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Cooks Jokes

Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are ~~German~~ American, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

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In Japan, what do you say to your mom when she cooks for you?

I love umami !!

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A man tells his wife "you've been watching the food channel for years and you're still one of the worst cooks I know..."

"Honey," she replies, "for how many years you've been watching porn?"

What do you call it when a Jamaican chef cooks Hawaiian food?

Poké, mon!

Why are cooks funny?

They can crack yolks.

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Dad cooks dinner.

He gives his kids deer meat, but doesn't tell them but gives them a clue.

Dad: What kind of meat is this, it's something mom calls me every day.

Sarah: OMG Billy, It's an asshole don't eat it.

When are cooks at their meanest?

When they mercilessly beat the eggs and whip the cream!

Yo momma cooks so bad...

The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

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My girlfriend is one of the worst cooks in the world

Just last night the raccoons offered me money to chip in for a lock on my garbage bin!

What do you call a zombie that cooks stir-frys ?

Dead Man Wok-ing ...

What kind of car cooks?

A chefrolet

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A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' sh...

Men are better cooks

With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.

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My 8 year old niece told me this yesterday...

A man goes to the fish market and walks up to a stall. There is a young boy selling fish. The boy is shouting "BUY MY DAMN FISH!". The man says you can't say that! The boy responds. "What do you mean? I caught them at the dam. These are dam fish." The man says okay and buys some and brings them home...

People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food...

...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.

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A man walking his dog comes across an old man sat on a park bench sobbing

He walks up to him out of concern, and says "Is everything OK?".

The old man says "Well not really".

"What's wrong?" says the man?

"Well a couple of weeks ago, I married this 30 year old exotic dancer. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Every morning, she wakes me up...

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A father cooks dinner for his children.

A father is cooking deer for his children, but decided not to tell them what it is, and tells them to guess. As a hint to what it is he tells them "Your mother calls me this all the time" to which his son replies. " It's Fucking Dick! Don't eat it!!"

Why are men better cooks?

They only need 2 eggs n 1 sausage to keep a girl full for 9 months

Why are Chinese Bears the best cooks?

The Pan Duh.

-Does your wife cooks you eggs?

-Only beaten.

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New camp cook joins a cattle drive..

Cowboys are all out herding the cattle. Cook sees an old sheep tied to the back of a wagon. Figures he can use it for dinner. Butchers and cooks up the sheep. Cowboys come back to camp hungry. As they are enjoying their meal, one of the cowboys looks around and can’t see the sheep. New camp coo...

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Three married men sit at a bar. one ugly, one average, and one handsome

The conversation shifts to their love lives.

The first, ugly man says "My wife nor I are all that nice to look at, but we have a loving relationship with great communication. We both cook and clean and take care of each other. In fact, since we have trouble looking at each other in bed, we've...

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What's for dinner when a cannibal cooks up an autistic person?

Ass-burgers

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