Scientists have grown human vocal cords in a petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

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3 dogs are at the vet. They ask the chihuahua what he’s there for...

“I’m a biter. I bite kids. I bite my mom. I bite the TV cords. I bite anything. The last straw was when I bit my owners kid. I have to get anxiety medication.”

They then ask the blue heeler what he’s in for

“I’m a pooper. I poop in the kitchen. I poop in the road on walks. I pooped on ...

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A guy goes to the doctor to complain that his voice is too squeaky

... he says ^^"Doctor, ^^I ^^have ^^a ^^very ^^squeaky ^^voice ^^and ^^my ^^wife ^^can't ^^stand ^^it"

The doctor responds: "Drop your pants"

The guy drops his pants and reveals a massive schlong.

The doctor says, "Aha! There's your problem! Your dick is so big that is pulling o...

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A woman finds out that she's pregnant with triplets...

she then consents to be the test subject for an experiment. A doctor gives her a newly developed pill that is meant to give unborn children super intelligence so they're born with the ability to speak English, think critically, etc.

Nine months later, she goes into labor. The doctor who gave ...

Did you hear about the guy whose vocal cords were damaged in an accident, so they had to do a transplant from a puppy?

He's doing okay but his voice is a little husky now.

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(NSFW) Guy walks into the Doctors Office and says....

"DDDDDoc, I've beeeeen stutttttttering for yeeears, and IIII'm tired of it. Cccccan yyyou helllp me?"

The doc says, "Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on." So he examines him, and says, "Well I think I know what the problem is.

The guy says, "Weeell wwwhat is it, dddoc...

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A horse wants to start a band

A horse wants to start a band. However, he can’t sing; So he goes to a vet.



He asks the vet, “Can you give me vocal cords so I can sing?” The vet agrees and gives the horse vocal cords.

A chicken sees this and wants to join the band, so he asks the vet, “can you give me lips so...

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season.

He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove.

He decided he would set up a Christmas light display like he'd heard about others doing. It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventual...

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Stuttering Problem

A man visits the doctor because of his severe stuttering problem.

The doctor says, "It appears that your penis is four inches too long and is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing the stutter."

"D-d-d-oct-t-tor. Wh-ha-a-at c-c-can I d-d-do?"

The doctor tells him that he m...

An old piece of rope walks into a bar..

After a rough day out at sea, salt in his cords, and some loose strands hanging out of his britches, he walks up to the bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks him, "You got money to pay for that drink?"

He replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

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A man visits the doctor because his voice is too deep

The man says in this great, booming voice, "Doc, can you help me, my Voice is too deep. The doctor walks up and says, "Ok, lets take a look, drop your pants for me." The man complies and the doctor stares down, shocked. "I think I see the problem, your dick is so large that its pulling down on your ...

How do you make a vegan go back to eating meat?

Remove their vocal cords and ban them from social media.

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A man goes to see a doctor.

He says, "I have a terrible lithp. Ever thince I wath a kid, my friendth have teathed me."

"Well, let's see if we can find what's wrong"

The doctor examines the patient, and says "Aha! Here is the problem. You have an enormous penis. It is so enormous that it is stretching your vocal c...

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A man with a very large penis goes to see a doctor.

"DOCTOR, MY PENIS IS TUGGING ON MY VOCAL CORDS WHICH IS MAKING MY VOICE SO DEEP AND LOUD. CAN YOU DO ANYTHING? PLEASE, I JUST WANT A NORMAL VOICE!"

The doctor quickly agrees that he will do something for the poor, unfortunate man with a enormous penis.

The man goes into surgery and the...

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A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to a doctor for his extremely raspy and sore voice. He explains that he has had this problem since he was a teenager. The doctor gives him an examination to discover that he has an 18 inch penis. The doctor tells him that his penis is so large is pulling all of his guts down when it hangs...

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pu...

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No Speech Therapy for him (NSFWish)

A man came to the doctor's office, frustrated and tired. He says," D-d-doc, I have this sp-peech problem. I've ha-d-d it all my life and it's ma-making me miserable. I c-can't speak in public. I have trouble in business me-meetings a-a-nd it's affecting my family now. P-p-please help Doc"

So ...

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A man has a problematically loud voice

He goes to the doctor: WHAT CAN BE DONE!? -Well, says the doctor, I'm afraid your penis is too long and affects your vocal cords and the only treatment is to cut a segment off of your penis. DO IT, I DON'CARE JUST HELP ME!! So they go on with the procedure and everything goes fine and he gains norma...

Epitaph for a house cat: "She died as she lived..."

"...chewing on power cords."

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A stuttering man visits his doctor

A man visited his doctor because he had a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consulted with the patient.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is pulling on your vocal cords, thereby causing ...

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