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Sally Jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she has no arms.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

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Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

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I guy walks in to a bar. Has a story to tell.

He's sat at his local, looking kind of miserable. The barman says "Hey, how ya doin'? You don't look so good ...". The guy replies "Last night ... Last night was the worst night of my life."

"Oh really?" says the barkeep, "How bad can it be?"

So the guy tells his story:

...

Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have?

cancer.

Where did Sally go during the school bombing?

Everywhere.

Why does Sally Wear Sea Shells?

She grew out of her B shells.

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There was a girl called Sally Brown...

...who said no man could lay her down

And over the hill came Piss-Pot Pete,

With fifty pounds of swinging meat.

He layed her down upon the grass,

And fucked the pants right off her ass.

Then, with one tremendous fart

She blew Pete's balls five miles apart<...

Kids get back into the classroom after playing at recess

and the teacher says, “who can tell me what they did at recess?” Sally raises her hand and says, “I played in the sandbox.” “That sounds like fun, Sally! If you can correctly spell sand, I will give you a cookie, replied the teacher.

“Sand, S.A.N.D. Sand” said Sally with a smile.

“Cor...

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I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart?

Sally painted her fingernails purple. Bob had a cock.

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A little boy was sitting in class...

The teacher decided that since it was Friday afternoon, and there was nothing left to do for the week, she'd let the students go home early if they could answer a question correctly.

The teacher said: "Okay class, which president said: 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself'?"
...

Little Sally came home from school one day, munching on a big bag of candy...

Little Sally came home from school one day, munching on a big bag of candy. Her mother asks her, "Where did you get that candy!?"

"Little Johnny paid me five dollars to climb the flagpole at school!" she laughed. "So I bought candy!"

"You friggin' idiot!" her mom says. "He was just try...

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A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what's wrong, and the kids reply that Aunt Sally was in the house naked.

So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, "What's going on?" He replies, "I'm having a heart attack."

She says "I'm going to call 911" and runs to the bathroom to get an aspirin. In the bathroom closet however, she disco...

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock Cit...

500 bricks on a plane

Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?

A. 499

Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.

Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerat...

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Where does the Lightning McQueen and Sally have sex?

In a bed-Vroom

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face.

She told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No, salty."

Jenna was breastfeeding her son while her neighbour Sally sat nearby

Jenna asked her friend, "Does my son resemble me or his father?"

Replied Sally, "He looks like you, but he sucks exactly like his father....."

A teacher calls her first grade class

from recess. She goes up to little Sally and asked, "Sally, what did you do at recess?" "I played in the sand box." "Good. Now, if you can spell the word 'sand' on the black board, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." So she spells the word right and gets a cookie. Then comes in little Billy. "Billy...

No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared...

What was the first sentence of Sally the Con-Artist Artist autobiography?

Painting was my love, but framing was my passion.

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Sally's first job

Little Sally is excited that a new house is going to be built on the vacant lot next-door.

Soon she gets to see the ground dug up, a foundation laid down, and the arrival of the carpenters. They're a little rough around the edges but after a short while, Sally is over there talking with the c...

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Elderly couple

An elderly couple were at home watching TV. 
Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, Phil... leave it on the porn channel... you know how to fish!"

Some people call me Sally

Some people call me Shelly. But you can call me *tonight*

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

\- Because she didn't have arms...


Why couldn't Sally get back up?



\- Because she doesn't have friends...


Knock Knock...


(Who's There),



Not Sally...(She doesn't have arms remember)

Sally can't sell seashells down by the seashore anymore...

She was busted for conch-traband.

My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Gues...

There was a young lady named Sally

Who enjoyed the occasional dally.

She sat on the lap of a well-endowed chap

and said, "Sir, you're right up my alley!"

Doctor: "I'd love to help you Little Sally... "

"... But you're an orphan and I'm a family doctor"

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Johnny gets a long weekend

On a Thursday near the end of the day a teacher tells the class that whoever can name the person who said a famous quote could have Friday off.

Teacher "Ok class, who can tell me who said 'There is nothing to fear but fear itself'?

Sally excitedly shouts "FDR!"

Teacher "Thats c...

If there are 502 bricks in a plane and 1 falls off, how many are left?

>!501.!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.!<

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

>!You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.!<

So, the ...

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Mike sat behind Sally... (long)

In religion class. Mike hated Sally and did anything he could to annoy her.

One day, Sally kept falling asleep in class. Mike thought this is a perfect time to start poking her in the ass with a needle he found. She decided to wait until the teacher asked her a question and then he would wake...

A joke from my drum teacher...

Where did Sally go after she she stepped on a land mine?

>!everywhere!<

Knock knock,

Who's there?

>!not Sally!<

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My mate is shagging twins

My mates shagging twins who both like it up the arse. I asked how he tells them apart?

