Did you hear about the escaped convict with the speech impediment?

He was never good at finishing his sentences.

What happened to the escaped convict who fell into a pool of concrete?

He became a hardened criminal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man escapes from prison

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, ki...

I just saw a convict on an elevator heading to the ground floor

He was condescending.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An escaped convict was on the run:

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had managed to break out of prison. 


While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied them to some chairs, across the room from each other.


He went over to th...

When England settled her colonies how come America got Christian zealots and Australia got convicts?

Australia got first pick.

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A motorcycle cop stops

a driver for running a red light. The driver
is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!


So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist
instantly goes on a tirade,...

What do you call a rude convict going downstairs?

A condescending con descending.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Q: How do convicts get drugs while they're in prison?

A: Some asshole brings 'em in.

While driving home I heard on the radio that convicts had escaped a prisoner transport after colliding with a concrete truck.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

What happened to the convict on death row who ordered only an ice cream sunday as his last meal?

He got his just desserts

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Escaped convict

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieve...

Damn girl, are you the wife of a convict serving a long term in a federal penitentiary?

Because you left before I even finished my sentence

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's a convicts first day in prison

It's a convicts first day in prison. He's a young convict and he's crying. An older convict comes over and sits down. He says look it's not so bad here. For instance, do you like movies? The new guy says, "Yeah I love movies." Every Monday we have movie night, first run movie. Do you like Italian fo...

Apparently the norwegian government pays for you to hire convicts

I guess there are some pro's to hirin a con.

What do you get if a convict goes camping?

Criminal Intent.

Why is it so difficult to convict a redneck?

Because they all have the same DNA and no dental records.

Last Request

Two convicts who were about to be executed, The warden says to the first one, ‘Do you have a last request?’
The convict says, ‘Yes, I’d like to hear the song “Achy Breaky Heart” one last time.’The Warden says, ‘OK, I think we can arrange that.’ Then he says to the second convict, ‘How about you...

Did you hear about the convict who refused to take a nap?

He was resisting a rest.

E COLI OUTBREAK

Because of the E coli outbreak with romaine, convicts are abstaining from tossing anyone's salad

A guy goes to a museum

On the tour, the tour guide shows them an exhibition and tells them, "this is the very first, teepee designed to securely hold criminals. The Native Americans used it to house convicts".

The next day, the guy is passing the museum and sees they are taking down the name on the front of the mus...

Why is it that when other people wear their uniforms in the airport people clap?

But when I wear my uniform people shout things like

"It's an escaped convict! Run!"

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A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...

...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'

The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'

The i...

There's a church running out of funding

Because their beliefs aren't popular anymore. They're very conservative, and the members are very loyal. There isn't another church like them in any nearby town, and they don't want to let their members down. The church is run by friars sworn to be completely devout to the church and work nowhere el...

Judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison.

convict: (whispers to lawyer)

lawyer: my client has requested that you add one more year.

Condescending

A midget convict was escaping out of a window, and as he lowered himself down I was walking past, and we made eye contact and he sneered at me and I thought "that's a little condescending". (Say it out loud)

A young man gets sent to jail...

A young man gets sent to jail, and gets put into jail cell with a convict with the size of the incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk. "Let's play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?"

Thinking quickly , the man says "Daddy."

"Then come up here and suc...

First Night in Prison

A man settles into his cell on his first night of a long prison sentence. The guard leaves and the lights turn off for the night. A few seconds later, someone yells, "18!", and everyone in the cell block starts laughing. A few minutes later, someone else yells, "34!", and again the entire cell bloc...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Friday evening a notorious murderer

has just escaped from Texas State Prison.
Police advise members of the public that they should not approach him at any costs, but report any sightings to their nearest police station.

Saturday afternoon, the convict surrender himself to police.

When asked why he gave himself up...