Shared Jokes - 36 Hilarious Shared Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were prime mates

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My granpa shared this joke with me many moons ago in an email chain I just found in my inbox, I thought I’d share it with yous.

A new ArmyCaptain
was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent.

He asks the sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you
kno...

Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed...

...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.

Three monks shared a cave…

... each under a vow of silence. One day a goat walked into the cave, looked around, and walked back out. He was never seen again.

A week later the guy on the left says “Black goat.”

A month later the guy on the right says “Grey goat.”

A year later the guy in the middle sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alright, screw it... here is my contribution to this sub. This is a joke from my HS days that, whomever I've shared it with, has had a healthy roar. Hope ya'll like it.

A man and his gf go into a bar. He walks over to grab a table and she heads straight for the bar. While she's waiting for their drinks, this absolutely hammered guy a few feet away leans over to her and goes: I just wanna tell you, you have an incredible rack on you.
She responds: Look pal, I'...

I shared my opinion on this site.

I regreddit.

James Caan shared this one in his famous Twitter fashion

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. End of tweet

My ex and I only stay together because of shared insurance.

We're friends with benefits.

I went on a date with a nice girl and we both had a shared interest but the date didn't go well. What was the shared interest

We both like boys

what do you call a security guard at a Samsung store

"A guardian of the galaxys"

my 11yo told me this one yesterday, and i thought it needed to be shared with the world 🤣

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once shared a bed with a narcoleptic that had IBS.

She was a shit sleeper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decided to tattoo his wife's name on his penis before going to their honeymoon

When erect it proudly reads *Wendy* on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows *Wy*.

While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a *Wy* on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy.
...

What do you call a group of shorebirds voting for their shared interests?

A bloc of seagulls.

My friend and I opened a shared bank account for buying weed.

It'll be our joint account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A childhood story my teacher shared

My intercultural communication teacher told us this today. Thought I'd share.

When he was about 16, he and his friends got the bright idea of egging some military vehicle. Once the eggs flew and hit their mark, a few marines in training around their early 20s rushed from the vehicle and appre...

My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!

She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.

It was a good time.

-
-

Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes and yes, this is a adaption to an old joke, i thought it was fitting regarding todays article about Alexa "laug...

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Unless it’s aids

The paraplegic shared his life story, yet nobody cried

The story was simply not moving.

3 chemists walk into a bar after having shared a banana.

The first chemist said, "I'll have H2O".

The second chemist said "I'll have H2O, too".

The third chemist was confused, and said " I'll have HO, too".

The first one was OK, the second one died, and the third one was OK2.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist shared with me that I’m totally incapable of expressing emotions.

I can’t say I’m surprised.

2 mummies shared a fart

They had a toot in common

I once shared renting a property with a man from the army...

...I took the right half, and he was the left tenant.

What do you call a drum shared by two nuns?

A conundrum.

This is a joke that from several decades ago, and was recently shared with me

The local government just finished paving a highway, and is hiring crews to paint stripes down the middle. He hires a crew of 5 guys (the og joke says mexican but thats not pc) and one (used to be polish) guy (again, not pc).

The first day of painting goes by, and the crew of 5 paints two mil...

I wish my dad had shared more things with me,

but he never had good internet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich man an a poor man shared a wedding anniversary...

Each year they asked eachother what they got their wives for their anniversary.

The rich man asked the poor man, the rich man said "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes"

Poor man : "whys that?"
Rich man : "well, if she doesn't like the the ring she can come home in the Mercedes a...

Laughter is meant to be shared, so if you can make just 1 person laugh

you're not very funny

An army training site and a mental asylum shared a fence..

One morning a doctor was walking in the yard of the asylum and noticed a patient who was playing with two buckets. One was filled with water and the other had holes in its bottom, so when he lowered her into the first one it made bubbling sounds. The doctor got curious and asked the patient "What is...

The name's Bond.

Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.

As my father and I shared some weed I told him all the great things about my wife.

I was speaking highly of her.

I shared my bed with a close friend the other night.

Hopefully she brings it back soon.

What do you call a bottle of Vodka which is shared by a group of Russian coworkers?

Team spirit.

A calm, respected woman walks into a Pharmacy

As she walks in, she goes right up to the pharmacist, looks him straight into his eyes and said;

"I would like to buy some cyanide,"

The pharmacist asked her:

"why in the world do you need cyanide?"

She said:

"I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmaci...

A Jewish and an Italian boy were growing up on the same street in the Bronx and became fast friends. Mainly because they shared the same birthday.

On their 12th birthdays, the Jewish boy receives a Rolex watch. The Italian boy receives a chrome 45 cal pistol.

Comparing what each got for their birthdays, they decide to trade. The Italian boy comes home to show his father what a good trade he's made. The Italian father slaps the boy upsid...

This guy told me to never share my private medical information...then he went and shared my private medical information.

What a HIPAA-crite.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.