An Irish fellow in New York turns to the gentleman next to him....

“Well hey there friend! Where do ya hail from?”

“I’m from Ireland.”

“No kidding! I’m from Ireland myself! What part of Ireland?”

“Grew up in Wexford.”

“Wexford?! No kidding! I grew up in Wexford myself!”

“Well what are the chances of that?! Say, what secondary scho...

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A man goes to the doctor

“DOCTOR I NEED HELP!“ he says.

The doctor asked curiously “why are you shouting?“

“I DON’T KNOW, I’VE ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS, CAN YOU FIND THE REASON?“ the man shouts back.

So the doctor examines the man, and after a while concludes that somehow, the man’s large penis is causing ...

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Best blowjob

So my friend says to me the best blowjob he got in his life was off this prostitute, but it’s weird because she demands to do it in the dark, and she sings the can-can while she’s at it. So curiously I decided to give it a go, but confused as to why and how she can sing while working away I decided ...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

Hugo meets a fantastic girl, and - curiously - she agrees to go on a date with him

Soon, Hugo and Phyllida are an item. They go to parties together, concerts, long walks on Sunday. It's great.

Then one day, Hugo is out shopping with his big sister Roberta, and he remembers that Phyllida works in the big menswear shop in town.

He's a bit anxious about mixing business...

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Once upon a time...

A horse lived on a farm with a pig, a sheep, and a cow. Now these were no ordinary barnyard animals - for they were bestowed the miracle of Disney animal anthropomorphism - subsequently, the farmer was very happy to have these animals in his posession and the people who came afar to see them made hi...

A redditor repeating 15, 15, 15 ... passes by a hedge fund manager.

The hedge fund manager starts to follow him curiously. The redditor keeps repeating 15. The hedge fund manager follows him out of the town, on an unpaved road, to the edge of a cliff where the redditor looks down repeating 15. The hedge fund manager comes next to him to look down into the cliff. The...

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This is very funny, but it’s more of a visual joke than one for here. But it always gets a laugh when you perform it right.

A police detective is called to the scene of a fatal car crash. Inside are two people- a man and a woman... and curiously enough, a little monkey who survived unscathed. The detective is trying to piece together what happened and muses out loud to the monkey- “Boy, I sure wish you could tell me what...

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

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The Britain had just colonized Malaysia, three local criminals were caught and brought to the British Commander...

"They committed such deadly crimes, they should be beheaded!" The Lieutenant suggested the Commander.

Hearing that, the three criminals pleaded for their lives to the Commander.

The Commander agreed to let them live under one condition, which was to collect 10 fruits of same type.
<...

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What will you say?

A man is selling a colorful parrot and a beautiful woman comes and says "how much for the parrot?"
100$ he kinda speaks, says the man
The lady goes "can't it be a little cheaper?"
As they're negotiating the parrot looks at her and goes "owner, look at this girl! She's a damn prostitute! She...

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A punk youngling and an old man on a bus (REALLY NSFW)

The old man sat next to the punk, then looked at him curiously, specially his mohawk hair.

After some seconds, the punk got irritated and confronted him with a glare "What? What's with people nowdays thinking i am crazy just because of my haircut and livestyle?" he growled "Haven't you made a...

A man is walking besides the insane asylum

When he hears a commotion coming over the fence. The people inside the asylum are chanting

“FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE...”

He notices a small hole on the wall and curiously peeks inside to see what’s going on.

Someone pokes him in the eye with a stick. And then he hears chanting...

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A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day.

A young boy discovers his first swear words on Thanksgiving Day. After aggravating his mother, he's sent outside to play. In the yard, he overhears his neighbors fighting: "You bitch!" "You bastard!" Astounded, he runs back inside and asks his mother, "Mommy mommy! What is a bitch and bastard?"
...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Jack and Coke.

The bartender reaches behind the bar and grabs a dark red apple, and hands it to the customer.

Dumbfounded, he says “Hey man, what the hell is this? I asked for a Jack and coke!”

The bartender said “Just go a head and take a bite.”

So the man took a bite and his eyes widened “W...

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A man died and was on his way to heaven

When he reached heaven, he saw Jesus standing in front of him. Jesus said: "We have a long way ahead of us. Come...let's walk."

Jesus trying to have some small talk with the man, asked him whether he has has any pet peeves. The man replied: "I don't like it when people bend over in front of m...

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A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat, the man says to the bartender "I'll have a pint of lager please"

The ostrich says "and I'll have the same"

The cat then says "Gin & tonic for me, but I'm not paying!"

The bartender looks a bit perplexed but announces ...

Papa Bear and Mama Bear are getting a divorce

You know Goldilocks and the 3 bears? Well mama bear and papa bear are getting a divorce. In court they bring in baby bear. The judge puts baby bear on the stand and asks him who he'd like to live with?

"Well not papa bear he beats me," says baby bear.

"So mama bear?" asks the Judge....

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The glass jar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a huge jar filled with money on the counter, he glances at it curiously but doesn't think much else of it, about two beers later he asks the bartender about it. The bartender tells him it's a simple game, you pay $50 to play and then you complete 3 tasks, the man gawk...

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A rich man and his butler discuss what they’re getting their wives for Valentine’s Day

The butler asks the rich man, “what are you getting your wife?”

The man says,”I’m going to get her a Range Rover and a pair of diamond earrings!”

The butler was impressed but asked, “why two gifts for your wife, sir?”

“So she can wear her diamond earrings while driving her Range...

We were learning about energy in 3rd grade...

I raised my hand curiously and the teacher called on me and I asked “What energy do lights use?” She looked at me hesitantly, as if I asked about a forbidden knowledge, questioning what she should respond with and said “I would tell you but the answer is very shocking.” Frustrated with the answer, ...

A taxi driver usually picked up his passengers from red light districts (area of escort houses and prostitution).

One day while waiting for passenger, a completely naked girl with no single piece of cloth on her body gets inside the cab at mid night. The girl says to the driver, "Take me to this .... address please". The driver turns back and looks at the girl top to bottom curiously. The girl asks," Is somethi...

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For community service I was ordered to go help out at an old folks home...

I met a nurse who told me about the old man I was going to be helping out with.


She told me that he had had a stroke a few years back and could only say one word. She tasked me with getting him to say at least two words by the end of my time there.


I thought it would be an inte...

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4 men walk into a pub

They all sit down at the bar and get settled. The first guy to the left leans over to the bartender and asks, “Excuse me, ma’am, can I get a can of olives?”

The bartender hesitates with a confused look, and responds, “I’m sorry, but we actually don't have any olives, or any food items, on the...

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Mental hospital

A nurse at a mental hospital checks in a room to find patient Bob pretending to drive a car.

- Bob, what are you doing?
Asked the nurse curiously.

- I'm on a road trip to Canada.
Bob replied.

The nurse wishes him a pleasant journey and proceeds to patient Gary's cell to ...

Aerobatic piloting

A man goes on a flight with an aerobatic pilot. To warm it up a bit he does a very tight curve. Through the radio the pilot hears the man saying "Well, well, just as expected!". The pilot, feeling a bit challenged flies a screw in the other direction as tight as he can. Again he hears the man saying...

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