Motivation Jokes - 50 Hilarious Motivation Jokes

How many motivational speakers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, because the change starts with you.

Motivation is just like my wife.

It comes for everyone but me

What is the difference between standup comedy, and motivational speaking?

Which side of the mic the depressed people are on.

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motivation

Anal sex keeps my wife in shape. Every time I just mention it and she runs a mile from me

What do you call a motivational program in a family business?

Incestives

Motivation

Today I saw three people jogging out the window, and this motivated me to go and close the window.

Want to hear a joke about extrinsic motivation?

An old man enjoyed sitting on his front porch every day until the elementary school bell rang and neighborhood kids walking past his porch stopped to taunt him from the sidewalk.
Finally, the old man came up with a plan.
He offered the children a dollar each if they’d return the next day...

A man tries to find success as an Anti-motivational speaker

"In today's world of toxic positivity, we need more HEALTHY NEGATIVITY! Acknowledge your limitations! Understand your lack of potential! Remember that in this world of many people, you are NOT SPECIAL and EASILY REPLACEABLE!"

An audience member suddenly stood up, tears streaming down his fac...

It is said regarding motivation that “the first step is always the hardest”…

As someone with plantar fasciitis, I could not agree more.

What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?

"I'm in it for the longhall."

A motivational speaker gave blood, what was his blood type?

B-Positive

Just a bit of motivation for all of you out there

Always remember, you're never completely useless...

You can always serve as a bad example!

What did Microsoft employees say to Bill Gates after his motivational speech?

Word.

Motivation

A bull was deployed for servicing the cows on a farm.

Lady asks the farm manager: "How many times can this bull perform?"

Manager replies: "5 to 6 times in a day".

Lady looks at her husband: "You see?"

Husband asks the manager: "Is it the same cow every time?"

Man...

Motivation is like quicksand.

I'll likely never encounter it but see it in movies all the time.

Motivational speakers: Say "I will" instead of "I wish"

Me: I will my parents loved me

After being 3 months sober from drinking, I bought myself a motivational poster to keep my spirits up.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Wayne Gretzky

People say I should be a motivational speaker,

But I don't have the motivation.

What’s my blood doctors favourite motivational quote?

Be Positive.

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[NSFW] I've been working from home lately and I find my motivation is a lot like masturbation...

...It comes and goes in spurts.

Motivation to live by and memorize.

Never stop believing in yourself.

Gonna see your dreams become reality.

Give it your best every day.

You will achieve it if you believe it and you'll go.

Up up and away you'll forever succeed.

To memorize this I find it easier to memorize the fi...

Why did the motivational speaker have a shirt made of stamps?

Because he is an outgoing male.

No motivation. Why bother if people don't notice my creative work?

It just seems that lately nobody really notices all the work I do. It seems like no matter how much effort i put into my works, no matter how much I invest in improving my skills via education, books, conferences, no matter how much i try to 'get in the spotlight' and display my art, people seem to ...

What did the motivational speaker ask the bottle of water?

Do you have what it takes to be a liter?

What did the motivational speaker dolphin believe?

That everybody in life has a porpoise

I can’t wait to get a girlfriend this year like that motivational quote on Facebook said

I just hope that this year my van will be able to outrun them this time!

What do you call a group of motivational speakers?

A fleece.

I was asked to give a motivational speech

But I just don't feel like it.

[Motivation] Just because you were born in poverty, it doesn't mean that you'll be poor forever.

I was born in a hospital, yet I'm not a doctor.

My company just conducted a one-day motivation training for all the junior employees. It was a roaring success.

All the junior employees are really motivated to find new jobs now.

Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn’t follow his own advice.

Hippo Quit

Motivational Story

One Day A Fisherman got up very early in the Morning.
There was not enough Sunlight to get into the Sea.
He saw a Pack of Stones...
To Pass Time he started throwing the Stone into the Sea.
While having the last stone in the Hand,
The Sun came up then he saw that the Stone was a Diamo...

A motivational speaker retired due to depression

He discovered he had B Negative blood

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A motivational speaker talks about getting what you want

A motivational speaker has a crowd all riled up. "If you want sweets,", he says, "buy a sweets shop. If you want to lose weight, just lose weight! Whatever you want, just take it!"

After wrapping up and getting ready to leave, he pauses at the parking lot. "Who took my *fucking* motorcycle...

"Where there's a will, there's a way" is a great self motivational phrase

Until an inheritance is involved

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Ha...

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker?

Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

While we still don't know the motivations or the thought process behind the Boston Bombings

I think it's safe to say that the perpetrators are racists.

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A motivational speaker said that if you truly believe what you are doing is right, stand up for it even if the whole world is against you.

Hitler should not have been in the audience.

After 10 years of marriage I still keep a photo of my wife in my wallet that I can look at for motivation when times get hard.

I think, “If I can survive 10 years of marriage to this I can survive anything.”

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The penis requested a wage raise from his company one day

He presented the following arguments to justify his request:

"Dear Board, I, as the penis, request a raise due to following reasons:

1. I work hard physically.
2. I always use my head in every job I do.
3. I work in both deep and superficial environments.
4. My working environ...

My sister told me about a christian motivational group that came to her school. She said they were super strong but didn't lift weights.

So I figured they must do crossfit.

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Two horses are chatting after winning their respective races at the grand national...

"I say old chap, you did fantastically on your race! How did you manage?"

"Well to be honest I'm a little confused, I couldn't break out of the pack, couldn't make any ground when about a third of the way round the course I felt this burning heat, right up my arse, so I powered on trying to g...

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A middle-aged guy decides it’s time to get fit so he heads down to his local gym.

When he gets there he sees a poster promising “6 month super motivational packages, available in Silver, Gold and Platinum”.

Intrigued the guy asks for more information.
The guy from the gym says “OK” and calls for someone to come out from the back office. A beautiful fit woman comes out a...

They call me 007 at work

0 motivation

0 skills

7 coffee breaks

A Canadian couple takes their pet polar bear to Antarctica

Years ago, a couple in Canada found an abandoned polar bear cub and decided to adopt and raise it themselves. By the time the bear was grown up, it had become very tame, very friendly, and rather jovial.

Life with a pet polar bear turned out to be pretty fun, but one problem was that takin...

Once upon a time ...

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy Basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teach...

Reading The Writing On The Wall...

I used to spend long hours working on my "rubbing-up-against-strangers-in-public" technique...

...until I got my *new* pair of glasses and re-read that motivational poster on the break-room wall.

So, my bad... it turns out it does *not* say : "Practice Makes Pervert"

My friend said she teaches circuit training classes..

I'll bet she's the driving force behind her students' motivation.

A man at a job interview was asked what he thought his greatest qualities were.

'My motivational skills' he replied ' At my last job everyone said they had to work twice as hard when I was around'

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