange has mad... read more

He was close, but no cigar

Lady Astor: Mr. Chuchhill, if you were my husband I’d poison you.

Winston: If you were my wife I’d drink it.

Women (to Winston Churchill): If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee.

WC: If you were my wife, I'd drink it!



This joke always makes me laugh.

The police have nothing to go on.

Nowadays, history will be kind to me because I intend to delete it.

During WW II, a man was arrested in London for calling Winston Churchill a fool.

The next day in the House of Commons, the opposition members were ready to roast the government for this. "Are we living in a police state", they shouted, "where we cannot call the PM a fool"?

Churchill's ... read more

Lady Astor said to Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"

"Would you sleep with me for 1,000,000$?"

"YES!"

"How about 1$?"

"You pig, what kind of woman do you think I am????"

"We have already established that, we are now simply negotiating the price"

[ Attributed to various famous people in the past (including Winston Chu... read more

people would buy into it and take it seriously."

- Winston Churchill

his best friend was a chubby lad named Winston - but because of Winston’s penchant for stuffing his face with Stilton, Red Leicester, Cheddar or Brie, naturally he was nicknamed “Cheese”.
One hot summer day, a gang of friends decided to head off to the local quarry to cool off in the water. The... read more

As she sprints blissfully across a road, a massive truck ploughs into her.

The next thing she's aware of is she's standing in a shiny, beautiful place and inately realises, this must be Heaven.

Sure enough, an angel approaches her and tells her, yes she's now in Heaven and gives her a ... read more

Sadly, he is located right between two other shops in the same line of business he wishes to enter. To his left, a large sign reads "Smith and Co.", to his right theres "Winstons Finest". So, after a bit of pondering, he decides to name his shop "Main Entrance"

Stalin sees that Churchill is constantly writing something in his notebook. Curious, he asks:

"Winston, what are you writing in that notebook?"

"Oh, that's where I write jokes about me. Whenever I hear a joke where I'm mentioned by my name, I write it down. I'm on my second notebook."<... read more

Winston™ Church-ill

...walk into a bar. They notice a skinny, bespectacled little guy sitting in the corner by himself, and decide to have some fun.

They order three beers, and one of the bikers says, "Charge these to that little runt over there in the corner." Then he calls over to the little guy, "Hey, Poind... read more