A man has been found guilty for over using commas

The judge warned him to expect a very long sentence

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has its claws at the end of its paws, the other has its pause at the end of its clause.

I was walking by a farm when I noticed a sign that said "Duck, eggs." I remember thinking, that's an unnecessary comma.

Then it hit me

If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally hit enter instead of a comma

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The difference between "Let's eat out, Grandma!" and "Let's eat out Grandma!" is a comma. Don't let unnecessary punctuation rob Grandma of a potentially fulfilling sexual experience....

There should be a 3% syntax on jokes like these.

Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?

They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

A comma can save a life.

Let's eat grandma.


Let's eat, grandma.

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

Common English Mistakes

Common English Mistakes

-mixing up there, their, and they're

-using the wrong too, to, or two

-putting commas in the wrong place

-enslaving innocent people and stealing their riches

-using apostrophes for plurals

My three favorite things.

Eating my family and not using commas.

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Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Let's fuck grandma.

Let's fuck, grandma.

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

Jack, a semi colon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.

They both have a great time.

A man was in a terrible accident, and his wife asked for his prognosis

Well, Mrs. Smith, your husband went into a short period of suspended animation.



Oh my God! He went into a Coma?



No, it was for only a few seconds. I'd call it more of a comma.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five.

There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Rushing off to ...

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

Learn the use of comma, save a wedding.

Do your best man.

Do your best, man.

My friend was in a comma

The doctor said "Do you mean coma?" and I replied "No, it's just a short rest."

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A comma is important in a sentence

For example...

I was helping my uncle jack, off a horse.

I was helping my uncle jack off a horse.

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

If I had a puppy I'd name it comma.

Why? Because of its small pause.

After years of saving, I finally have a comma in my bank account!

$ -1,250

Please practice safe text.

Use a comma & you won’t miss a period.

Did you know that a single comma can insult a head of state?

Trash is Putin, the garbage bin.

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The comma button on my keyboard has an intermittent fault.

It doesn't work for short pauses.

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My nickname in the North Pole is 'comma'

I had sex with Santa's wife and separated the clauses

The real joke is in the commas

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"I'm a panda," he sa...

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.

A question mark walks into a bar?

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A comma is the difference between

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump, and Hillary Clinton."

and

"Yesterday, I met the strippers, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton."

Commas are important people

Unless you consider them human, too.

A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman...

The general stood tall and said "1780 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1780?! That long?! You must be an immortal! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddle...

The inventor of the Oxford Comma has died.

Tributes have been lead by JK Rowling, his wife and the Queen of England.

Now that we know how capitalization change a sentence's meaning, see what's a comma can do

"I'm back."

"Welcome back."

______

"I'm back."

"Welcome, back."

Now that's what I call a PUNctuation joke.

What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for /r/riddles but I think its more a joke

Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws

commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

The semicolon was invented because the colon was lonely...

It just wanted a little comma-raderie.

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