Ripcord Jokes

A skydiver jumps out of a plane.
20,000ft
18,000ft
16,000ft
He pulls on his ripcord.
Nothing happens.
14,000ft
12,000ft
He pulls his backup ripcord.
10,000ft
Nothing happens
8,000ft
6,000ft
4,000ft
Suddenly a man flies up to him ... read more

The lead goes slack

The corporal explained the procedure "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up."

The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo! " and jumped o... read more

And after a few seconds he starts to panic because the ripcord isn't working as he continues to plummet to earth. Suddenly, he sees a dude going from the ground up and yells, "Hey, do you know anything about parachutes?" The other guy yells back, "No, do you know anything about gas stoves?"

A man is falling out of a plane, intending to go parachuting. He pulls the ripcord, and it breaks.

Okay, he thinks. That's why there's a backup. He pulls the backup ripcord, and... It breaks.

At this point, he's thoroughly worried. But then, he sees a guy flying up right at him, as tho... read more

First, the French man jumps out of airplane. At the right time, he says "viva la France" and pulls the ripcord. Then, the German man jumps out and pulls the ripcord at precisely 1000 feet. Then, the Polish man jumps out of the airplane and he passes the 1000 foot mark but does not pull the ripcord. ... read more

Because her ripcord malfunctioned.

As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.

She yells out to him, “Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?”

He replies back “No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??”

A man always wanted to go skydiving, but was never able to gather the courage. He goes to the local airport and inquires about what is involved in the jump.

The manager explainxs the procedure to him -- “We are expert parachute packers, and have never had a failure. We take you up in the pl... read more

So he immediately pulled the ripcord of his reserve chute, and that failed to open as well.

As he was falling to the earth, he came across a guy that was flying up from the ground. So the skydiver that was going down yelled to the guy that was going up, "Hey, do you know anything about parac... read more

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pu... read more