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Me and another coworker were competing to see who was the best at our drug testing job. I was winning until i misplaced a felon's probation samples.

So I guess I lost that pissing contest

What do you call a pretentious felon falling down a flight of stairs?

A condescending con descending

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If having a big dick was a crime

I would be a felon. Not because I have a big dick, but because I ran over several children on purpose.

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

The pros outweigh the cons

Never ask a felon to organize something numerically

Not unless you're prepared to handle the con sequences.

What do you call a convicted felon on an escalator?

I'm not sure, but I think it's con descending

Did you hear about the Olympic gymnast that was a convicted felon?

He was always known for some assaults

Felons would be a really valuable voting base...

After all, we know they have conviction.

What do recent college graduates and felons have in common?

It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them.

Why did the felon have so much energy?

He was well arrested!

When a cop asks a criminal about local crimes, they're "consulting with their CI"

When I ask a criminal about local crimes, I'm "consorting with known felons" and "violating my parole."

What do you call someone who steals a Tesla?

Felon Musk.

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John owned the local florist shop.

The shop had been in his family for five generations -- and he loved his work. He was a part of people’s lives, from their first prom, to valentines gifts, birthdays, weddings, and even funerals -- he loved his work, and the town loved him. Life for him, his wife Susan, his mom Louis, and their thre...

A criminal was pushed on to the ground

he *felon* his ass

Did you hear what happened to the criminal who walked too close to the edge of the hole?

He felon.

A homeless man is sitting in a bar

After a few drinks he begins speaking to a young lady. The homeless man mentions he feels it's unfair that he be homeless, seeing as he has a college degree.

Startled, the young lady asks, "Well, what did you study in college?"

The homeless man replies, "I had a major in Biotechnology ...

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because Seven is a convicted felon and it is clear that prison life wasn't easy on him. It doesn't help that Six is, naturally, a little timid.

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