I tried one of those "Try Not To Laugh" challenges, but barely made it halfway before cracking up.

I guess you could say... I fought the LOL, and the LOL won.

George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, “Too soon.”

It was September 10th.

You hear about the guy that made a song out of remixing his cracking knuckels?

It was a pop song

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

A man walks into a sperm bank cracking jokes with his buddy.

One of the employees says, “Get a load of this guy.”

An Italian guy cracking a joke

Q: Why Russia is-a not safe?





A: Because of crime-a

Jack, a renown atheist, dies and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself. Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith". Satan laughs and replies: Awh it's not so bad.

He then proceeds to escort Jack through a beautiful lush green plain with flowers, scattered here and there there's a bunch of houses where other "damned" live. As they pass through each house the inhabitants recognize Satan and invite them inside for a drink and a chat, a request that's always gran...

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I once went out with a girl who had really bad eczema on her chest...

She had a cracking pair of tits.

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

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A surgeon friend of mine has just lost his job

After he admitted to having sex with one of his patients. I’m gutted for him as he’s a cracking bloke and a bloody good vet.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame had died

The priests realized they would need a new person to ring the bells. They decided to hold auditions. After advertising the position in the town center there was a long line of peasants waiting to try out the next day.

One by one the priests called the peasants forward to pull the rope, ring t...

I always get told its neither the time nor the place for cracking really cheesy puns at work

Now I'm not sure about the time but I guess this is as gouda place as any....

A woman goes to the gates of heaven

She is perplexed and confused to find everyone furiously cracking eggs, dumping flour, and mixing batter.

She turns around and sees an entire section dedicated to decoration, with elaborate concoctions of strawberries, frosting, and tiering at every station.

Finally, she seems to recog...

Late night we were driving home when one of my drunk friends was cracking jokes

I died laughing. Don't drink and drive.

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As you know, last year's Furrycon got out of hand. This year, I'm cracking down. Zero furry porn, and figure-hugging fursuits that are tight against the buttocks will not be allowed. This rule is 100% non-negotiable.

No yiffs, no butts.

I don't like that clown from IT.

He's always fooling around and cracking jokes instead of fixing our computers.

Cracking open a cold one with the boys sounded like a lot of fun,

until we pulled up to the morgue.

Point to something and tell the person next to you "Oh no, that's cracking."

Hopefully they say "What's cracking? and then you can hit them with "Not much, what's cracking with you?!?"

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an actual oc joke i wrote out like a week ago

One day, a father is enjoying a walk alone, getting his sweet fresh air away from the nagging children and wife. However, enjoying the walk too much, he shuts his eyes. Turning a corner is a very wealthy man in a hurry, who ends up bumping into the father.

Both get up, and the father speaks u...

IRL Accidental joke story

IDK where to post this but I figured I'd make some people chuckle before it gets taken down. But if someone in comments could point out a subreddit for funny stories, thanks that'd be awesome.

Was working on a neighbors overhang/pergola and roof (damages, old house). His 4 year old kid was as...

A guy is driving down an empty country road

A guy is driving down a country road when a vulture swoops unexpectedly in front of him. It hits his windshield, cracking it and making a huge mess. The bird rolls onto the roof and bounces towards the rear of the car, ending up hitting a state trooper’s car that was behind the guy’s car. The troope...

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

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My wife has a cracking pair of tits!

That new eczema cream doesn’t seem to be working.

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My girlfriend has a cracking pair of boobs.

Her eczema is getting worse.

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