I feel like we should all cut the guy who invented autocorrect some slack.

I'm sure he moans we'll

“Yes, I admit it, I wore blackface a few times. But cut me some slack.”

“I was going through a dark period in my life”

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I remember when bandwidth was so bad, your porn was limited to downloading compressed folders of images over modems.

Sigh... * unzips *


Note: if this joke hasn't been made before, y'all are slacking. ;)

Did you hear about the rope that won't pick up it's own slack?

Some things just can't be taught.

The Naked Hippie

This joke is one i came up with to annoy my wife. She hates it lol.

A naked man walks into a tailor's shop. The tailor screams at him. "Hey, get out of my store! You can't come in here like that." The man replies, "awww, c'mon dude....cut me some slacks."


The end

A blind man was describing his favorite sport-parachuting.

When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him.

“I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go.”

“But how do you know when you are going to land?”, he was asked.

“Well, I have a very keen...

How does the blind skydiver know when to open the parachute?

When the leash goes slack

My Boss saw me slacking

So he asked me: What have you done today?

I said: Solving world hunger.

Boss: How so?

I took a bite of my sandwich and said: there is one less hungry person on earth now.

A naked man runs into a tailor's shop.

The tailor says "you can't be in here with no clothes on!"

The man says "aw come on dude, cut me some slacks?"

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Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill worked at the mill before the work did slack off.
The miller cried, I can't decide, whether to lay Jill or Jack off.

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, think...

What did the owner of a strip club say when he found his girls slacking off?

C’mon ladies, are you twerking hard or hardly twerking?

I think we should cut Putin some slack

It can't be easy running two countries at once

The county's road maintenance staff got a new trainee.

The trainee is tasked to paint the lines of a reconstructed highway before it is to be re-opened for public traffic.

- On Day 1 the trainee painted 5 miles.
- On Day 2 the trainee painted 2.6 miles.
- On Day 3 the trainee painted 0.9 miles.
- On Day 4 the trainee gets then question...

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A young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot

The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real smart-ass, with a vulgar vocabulary and a rude temperament.

The woman says that's OK I know how to handle assholes like that, I want the parrot anyway.

So the woman gets the bird home, puts it in her room, and st...

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Parking tickets

My father and I went shopping. When we got out of the shop, a policeman was writing a parking ticket. My father told, "Come on, cut some slack here, we just went out for a few minutes." Policeman didn't seem to care and continued his business.

So my father called him a dumbass. So now police...

Despite Oscar Pistorius' terrible actions, you HAVE to cut him some slack.

Come on, he's never had a leg to stand on

How does a blind parachutist know when he's near the ground?

The lead on his guide dog goes slack.

A co-worker of mine left their drink on my desk, again

I sent them a message on Slack to come pick it up, but for some reason they refused.

They just told me to drink it?

But, I won't.

That's just not my cup of tea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think we all should cut Hitler some slack

... I mean, he was the one that killed Hitler

Fast one.

One day, a new worker named Mitz Johnson got into trouble for slacking in work. As a result, he had to immediately report to the Chief Administrative Officer Joe Keller. Unfortunately, Joe had a twin brother, Samuel, who was also in the business. Mitz accidentally reported to Samuel's office instead...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

James is suffering from severe headaches. [Long]

For as long as he can remember, he's had debilitating headaches that have hampered his life in every way. He finally seeks medical help. After some tests, the doctor returns:

"James, I don't know quite how to say this. It seems your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine, pi...

What type of jokes do turtles like?

Shell-arious ones.

(My sister came up with this one, cut her some slack, she's seven)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle aged man is turning 40 and he's feeling severely depressed,

so he decides he'll treat himself to a prostitute. He and his companion for the evening retire to a motel room and he sits down on the side of the bed. The john starts untying his shoes and eventually slips off his socks.

In utter shock, the lady of the night gasps and says "What the fuck is ...

A rich businessman enters a bar and announces he’s looking for a good deal.

Before long an old man approaches him with an old lamp. “Excuse me sir, would you like to buy this very rare lamp?”

“For how much?” The businessman asks.

“1.5 billion dollars. A steal, if you ask me. It is worth much more” The old man says.

“1.5 BILLION DOLLARS?!” The businessma...

A blind man and his wife

A recently blind man sits down to dinner with his wife and friends, one of his closest friends asks “What’s it like being blind, have you had to rely a lot upon your wife?”

The man much to his wife’s displeasure replies “Actually I have found that where my eyesight failed, my other senses pi...

A boy doesn’t want to go to church on Sunday, so he stays in bed.

His parents are furious that he’s not ready to go so they instead leaves without him. His parents talk to him for a long time about why going to church is important so he promises to go next time.

The next week he just feels so tired and really doesn’t want to go to church. So he hides in hi...

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A young guy comes to the city for a job ....

He finds a vacancy at a department store, and gets invited for an interview.



The manager asks if he has any previous sales experience to which he replies that he was a vacuum salesman back in his home town. Although unsure, the manager see's potential in the kid and hires him. "You ...

A young man follows in his father's footsteps... (Long)

The father chopped wood


The son chopped wood


The father built the family home


The son helped expand it


The father did many manual labor jobs to feed the family


The son sacrificed schooling to help at these jobs


The father and son did ...

A guy goes skydiving for the first time...

... and while he's in the plane he's looking at his fellow jumpers. He's quite surprised when he sees that among them is a blind man, with his guide dog. After a bit of internal debate about minding his own business, curiosity wins out and he decides to just ask.

"Excuse me, but are you blind...

