Overweight convict escaped from prison last night,

still at large.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.

Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his w...

What happened to the escaped convict who fell into a pool of concrete?

He became a hardened criminal.

I just saw a convict on an elevator heading to the ground floor

He was condescending.

Did you hear about the escaped convict with the speech impediment?

He was never good at finishing his sentences.

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

When England settled her colonies how come America got Christian zealots and Australia got convicts?

Australia got first pick.

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An escaped convict was on the run:

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had managed to break out of prison. 


While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied them to some chairs, across the room from each other.


He went over to th...

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A motorcycle cop stops

a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade,...

What do you call a rude convict going downstairs?

A condescending con descending.

While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

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Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison?

A: Some asshole brings 'em in.

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It's a convicts first day in prison

It's a convicts first day in prison. He's a young convict and he's crying. An older convict comes over and sits down. He says look it's not so bad here. For instance, do you like movies? The new guy says, "Yeah I love movies." Every Monday we have movie night, first run movie. Do you like Italian fo...

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Escaped convict

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieve...

What happened to the convict on death row who ordered only an ice cream sunday as his last meal?

He got his just desserts

Damn girl, are you the wife of a convict serving a long term in a federal penitentiary?

Because you left before I even finished my sentence

Why is it so difficult to convict a redneck?

Because they all have the same DNA and no dental records.

Apparently the norwegian government pays for you to hire convicts

I guess there are some pro's to hirin a con.

What do you get if a convict goes camping?

Criminal Intent.

Did you hear about the convict who refused to take a nap?

He was resisting a rest.

Surprise! A blonde joke!

A brunette, a ginger, and a blonde are all running from the police. They come across a barn and decide it’s the best place to hide. Once inside, they find a few empty burlap sacks. The police arrive after just a few minutes. Their dogs quickly move the officers towards the burlap sacks where these c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.

Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and the makes passionate love to her for hours....

(OC) A man is on trial for sleeping with his sister.

The prosecutor feels it should be an airtight case and tries as hard as he can to organize enough damning evidence as possible to put the perv away for a long time. The trial begins and it is obviously a disturbing proceeding, but there is a shadow of a doubt to whether the man is guilty or innocent...

A guy goes to a museum

On the tour, the tour guide shows them an exhibition and tells them, "this is the very first, teepee designed to securely hold criminals. The Native Americans used it to house convicts".

The next day, the guy is passing the museum and sees they are taking down the name on the front of the mus...

Last Request

Two convicts who were about to be executed, The warden says to the first one, ‘Do you have a last request?’
The convict says, ‘Yes, I’d like to hear the song “Achy Breaky Heart” one last time.’The Warden says, ‘OK, I think we can arrange that.’ Then he says to the second convict, ‘How about you...

E COLI OUTBREAK

Because of the E coli outbreak with romaine, convicts are abstaining from tossing anyone's salad

Why is it that when other people wear their uniforms in the airport people clap?

But when I wear my uniform people shout things like

"It's an escaped convict! Run!"

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A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...

...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'

The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'

The i...

There's a church running out of funding

Because their beliefs aren't popular anymore. They're very conservative, and the members are very loyal. There isn't another church like them in any nearby town, and they don't want to let their members down. The church is run by friars sworn to be completely devout to the church and work nowhere el...

Judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison.

convict: (whispers to lawyer)

lawyer: my client has requested that you add one more year.

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