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Yarn Jokes

What happened to the cat after she swallowed a ball of yarn?

She had mittens.

What did one strand of yarn say to the other?

I'm not ready to dye, I still have a few ends to tie up.

"Ball up..."

Grandma said I she’d knit whatever I want if I pick the yarn...

So I bought her some steel wool and asked her to knit me a car

A Tailor Had His Eyes Replaced With Yarn Balls...

...So now he has fiber optics.

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I thought one of my parents took up knitting after I saw balls of yarn, turns out they were eating it instead.

I never thought I'd see a real live woolly ma mouth.

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A Jewish man owns a craft shop

The local tailor, a known racist and anti-Semite, goes into his shop and says "Oi, I want some yellow yarn, deliver it to my shop tomorrow at nine exactly."

The Jewish shop owner is loathe to serve this man, but knowing it's where almost a quarter of his profits come from, he has little choic...

On the first day of creation, God created the cat

On the second day of creation, He created the human to selflessly serve the cat

On the third day, He created the tuna, the mice, and the inferior animals of the Earth to serve as potential food for the cat

On the fourth day, He created honest toil so that man could labour long an hard ...

How did I get rich?

Well I was working on my sheep farm. We had just sheared the flock and spun the wool into yarn. As I was dying one skein of yarn green, a lamb wandered over and fell into the tub of dye. By the time I rescued the poor thing, he'd already managed to turn himself completely green.

Well, a littl...

A man is eating his soup at a restaurant when he drops his spoon.

He waves the waiter over and tells him he dropped his spoon and would like a new one.

The waiter pulls a fresh spoon out of his apron pocket and hands it to the man.

The man, impressed, says he's never seen such fast service. The waiter replies by saying that statistics show that the s...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview...

James Bond hits upon hard times and finds himself facing a job seeker interview,

"Well Mr Bond we have two positions we can offer you, one is giving lectures to children on the benefits of a career in military intelligence, and the other is in the fabric staining department of a yarn mill. "<...

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Yarn.

I don't like Muslin Afghans and think people should stone them.

A good stonewash can make muslin fabric softer and more flexible which is better suited for afghans and blankets in general, otherwise just go with a soft acrylic yarn.

So I heard you like puns with convoluted setups...

well, much like a child insisting her mother use needles and yarn to repair her favorite plush animal named after it's bright, glinting visual organs reminding one of morning precipitation: Sew dew eye.

Walt Disney

Just after WWII, Walt Disney was at a loss for new subjects for his movies and decided to take his family on a tour of the world to refresh his creative spirit. Walt, ever the optimist, was undaunted and vowed to seek out an idea for a new film, even if he had to stray from his normal family-friendl...

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I need new pals. So I was at my locker before class with all the stuff I like in front of me, attached to yarn. "What're you doing?" asks the Principal. "Fishing for a new friend group. This is stuff Im into they may like." I said. "You cant leave this stuff laying here." He says. So I say "Why..."

It's just clique bate.

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The spoon (long joke)

A family is eating in a restaurant and as the waiter is refilling their drinks the dad drops his iced tea spoon. Not missing a beat the waiter puts a spoon back in his glass. Curious, he asks "how did you know I was going to drop it?" "I didn't. Studies show that the most dropped utensil is the spoo...

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