"That's easy", he said. "Sally's got massive tits and a nice shaved pussy. Derek has a moustache and big hairy bollocks"

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she has no arms.


Knock knock
Whos there?
Not Sally.


What did Sally get for Christmas?
We don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.


What did Sally get for her birthday?
Cancer.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street?

She got hit by a Bus.

Teacher: OK Sally, make a sentence using the word ‘contagious’

Sally: Our neighbour is painting his whole house with a two inch brush and my dad said it’s going to take the contagious.

Why did Sally cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt

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Jamaican guy gets invited to an emotion themed fancy dress party (terrible joke I liked when I was younger)

People start arriving before him, first is Sally who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in blue, with tear drops inked on her face. "Ah Sally nice costume, you are clearly sadness, come on in and get yourself a drink."

Next up is Andy, who knocks on the door dressed head to toe in red, wi...

One night, Sally was saying goodnight to her parents and grandparents.

“Good night Mom, good night Dad, good night Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.”
Her dad asked her, “Why goodbye?”
“Oh, I dunno, I just felt like it.”

The very next day, her grandpa died.

That evening, Sally was saying goodnight again.
“Good night Mom, good night Dad, goodbye Grandma...

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Timmy and Sally were at a school dance.......

At the dance Timmy and Sally sat on opposites sides of the hall. Timmy with the boys and Sally with the girls.

They were both born with genetic disorders.

* Timmy was born without a left eye but he wore a wooden prosthetic in its place.
* Sally was born with a cleft palate, the corr...

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

@&#<#&*@>×>!!*

Two Antennae met on a roof, fell in love, and got married.

The ceremony wasn't that good, but the *reception* was incredible!

^@<#@*@:×>×&@!*!>@

A pastor was filling out paperwork at his desk, wh...

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and stan...

My grandpa died yesterday. Here's one of my favorite jokes he told. What are your favorite grandpa jokes?

Old Ms.Robinson went out into her backyard to do some gardening when she heard some noise coming from the yard next door. She peered over the fence and saw that her neighbour's little daughter was digging a hole. "Sally what are you doing with that shovel?" asked Ms.Robinson. "My goldfish died, s...

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[NSFW] Sally learned a new word...

Sally was sitting next to her neighbor, Johnny, on the bus home from school.

"I heard a new word today," she said, "but I don't know what it means."

"What word?" Johnny asked.

"Penis."

"Penis?" Johnny said. "I don't know what that means either. I'll ask my dad when I get...

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Mum: Er.. Sally, what are you doing with the cat, why are you putting it in your school bag?

Sally: I’m taking it to school because I heard dad tell you that when I go to school he is ‘going to eat that pussy’

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Sand paper sally

So a guy gets out of prison. He has been locked up about 15 years but the day has finally come and he is loving life.
He gets released and has the clothes on his back and give dollars to his name.
Above all else, before food, lodging, anything. This man wants some pussy.
So, he goes to a br...

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Little Johnny was in bible study one morning.

Sally was sleeping in front of johnny.
The teacher asks Sally who our Lord and savior was. Little Johnny pokes her in the ass with a pin and she yells "Jesus Christ!" And falls back to sleep.
A little while later the teacher asks Sally who created our world. Johnny poked her in the ass again w...

Sally walks into a pet store

Sally walks into a pet store and asks the clerk for some bird seed
Clerk: what kind of bird do you have?
Sally: I don't have one yet but I hope to grow some!

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Sally and Jessica used to bond over being the only two virgins at their University...

They don’t see each other much anymore but they’re still tight.

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Johnny and Sally are our playing at the local playground [NSFW]

Sally looks at Johnny and says "Johnny, do you know what a penis is?"

"No, I don't," Johnny says, "but I can go ask my dad!"

Johnny runs home and finds his dad drunk on the couch, and asks "Dad, what is a penis?"

Johnny's dad pulls down his pants and says, "This is a penis, son...

Where did Sally go during the explosion?

Everywhere!

source: https://twitter.com/AntiJokes_Kapil

Sally's Mommy is smart (marginally NSFW)

Little Sally and Little Johnny are playing in the sandbox one day.

Johnny looks at Sally and for whatever reason decides he wants to play a game with Sally.

So he gets her attention and suddenly pulls up his shirt. And then, pointing to each nipple, he announces "I have one of THESE ...

Where'd Sally go when the bomb went off?

In her pants.

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NSFW

Sally has been feeling harassed by one of her coworkers, John. She tells her employer that he has been harassing her and he asks her, "What does he do?"

She says, "He always tells me my hair smells nice."

Her boss replies, "That's not really sexual harassment."

Sally says, "He's...

In honor of my Cake Day, I offer a joke I heard from an 8 year old. Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she didn’t have any hands.





Knock Knock

— Who’s there?

Not Sally

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