Comparing Texas lawmakers with the Taliban seems a little extreme.

One is authoritarian theocracy armed by US weapons manufacturers that violently persecutes women and children in the name of religion and the other is the Taliban.

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A greek and an Irish were comparing their heritages.

"We built the pantheon, along with the Temple of Apollo", said the Greek.

"Aye, 'twas the Irish the discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices", replied the Irish.

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but was the Irish who built the first tim...

Two friends were comparing their belongings

The first guy goes: 'i have ants'

The second guy : 'well i have taller ants'

The first guy : 'well i got a tube of glue'

The second guy : 'and i have an entire tin of it'

The first guy: 'i got bread as well'

The second guy: 'ugh you win, i can't handle that with my...

Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump.

But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes (old Soviet joke)

"What did they arrest you for?" asks the first. "Was it a political or common crime?"

"Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven ...

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

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Three old man are comparing the severity of their old-age problems

The first one says, "I have an enlarged prostate and it's so hard to pee, I even started drinking less water because I can't let it all out well"

The second one says, "I have chronic constipation and it's so hard to crap, I even started eating less because it's not going out well enough other...

A traditional tunisian joke I was told by my grandmother and she heard from hers

The bey(King) was missing his mistress who was living far away. He decided to pay her a visit wearing his more expensive clothes, but out of precaution, he decided to first ask his wazir(minister) of weather whether there would be rain on that day.
The wazir paused for 5 minutes, assessing the cl...

Could someone please tell me why people are comparing Greta Thunberg with the US president?

It's impudent and just wrong. One is an angry, attention-seeking child that yells at foreign leaders on international conferences and never does anything that actually helps.

The other one is a Swedish climate activist.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

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My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

Nsfw. Jesus n Moses are walking down the beach comparing powers. Moses goes to Jesus, "Check this out." He faces the ocean n parts it clear down the middle. Jesus with a smirk, "ok ok, put it back n watch this."..

Jesus begins to walk out on the water and starts to sink. Jesus walks back n says to Moses "I don't get it, I can usually walk on water." Moses, laughing. "Probably because you got them holes in your feet."

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I always see people comparing Trump to Hitler, and I think that’s incredibly ignorant

At least Hitler knew what he was doing

They did a study comparing the brains of 17 people with depression and the brains of 18 healthy people

They discovered that on average, the depressed group had one brain less.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

[Long] I was working the register of a pharmacy when a woman came up to me asking for breath mints.

I pointed her to the candy aisle and told her they were about halfway down on the left.

She said that she'd been down there already, and that all of the mints had loads of sugar in them, and if she them they'd make her hyper and overly excited.

I had never heard of anyone getting too e...

Three wives were talking to each other about their husbands and comparing them to drinks.

The first said, "My husband is like 7-Up. Because he's got 7 inches, and it's always up."

The second said, "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew. Because when he gets home from work, he likes to 'mount and do' me."

The third says, "My husband is like Jack Daniels."

The first r...

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I'm getting real tired of people comparing Trump to Hitler.

I mean, I get it: they both appeal to the radical far right Uber-nationalists and blame problems on minority groups but whatever, it's getting out of hand. Grow up and show some damn respect!Hitler at least actively served in the military and didn't get a deferment.

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It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to Hitler.

It's not fair for people to keep comparing Trump to Hitler. Hitler was a decorated war hero and qualified leader.

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(NSFW) Milton Berle had a famously large penis. Another comedian (who also considered himself well-hung) kept pestering Berle to have a contest comparing their tools.

Berle said, "Fine, but I'm only going to take out enough to win."

I was comparing the Male and Female genitalia.

I noticed a vas deferens.

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A group of grade 5 students were comparing dick sizes

Amongst the group, the black kid had the biggest penis size in the group.
The black kid went home pretty confused and asked his cousin "Dude, compared to my friends, I had the biggest dick. Is it because I'm black?"
The cousin replied "No dude, it's because you're 18 years old."

Three inmates in Communist Eastern Germany are comparing their stories.

The first one says: "I always showed up to work 5 minutes late, so they booked me for sabotage".

The second explains: "I always showed up 5 minutes early, so they booked me for espionage."

The last one says: "I was always on time, and that's when they realized my watch is from West Ger...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Comparing dick size is like asking the difference between guac and guacamole...

They're both the same thing, one's just a lot less of a mouthful.

To the people comparing Rachel Dolezal pretending to be black to Caitlyn Jenner being trans...

Transrachel isn't the same as transjenner.

A Jewish and an Italian boy were growing up on the same street in the Bronx and became fast friends. Mainly because they shared the same birthday.

On their 12th birthdays, the Jewish boy receives a Rolex watch. The Italian boy receives a chrome 45 cal pistol.

Comparing what each got for their birthdays, they decide to trade. The Italian boy comes home to show his father what a good trade he's made. The Italian father slaps the boy upsid...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

[Long] r/jokes these days is just like men comparing their dicks these days

They don't know what long means

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Why isn’t it fair to compare Mike Pence to Donald Trump?

Because it’s like comparing assholes to oranges.

Comparing subjects that are apples to oranges isn’t useless

It can lead to a fruitful discussion

Critics are comparing Aquaman to Black Panther

At first glance, the movies do appear similar. They both feature ancient sci-fi utopias hidden from the rest of the world. In each movie, theres a fight for the throne in order to stop a war. However, they are ignoring one major difference: the characters in Aquaman can swim.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

People really need to stop comparing Trump to Hitler.

After all, Hitler had a much higher approval rating.

Why do Python programmers have low self esteem?

They're constantly comparing their self to other.

The President of the United States and the Prime minister of China are comparing their bodyguards.

The president orders his secret service agent to jump off a 40 foot platform. The agent heisitates and does so.
The prime minister immediately orders his bodyguard to do the same. The guard jumps without batting an eye.
The president, feeling a little defeated, orders his bodyguard to jump off...

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Two old men are comparing their sex lives:

Man 1: I can still do it twice!


Man 2: Which time do you enjoy the most?


Man 1: I think the winter.

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible.

I had to do a lot of cross referencing.

Why are people comparing Trump to Reagen?

Reagan's biggest accomplishment was tearing down a wall not putting one up.

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