I maintain my car with the same level of diligence and care that I would maintain an aircraft.

Which is why they won't let me maintain aircraft.

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment..

And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

The company hires a new man.

He was supposed to start work on a Monday, but
instead of showing up, he calls his boss. "I'm sick," he says. Boss excuses
him.

Man shows up Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly
impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.

The next Monday, he once...

An Engineer goes to heaven

An engineer dies and goes up to the Pearly Gates where he is greeted by St. Peter. "Welcome to Heaven. Come right in. We can always use another engineer".

But the engineer does his due diligence and asks to see both Heaven and Hell before deciding where he wants to spend eternity. Heaven is n...

"The Last Day"

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a due diligence investigation to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was...

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