This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blowjob.

My friend thought that an onion is the only food that can make you cry

So I threw a coconut at his head

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tiger walks through the forest and suddenly sees a rare sight - a monkey throwing coconuts at a lion.

The tiger asks the lion, "Why do you let him do it?"

"Lets see you doing something," says the lion.

"No problem," replies the tiger. "Watch and learn."

The tiger leaps up and starts chasing the monkey, climbing the trees, the mountains, the hills, crossing the sands until they r...

I bought coconut shampoo the other day

When I got home I realised I didn't even have a coconut.

Why should you cook kale in coconut oil?

Makes it easier to slide it right into the trash.

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.

A sign read: "Don't Miss "The Amazing Italian".
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, Under The Big Top, in the Centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Italian.

Suddenly, the old man dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I are big believers in coconut oil as lube, it's been great for us really...

But now whenever I make macaroons I get a boner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

What does a coconut become on Reddit?

A jackfruit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here’s one for ya

Three guys go and explore a jungle. They get captured by a clan of cannibals. The cannibals tell them to go into the jungle and pick 5 of the same fruit and bring it back.

The first guy comes back with 5 coconuts. The cannibals tell him that if he can get all five up his butt without making a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A seamen, an airmen, and a green beret, are stranded on an island...

and captured by a tribe of cannibals. The tribe ties them up and brings them in front of the chief. The chief explains to them, “We are going to eat you and skin you and use you to make our new canoes. We thank you for this gift and as a thank you we will allow you to choose the way you die.”
...

They say that coconut water is good for hair.

Now, I understand why my pubes are growing like crazy recently.

My friend and I made a bet, who can make the other person cry first using food.

While he went off to shop for onions, I got a coconut, and as he was pulling into the driveway from the grocery store, I threw it into him, smashing the window.

He lost the bet, a window, and a tooth.

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A slice of coconut cream pie is $2.50 in Barbados. It is $2.75 in Trinidad & Tobago. $3.25 on St. Thomas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

How do you kill a guy with a coconut allergy?

You put a bounty on his head.

I went to the store today to buy some coconuts.

And a pack of gum, so it wouldn't be weird.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Remember when a bunch of Redditors started buying coconuts?

I do.

People back then were fucking nuts.

If coconut oil is made with coconuts,

Almond oil is made with almonds,

Groundnut oil is made with groundnuts,



Then I surely know what baby oil is.....

What's hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, begins with a C, has a U and an N in the middle, and ends with a T

COCONUT

One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon finds himself on an island with no other
people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one ...

Mother: "Why did I see coconut all over the kitchen?!"

Father: "Coco, come in here! Don't you have wifi in your bedroom?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A coconut walks into a bar...

At least it didn't get fucked...yet

When life gives you a coconut ...

You keep it away from redditors

What starts with a 'C' and ends with a 'T', is hairy and oval on the outside and creamy on the inside?

A coconut.

Shipwrecked

So a guy is involved in a shipwreck, and manages to swim to a deserted island. He's there for three years, living on coconuts and crabs.

Then one day a barrel floats ashore. The top pops off the barrel, and a woman climbs out.

"Oh my god!" says the guy.

"Wow," says the woman. "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The editor rejected my book, he said my metaphores are incomprehensible...

I'm sad as a coconut.



Due to popular demand, **EDIT**: metaphors*... Freakin' grammar nazis... On a second thought, maybe grammar also played a role in my rejection, who knows...

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.

The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.
And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl...

If I sell coconuts, am I a pimp?

Only if the buyer is a Redditor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the other side of the coconut?

A cocobutt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elephant wandering the jungle gets a thorn in its foot ...

Unable to extract the thorn itself, the elephant leans against a coconut tree, waiting for some other animal to come along and help him.

Hours pass and no animal appears. Just then, an ant comes crawling along.

"Oh, Brother Ant!" the elephant says. "Could you please help me take this t...

A parrot flies into a bar and says "I'll have a coconut rum, please." A patron nearby exclaims "Hey look, a talking parrot!"

