UPJOKE
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I'm compiling a book of poems by felons.

I'm going to call it "Prose and Cons".

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A convicted felon….

A convicted felon escaped from prison where he'd already spent 15 years of a life sentence. He broke into a local farmhouse in the middle of the night looking for food and money and while in there he discovered a young couple asleep in their bed. He woke them up violently and ordered the guy out of ...

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.

I asked my boss if we would ever hire felons to run pipe.

He said no, they won't let a conduit.

I was at the courthouse today and witnessed a 4 foot tall felon go down a flight of stairs....

It was a little condescending.

Been thinking about starting a program to rehabilitate felons through the power of writing

So I've been considering all the prose and cons.

What do you call a criminal who laughs at everything you say?

Jimmy Felon

What does a felon falling from an airplane and a significant other talking down to you have in common?

Condescending

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Me and another coworker were competing to see who was the best at our drug testing job. I was winning until i misplaced a felon's probation samples.

So I guess I lost that pissing contest

Why did the felon have so much energy?

He was well arrested!

Never ask a felon to organize something numerically

Not unless you're prepared to handle the con sequences.

What do recent college graduates and felons have in common?

It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them.

Felons would be a really valuable voting base...

After all, we know they have conviction.

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John owned the local florist shop.

The shop had been in his family for five generations -- and he loved his work. He was a part of people’s lives, from their first prom, to valentines gifts, birthdays, weddings, and even funerals -- he loved his work, and the town loved him. Life for him, his wife Susan, his mom Louis, and their thre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If having a big dick was a crime

I would be a felon. Not because I have a big dick, but because I ran over several children on purpose.

What do you call someone who steals a Tesla?

Felon Musk.

A criminal was pushed on to the ground

he *felon* his ass

Homeless man strikes up a conversation with a lady

A homeless man starts speaking to a young lady in a bar one night. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree. Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?" The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology an...

When a cop asks a criminal about local crimes, they're "consulting with their CI"

When I ask a criminal about local crimes, I'm "consorting with known felons" and "violating my parole."

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