The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice

a cranberry juice and some lemonade with a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a punch..

I consider myself cosmopolitan

That is, I’m full of vodka and cranberry juice.

"So... You're in trouble again."

Drink some cranberry juice.



"Not *urine* trouble...**YOU'RE** in trouble"

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar...

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar. The first says "I'm I-10, baby! Atlantic to Pacific! Long and Strong. All day, traffic, truckers and they're flying along at ninty miles per hour. Cuz I'm the Best!" The other piece of highway snorts. "You got nothin! I'm I-95. Alway...

Muhammad, Jesus and Buddha walks into a bar...

The bartender asks each of them what they want.

Muhammad orders a glass of cranberry juice.

Jesus orders a glass of water, and promptly turns it into wine.

Then the bartender asks Buddha, "what do you want?"

Buddha replies, "Make me one with everything."

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