Then he realizes, "Oh yeah, parrots can talk."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Indian Jews

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boat was shipwrecked in the South Pacific, as a result...

A group of people from different nationalities found themselves stranded on a remote and beautiful island. The party consisted of:

-Two Italian men and one Italian woman

-Two French men and one French woman

-Two German men and one German woman

-Two Greek men and one Greek...

What is something you can find under your son's bed which will terrify you more than your son?

A coconut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elephant is walking through the jungle...

When it steps on a big thorn. It screams out in pain and is frantically trying to pull the thorn out with its trunk. An ant comes walking by and sees the elephant struggling.

"What's wrong, Mr elephant"

"I've stepped on a thorn and i can't get it out, Mr ant"

"I'll pull it out, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I named both my testicles Co

So now when I finish I actually coconut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman and an American are trekking through the jungle when they’re captured by a fierce tribe of cannibals.

The leader of the cannibals tells the duo he and his tribe will eat them unless they go into the jungle and collect 100 pieces of fruit in an hour. The American and the Englishman agree and they each go into the woods. The Englishman is the first to return, carrying a 100 berries in his arms.
...

Lions eat anything

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him.
To show the others who is the boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won't be best pleased, he d...

A vegan told me I shouldn’t eat animals because I can’t kill or butcher them with my bare hands...

So I gave him a coconut and told him to have a nice day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Hawaiian sex act, and coincidentally, my favorite dessert?

Coconut cream pie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American with a boat and a Canadian with a boat crash,

They keep blaming one another while floating on sea. After a while they arrive at an island, where they were greeted by a tribe. They told their dilemma to the head of the tribe, to which he replied: "each of you will go to the forest and collect 100 of the same fruit, the first one to return will n...

How do you know a palm tree is getting old?

It’s coconuts hang lower than its trunk.

A Physicist, an Engineer, and a Political Scientist are stranded on a deserted island

A Physicist, an Engineer, and a Political Scientist are stranded on a deserted island and are all very hungry. They are delighted to find a large can of beans that has been washed up on the beach. Having no way to open the can they try to find a way to the beans. The physicist states that if he puts...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Ashley, I fucked a redditor last night"

"Jeez, how did you know he was a redditor? He gave his username?"

"Nah"

"Then how the fuck do you know he was a redditor?"

"He said I was better than I coconut"

My crazy friend told to me to stop making low hanging fruit jokes....

So now I go for the coconuts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A graduate student in psychology

A psychology graduate student working at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate the mental condition of three patients in a local mental institution and assess their possibilities for reintegration into society.

The facility was well funded and nicer than the student ex...

If you’re the assistant to the assistant lunatic...

You’re a coconut.

Passing The Test

A young Lieutenant is sitting at a bar, a beautiful woman approaches him and offers to buy him a drink. They have a few drinks filled with pleasent conversation. Afterwards she invites him back to her apartment for some casual fun.

They get to the apartment and she says 'listen I don't let j...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sammy visits his old war buddy Willy who is confined to a wheelchair...

Willy says, "My feet are freezing man, would you mind running upstairs and grabbing me my slippers?"
"No problem at all," Sammy says, and he runs upstairs. On his way to Willy's bedroom, he passes by a guest room, where he sees Willy's 16 year old great granddaughter and her friend, both clad ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students...

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brook...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys crash on a desert island...

Three guys crash on a desert island and are captured by the locals. They are brought to the kind and given a challenge.

“You must go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit and return. I will give you the second challenge then.”

They go out and after about an hour, the first guy come...

Roses are red, violets are blue

My girlfriend is gone
This coconut will do

Twins come in pairs....

Redditors come in coconuts.

Three men discover they have each been the victim of a shipwreck at some point in their past.

Three men are talking about their brushes with disaster, and by a stunning coincidence they find that all three of them have, at some point in their lives, been shipwrecked and stranded with the other survivors on a deserted island. They begin to detail their experiences.

"The hardest part wa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.