I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…”

– and then it hit me.

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

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Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Let's fuck grandma.

Let's fuck, grandma.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to ...

What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Jack, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a great time.

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

Learn the use of comma, save a wedding.

Do your best man.

Do your best, man.

A comma can save a life.

Let's eat grandma.


Let's eat, grandma.

A man has been found guilty of overusing commas

The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.

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A comma is important in a sentence

For example...

I was helping my uncle jack, off a horse.

I was helping my uncle jack off a horse.

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

My friend was in a comma

The doctor said "Do you mean coma?" and I replied "No, it's just a short rest."

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...

The general stood tall and said "1780 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1780?! That long?! You must be an immortal! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddle...

Did you know that a single comma can insult a head of state?

Trash is Putin, the garbage bin.

My three favorite things are...

Eating my family and not using commas.

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The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

If I had a puppy I'd name it comma.

Why? Because of its small pause.

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

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My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'

I had sex with Santa's wife and separated the clauses

Common English mistakes:

- Mixing up their, there or they're

- Wrong use of to, too or two

- Enslaving innocent people

- Putting commas in the wrong place

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

The real joke is in the commas

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he sa...

Commas are important people

Unless you consider them human, too.

The semicolon was invented because the colon was lonely...

It just wanted a little comma-raderie.

A comma is the difference between

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."

and

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

The inventor of the Oxford Comma has died.

Tributes have been lead by JK Rowling, his wife and the Queen of England.

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Commas make all the difference

He was fucking up, until the end.

He was fucking, up until the end.

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for /r/riddles but I think its more a joke

Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws

commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

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Sven and Ole are asked to identify a body. (Sad to discover after Googling that this will be a repost, but I was recently told this by my 86 y/o Wisconsinite grandmother and wanted to share.)

So Sven and Ole get a sad call to learn that their good friend, Anders, has passed away and they need to identify the body.

When they get to the morgue, Sven goes in first. The doctor uncovers the body and Sven says, “Aww gee, that sure looks like Anders...could ya flip him over and spread h...

Why can't women be writers?

They're afraid of periods.

My 3 Favorite Things

My 3 favorite things are the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities

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What do you you call grammar nazis who listen to Radiohead?

The Comma Police

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A pirate walks into a bar, with a wooden leg, a hook on his arm and an eye patch...

The Bartender looks at him and says " My god man, what happened to you?"

The pirate replies, " Well I'm a pirate. One day I did something wrong and they made me walk the plank. Before I could get out, a shark bit my leg off. Now I have to have a wooden leg."

Bartender asks, "what about...

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