Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you should never turn your back on family.

A poll was taken by California Governor Gavin Newsom's office which asked whether people who live in California think Illegal immigration is a serious problem:

29% of respondents answered: "Yes, It is a serious problem."

71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa."

Why’s lithium illegal?

Because it’s a salt and battery

Why shouldn't you play UNO with illegal immigrants?

Because they steal all the green cards

Why is smoking illegal in the Shire?

It's a bad hobbit.

Did you guys hear they’re gonna start making round hay bales illegal?

Apparently it’s something about the cows needing 3 square meals a day

Which socks are the most illegal?

Stockings.

Did you know the bible says it’s illegal to trim your beard?

Which is surprising seeing as priests seem to be so fond of grooming.

I'm never smoking with illegal immigrants again!

I asked who had the papers and everyone ran.

What do you call an illegal immigrant fighting a rapist?

Alien Vs Predator

I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.

I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.

What’s the difference between E.T. and an illegal immigrant?

E.T. learned to speak English and wanted to go home

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Masturbation is the only thing not taxed, regulated or illegal

Feel free to go fuck yourself

Got a new job at Gatwick Airport. I patrol the runways on a horse and shoot down any illegal flying devices in the area.

I'll be known as The Drone Ranger.

Did you know it's illegal for the president to use an extension cord?

That'd be an overreach of his power.

You wanna know what’s not illegal in California?

Wildfires.

Building electirc vehicles is illegal in Africa,

So i Madagascar.

Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...




I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

It may be illegal to steal kitchen utensils, but what can I say?

I'm a whisk taker

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

Edit: Wow...so this is what it’s like to reach the front page... really underwhelming...

In all seriousness, while there are a bunch of corrupt politicians out there, DO call your congressman and DO participate in your local elections and pr...

Trump wants to make it illegal to buy pre-shredded cheese

It's all part of his plan to make America *grate* again.

You can joke about anything. Just not illegals

That's crossing the border

Does anyone else realize that baseball is actually illegal?

Hit and run is a felony.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Republican walks into a college bookstore and asks the proprietor, "I'm looking for Trump's new book on illegal immigration?"

The owner says "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

The Republican responds "Yeah! That's the one!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A policeman is walking an illegal prostitute back to his police car...

On the way there, the policeman bumps into his captain. The captain asks: "what's going on here then?" The policeman replies: "I found an illegal prostitute on the sidewalk sir" The captain says: "I can see that, but why the hell are you the one in the handcuffs?!"

I hear they made a movie about an illegal immigrant who beats up a child abuser.

Alien vs Predator

I wanted to tell you a joke about illegal immigrants...

But it was borderline offesive.

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

There's a town in Russia where it's illegal to split an order of soup.

Share-no-bowl.

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Unlawful means that something is against the law. Illegal is a sick type of bird.

Why don't illegal immigrants like to drive in the winter?

They see the signs that say, "Watch for ICE on bridges".

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver lo...

I don’t like to talk illegal immigration too much.

Because that’s crossing a border

Cannabis is totally illegal in Saudi Arabia...

but you can still get stoned!

You can even drop acid...

As long as it's on an adulterer's face.

Many things used to be illegal in North Korea.

Now they're unlegal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour

Which makes it illegal in school zones

What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?

A hex offender.

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

masturbation is not illegal,

but if it were, people would probably start taking the law into their own hands.

TIL that in the middle ages it was illegal for a blind man to become king...

I mean, I don't see why not

Why is it illegal to burn money to a crisp?

Cuz then it wouldn't be legal...*tender*

I can't support building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

It's borderline racist.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is Obesity Illegal in Japan?

Because the last time there was a fat man in their country, thousands died.

[Dark Humor]Why is suicide illegal?

Destruction of government property.

What is a least favourite letter of a pirate?

Dear sir, we have record of your illegal downloading activity.

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

I just found out insomnia is illegal in my home town.

They call it resisting a rest.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online

The Black IPs

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Hooker and the ILLEGAL Immigrant

"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks.

"$100" she replies.

In broken English, he says,
"Do you do immigrant style?

"No" she says.
"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style."

"No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.

"I pay you...

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just ze name of zefokken automobile" the German says unb...

Illegal immigrants do jobs that Americans don't want.

Like marrying Donald Trump.