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Iron Man is sexist

The fellas down at Marvel need to create an Iron Woman. She would use her super strength and agility to get even the toughest stains out of my office slacks.

A man walking along the beach picks up a gienie bottle.

He rubs it off and a gienie comes out.
The gienie said, "You have awoken me from my slumber. In return, I will give you 1 wish."
The man said, "Oh my God... Wait. 1 wish? Don't I get 3?"
"Dude, I've been stuck in a bottle for 2000 years! Cut me some slack! What is your wish?"
"So...I hav...

Slave Driver

Old Joe was well off, he owned his own land, and on that land, a huge farmhouse.

The farmhouse was much too big for himself and his lady to upkeep, so he sort some help at the local slave market. He put them up in his converted barn, and paid them all a small allowance each day.

His go...

A new manager was hired....

The new manager walked all around the factory, inspecting his workers, when he came to a room where he saw someone slacking off, leaning against the wall. The manager hid behind a few pipes and watched the employee for 5 minutes.
The person didn't move a muscle, so the manager aproached him and o...

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NSFW The Voodoo Dick.

A man married to a nymphomaniac is going on a business trip, and he is worried his wife is going to cheat on him. So he decides to buy her a toy in the hopes of keeping her satisfied until he gets back. He goes to the neighborhood sex shop and explains his situation the the store owner. The owner gr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

OK Joke

So, my boss recently fired me and he sent me an email that read "I did not want to fire you, but I had to. You were slacking on every project I assigned to you and you get too easily distracted. Please stop by and pick up your things, OK? I expect to see that your office is empty by Saturday."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two drug addicts appear in court...

On sentencing, the judge decides to cut them some slack.

"You two have one week to convince as many drug addicts to give up drugs as possible. After a week, whomever of you convinced more addicts to give up drugs will be let off".

A week later, both addicts return to the courtroom....

Three teenage boys are walking in the woods and they come across an abandoned well.

They walk up to it and peer down into the darkness. The boys start wondering out loud how deep it is and one quickly grabs a pebble to test it out. He drops it into the well and they listen...but there's nothing.

So the second boy grabs a rock, one about the size of a baseball and drops it ...

So The Wife Comes Home...

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.

Driving home, I s...

A guy goes skydiving...

and there's a blind guy on the plane going up with him. The blind guy has a seeing eye dog with him and a really really long leash. As they're going up the guy asks him, "Why bring the dog with you?"

The blind guys says, "He jumps first to let me know when to pull my chute."

"How does ...

A blind guy walks into a bar...

A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He makes his way through the crowded joint to order a beer from the bar.

After a few sips the man casually grabs the slack from the leash, and proceeds to swing the dog by its neck around his head like a helicopter.

Several terri...

The nurse who kept getting it backwards

Man visits a friend in the hospital only to find the other patients in the ward looking a bit odd. "Lucy, what's going on with the other patients today?" said the man to his other half.

"Oh it's the new nurse" said Lucy, "She just keeps getting things the wrong way round! See that man over t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So when I was an altar boy when I was a kid...

...and its not all that you'd think it would be. Contrary to popular belief, an aletrboy's true purpose is to put up with the priests shit, and to pick up the slack when he drops the ball. Anyway, one day I was sweeping the chapel floor when i heard somebody whisper my name. I looked around and saw ...

A woman is waiting at a bus stop.

When the bus finally gets there the doors open and she tries to get on. She is extremely embarrassed when her leg cannot reach the top step. She reaches behind her and unzips her tight dress a little bit to try to give so slack. Once again she lifts her leg and tries but just can't reach the step. S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't blind people skydive more often?

It scares the shit outta their dog!



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-



-



-



**Now how do the blind people know they're about to hit the ground ?**

The leash gets slack.

Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student

but he slacked off one semester.

When he got his report card, he shouted "Bs! Not the Bs!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes out drinking late every night with his friends...

A man goes out drinking late every night with his friends. His wife finally says that if he comes home too drunk one more time she will leave him. The next night the man goes out with his friends and refuses to drink. However a very old friend surprises the group and starts buying shots and toastin...

Blind man walks into a bar..

He sits down, pint for him, shandy for the dog. The bar man asks him "So fella, what ya been up to recently?"

"Skydiving" said the blind man.

"Skydiving?!" said the barman astonished "How long have you been doing that now?"

"A few months now, did my first solo jump there last...

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A field guide to corpses

there was a professor at a school that taught morticians how to do their thing during an autopsy. The professor had a pretty slack bunch of students this time and decided to give them a test while they were around the corpse they had to practice on. he told them that to tell in the field how long a ...

Two men in their 40's are discussing their wives

"After being married for 20 years she has gotten slack down there, how do deal with it?"
"You should try it other hole!"
"No way, I don't want another kid!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was invited to a costume party and didn't have money for a costume.

I showed up at the door barefoot, shirtless, and wearing nothing but a pair of khaki slacks and no underwear.

When the host asked what I was supposed to be, I replied: "I'm a premature ejaculation. I just came in my pants."

How to blind parachutist know they're close to the ground?

The feel the leash go slack!

(heard this one while listening to some irish tunes)

A young man...

had just bought a brand new sportscar. He was sitting at a red light when an 80 year old wearing a half helmet and goggles pulled up alongside him on a beat up, old moped. As they sat there the old guy began to gawk at his car.

“My goodness, sonny” the old man wheezed. “That's a lotta car ya...

Why should you never let a non-metal drive a train?

Because they're poor conductors!

(I know they're called Engineers but cut me some slack, I thought of this in the 9th grade.)

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