I'm never smoking with illegal immigrants again!

I asked who had the papers and everyone ran.

Why is reverse cowgirl illegal in Alabama?

Because you should never turn your back on your family.

Got a new job at Gatwick Airport. I patrol the runways on a horse and shoot down any illegal flying devices in the area.

I'll be known as The Drone Ranger.

What do you call an illegal immigrant fighting a rapist?

Alien Vs Predator

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Masturbation is the only thing not taxed, regulated or illegal

Feel free to go fuck yourself

Did you know it's illegal for the president to use an extension cord?

That'd be an overreach of his power.

I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.

I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.

What’s the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

E.T. eventually went home!

It may be illegal to steal kitchen utensils, but what can I say?

I'm a whisk taker

How should illegal immigrants be deported?

Juan by Juan.

Trumps wall is supposedly supposed to keep illegals out of the United States...

But unfortunately it's keeping Trump inside the White House as well.

Building electirc vehicles is illegal in Africa,

So i Madagascar.

You wanna know what’s not illegal in California?


Tonight, I’m uploading an illegal copy of Microsoft Office for anybody to access

Just wait until Word gets out...

I know this is a terrible joke, but it just came to me and I had to get it out of my system. Thank you, Reddit.

You can joke about anything. Just not illegals

That's crossing the border

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The 13th Amendment makes it illegal to buy people.

Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.

Edit: Wow...so this is what it’s like to reach the front page... really underwhelming...

In all seriousness, while there are a bunch of corrupt politicians out there, DO call your congressman and DO participate in your local elections and pr...

Does anyone else realize that baseball is actually illegal?

Hit and run is a felony.

Trump wants to make it illegal to buy pre-shredded cheese

It's all part of his plan to make America *grate* again.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Republican walks into a college bookstore and asks the proprietor, "I'm looking for Trump's new book on illegal immigration?"

The owner says "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

The Republican responds "Yeah! That's the one!"

A policeman is walking an illegal prostitute back to his police car...

On the way there, the policeman bumps into his captain. The captain asks: "what's going on here then?" The policeman replies: "I found an illegal prostitute on the sidewalk sir" The captain says: "I can see that, but why the hell are you the one in the handcuffs?!"

I hear they made a movie about an illegal immigrant who beats up a child abuser.

Alien vs Predator

I wanted to tell you a joke about illegal immigrants...

But it was borderline offesive.

Did you know it's illegal to combine sea salt and iodized salt?

They call it aggregated a salt...

How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The agent verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questi...

A poll was taken in California, asking if people thought illegal immigration was a serious problem. 29 percent said, 'Yes, it is a serious problem.'

71 percent said, 'No es un problema serio.'

What's the difference between unlawful and illegal?

Unlawful means that something is against the law. Illegal is a sick type of bird.

I don’t like to talk illegal immigration too much.

Because that’s crossing a border

Why don't illegal immigrants like to drive in the winter?

They see the signs that say, "Watch for ICE on bridges".

Cannabis is totally illegal in Saudi Arabia...

but you can still get stoned!

You can even drop acid...

As long as it's on an adulterer's face.

Many things used to be illegal in North Korea.

Now they're unlegal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour

Which makes it illegal in school zones

What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?

A hex offender.

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver lo...

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

masturbation is not illegal,

but if it were, people would probably start taking the law into their own hands.

An older man and a 16 year old girl were alone in a room...

The man had initially agreed to the meeting, but he was having some serious second thoughts. He knew what they were planning to do was illegal, and could land him in some serious trouble.

Man: I don't know, I'm not sure if I should. I mean, your parents would kill me if they found out. I know...

TIL that in the middle ages it was illegal for a blind man to become king...

I mean, I don't see why not

Why is it illegal to burn money to a crisp?

Cuz then it wouldn't be legal...*tender*

I can't support building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

It's borderline racist.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is Obesity Illegal in Japan?

Because the last time there was a fat man in their country, thousands died.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Hooker and the ILLEGAL Immigrant

"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks.

"$100" she replies.

In broken English, he says,
"Do you do immigrant style?

"No" she says.
"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style."

"No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.

"I pay you...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online

The Black IPs

[Dark Humor]Why is suicide illegal?

Destruction of government property.

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

I just found out insomnia is illegal in my home town.

They call it resisting a rest.

What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

Illegal immigrants do jobs that Americans don't want.

Like marrying Donald Trump.

Why is gambling illegal in Africa?

Cause there are too many cheetahs.

What do you call an orange that commits illegal acts?

A Pulpetrator.

I think my neighbor might be involved in some illegal activities.

I heard him confess to tax evasion when I was smoking meth in his attic.