I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…”

– and then it hit me.

What’s the different between a cat and a comma

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

A man has been found guilty for over using commas

The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence

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My two favorite things are fucking my step sister and not using commas.

I also can't count.

If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally hit enter instead of a comma

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With or without the comma?

man, tits are the best!

man tits are the best!

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

There are 3 things that I love:

The Oxford Comma, irony, and missed opportunities.

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The difference between "Let's eat out, Grandma!" and "Let's eat out Grandma!" is a comma. Don't let unnecessary punctuation rob Grandma of a potentially fulfilling sexual experience....

There should be a 3% syntax on jokes like these.

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?

A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

My 3 favourite things:

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

Jack, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a great time.

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

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Commas in a sentence can change everything.

I helped my uncle jack, off a horse.

I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

If I had a puppy I'd name it comma.

Why? Because of its small pause.

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

Common English Mistakes

Common English Mistakes

-mixing up there, their, and they're

-using the wrong too, to, or two

-putting commas in the wrong place

-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches

-using apostrophes for plurals

Learn the use of comma, save a wedding.

Do your best man.

Do your best, man.

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

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My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'

I had sex with Santa's wife and separated the clauses

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The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

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Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Let's fuck grandma.

Let's fuck, grandma.

Did you know that a single comma can insult a head of state?

Trash is Putin, the garbage bin.

I was a really poor student...

My English teacher once told me that he loves cooking children and pets. He also tried to teach me about commas being really important but I didn't pay attention to that part.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

The inventor of the Oxford Comma has died.

Tributes have been lead by JK Rowling, his wife and the Queen of England.

The real joke is in the commas

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he sa...

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to ...

Why can't jokes be saved in a .csv file?

Because they are comma delimited.

(Comedy limited)

just left the doctor’s office.

he told me “don’t eat anything fatty”.

oh wait. i forgot the comma

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

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A comma is the difference between

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."

and

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

Commas are important people

Unless you consider them human, too.

Colons can drastically change the meanings of sentences, far more than commas.

For example,

I come in a car

I come in a colon

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for /r/riddles but I think its more a joke

Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws

commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

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Commas make all the difference

He was fucking up, until the end.

He was fucking, up until the end.

I’m all for three things . . .

Maintaining parallel structure, always using the Oxford comma and hypocrisy.

Oh brother!

A woman is in an accident while she's pregnant. While in a comma she has twins (a boy & a girl). When she woke up she asked the doctor were her baby was.

The doctor said she had twins but her brother named them.

She replied,"My brother is an idiot I wonder what names he gave them....

A man was in a terrible accident, and his wife asked for his prognosis

Well, Mrs. Smith, your husband went into a short period of suspended animation.



Oh my God! He went into a Coma?



No, it was for only a few seconds. I'd call it more of a comma.

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