A comma can save a life.

Let's eat grandma.


Let's eat, grandma.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Jeff, a semi colon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.

Both of them have a great time.

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I called in on my doctor yesterday because I had found deep inside between my buttocks a full-stop and also a comma just below it.

He took one look, paused for a moment, and then referred me for a semi-colonoscopy.

What’s the difference between a comma and a coma?

One pauses your sentence, the other pauses your life.

A man has been found guilty for over using commas

The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence

If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally hit enter instead of a comma

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My two favorite things are fucking my step sister and not using commas.

I also can't count.

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With or without the comma?

man, tits are the best!

man tits are the best!

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

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The difference between "Let's eat out, Grandma!" and "Let's eat out Grandma!" is a comma. Don't let unnecessary punctuation rob Grandma of a potentially fulfilling sexual experience....

There should be a 3% syntax on jokes like these.

What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?

A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

Punctuation Matters!

I was walking past a farm and a sign said:

"Duck, Eggs"

I thought: That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me."

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How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

There are 3 things that I love:

The Oxford Comma, irony, and missed opportunities.

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Commas in a sentence can change everything.

I helped my uncle jack, off a horse.

I helped my uncle jack off a horse.

If I had a puppy I'd name it comma.

Why? Because of its small pause.

Learn the use of comma, save a wedding.

Do your best man.

Do your best, man.

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My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'

I had sex with Santa's wife and separated the clauses

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

Did you know that a single comma can insult a head of state?

Trash is Putin, the garbage bin.

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The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

Common English Mistakes

Common English Mistakes

-mixing up there, their, and they're

-using the wrong too, to, or two

-putting commas in the wrong place

-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches

-using apostrophes for plurals

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Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Let's fuck grandma.

Let's fuck, grandma.

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for /r/riddles but I think its more a joke

Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws

commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

The real joke is in the commas

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he sa...

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A comma is the difference between

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."

and

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

Commas are important people

Unless you consider them human, too.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to ...

Nurses have been placing an unconscious guy's bed on the ICU floor to indicate where doctors can stop for a while and rest during their rounds.

They call him the comma patient.

Why can't jokes be saved in a .csv file?

Because they are comma delimited.

(Comedy limited)

just left the doctor’s office.

he told me “don’t eat anything fatty”.

oh wait. i forgot the comma

I was a really poor student...

My English teacher once told me that he loves cooking children and pets. He also tried to teach me about commas being really important but I didn't pay attention to that part.

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