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Felon Jokes

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A convicted felon….

A convicted felon escaped from prison where he'd already spent 15 years of a life sentence. He broke into a local farmhouse in the middle of the night looking for food and money and while in there he discovered a young couple asleep in their bed. He woke them up violently and ordered the guy out of ...

I'm compiling a book of poems by felons.

I'm going to call it "Prose and Cons".

Why is the government so worried about a Hispanic felon who's hard of hearing?

Because that's Deaf-Con Juan.

I asked my boss if we would ever hire felons to run pipe.

He said no, they won't let a conduit.

Been thinking about starting a program to rehabilitate felons through the power of writing

So I've been considering all the prose and cons.

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

The pros outweigh the cons

Never ask a felon to organize something numerically

Not unless you're prepared to handle the con sequences.

I was at the courthouse today and witnessed a 4 foot tall felon go down a flight of stairs....

It was a little condescending.

If a felon writes a song about the good and bad things in his life...

...does that mean he just made a list of Prose and Cons?

What does a felon falling from an airplane and a significant other talking down to you have in common?

Condescending

Why did the felon have so much energy?

He was well arrested!

What do you call a pretentious felon falling down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending

Felons would be a really valuable voting base...

After all, we know they have conviction.

What do recent college graduates and felons have in common?

It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If having a big dick was a crime

I would be a felon. Not because I have a big dick, but because I ran over several children on purpose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and another coworker were competing to see who was the best at our drug testing job. I was winning until i misplaced a felon's probation samples.

So I guess I lost that pissing contest

What do you call a criminal who laughs at everything you say?

Jimmy Felon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Students training to be police officers were given the following difficult examination question.

**A student training to be police officer was given the following difficult examination question:**

>"You're on street patrol when an explosion occurs on a nearby road. You investigate and discover an overturned van besides a large crater. Both occupants of the van are injured, and smell ...

A homeless man is sitting in a bar

After a few drinks he begins speaking to a young lady. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree.

Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?"

The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology ...

What do you call someone who steals a Tesla?

Felon Musk.

A criminal was pushed on to the ground

he *felon* his ass

When a cop asks a criminal about local crimes, they're "consulting with their CI"

When I ask a criminal about local crimes, I'm "consorting with known felons" and "violating my parole."

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