I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…”

– and then it hit me.

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Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Let's fuck grandma.

Let's fuck, grandma.

What’s the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

There are 3 things I love:

Eating my family and not using commas

Learn the use of comma, save a wedding.

Do your best man.

Do your best, man.

A comma can save a life.

Let's eat grandma.


Let's eat, grandma.

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

Why can't women be writers?

They're afraid of periods.

My friend was in a comma

The doctor said "Do you mean coma?" and I replied "No, it's just a short rest."

My four favorite things..

..are chicken pot pie and not using commas.

Did you know that a single comma can insult a head of state?

Trash is Putin, the garbage bin.

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Commas in a sentence can change everything.

I helped my uncle jack, off a horse.

I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.

They both had a great time.

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

A man has been found guilty of overusing commas

The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence.

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What do you you call grammar nazis who listen to Radiohead?

The Comma Police

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The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

If I had a puppy I'd name it comma.

Why? Because of its small pause.

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Sven and Ole are asked to identify a body. (Sad to discover after Googling that this will be a repost, but I was recently told this by my 86 y/o Wisconsinite grandmother and wanted to share.)

So Sven and Ole get a sad call to learn that their good friend, Anders, has passed away and they need to identify the body.

When they get to the morgue, Sven goes in first. The doctor uncovers the body and Sven says, “Aww gee, that sure looks like Anders...could ya flip him over and spread h...

A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich

He eats, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for the food!" The panda yells back, "Hey man, I'm a panda. Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary to panda, "A tre...

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A pirate walks into a bar, with a wooden leg, a hook on his arm and an eye patch...

The Bartender looks at him and says " My god man, what happened to you?"

The pirate replies, " Well I'm a pirate. One day I did something wrong and they made me walk the plank. Before I could get out, a shark bit my leg off. Now I have to have a wooden leg."

Bartender asks, "what about...

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

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My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'

I had sex with Santa's wife and separated the clauses

Commas are important people

Unless you consider them human, too.

The real joke is in the commas

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he sa...

Colons can drastically change the meanings of sentences, far more than commas.

For example,

I come in a car

I come in a colon

A comma is the difference between

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."

and

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

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Man boobs are awesome

Shit I forgot the comma.

My 3 Favorite Things

My 3 favorite things are the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for /r/riddles but I think its more a joke

Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws

commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

Why can't you read the following sentence at 120 words per minute

Because, adding, commas, can, slow, down, the, speed, a, person, normally, reads, at

The grammarian was very logical.

He had a lot of comma sense.

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