Disturbing Jokes

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a... read more

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced; He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the w... read more

"I find your lack of face disturbing."

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

When God made Canadians, he made them polite, peace-loving, and nice.
But the Devil said, "you are disturbing the balance of nature".
God thought about it, and said, "you are right. But I don't want to undo my work."
Devil: "well, there is only one way to fix this."

So God created Ca... read more

Because if it wasn’t white, it’d be called disturbing the peace

I told him that I am also bothered by his bedroom bed squeaking when he's not at home.

It was the mailman.

>!I was tossing all night!<

People with lovely soft skin that would make excellent TP substitute, so don’t forget to peel them first!

"Flat Earthers claim to have members all around the globe."

When some scientists plotted the number of suicides per year, they discovered a curious pattern. Every four years, there would be a spike in the number.

This baffled them, until the old janitor said: "Perhaps it was not a good idea to call them leap years."

I mean, I know they haven’t really got a functioning brain, but they’re still human.

...It was good for traffic.

A Russian man is walking around on the Red Square and shouting "Brezhnev is an idiot! Brezhnev is an idiot!"


He gets arrested. The sentence comes: 25 years. 1 for disturbing the peace and 24 for unauthorized release of classified information.

and when leaving, I noticed a guy kneeling to a tombstone beside, he was extremely sorrowful, I’ve never seen a guy could cry like that.

I took a glance at him, but he didn’t noticed, he just kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”

So, I walked to him, and said, “Sorr... read more

The New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 10 seconds.

I was 19 years old and eating veggies for dinner. For some reason I decided to play with my food and got arrested for disturbing the peas.

I couldn’t finish it to be honest, it was disturbing on so many levels.

A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend. The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment." The mathematician: "A wife. You have security." The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my ... read more

He found their lack of freight disturbing

^^May ^^the ^^Fourth ^^be ^^with ^^you!