It's my cake day but I'm really sad. My wife and I got into a huge fight. She went shopping and spent a ton of money on a bag of pasta.
Can you believe that? A bag of pasta!
She insists it will be worth every penne.
A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.
They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.
EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!
While eating lunch today, I found a single fusilli amongst my penne
You can say I spotted an impasta.
What do you call an Italian cook who steals from his restaurant?
a penne pincher
My dad played basketball for Penn State!
My bad, I meant state pen.
I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down.
They should have just turned it so it looked the other way.
I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.
At least 4 or 5.
“Show me where the money is!”, yelled the bank robber.
Robber: *waving his gun* “Tell me where the money is or I’ll shoot!”
Penn: “He always does this”.
Italians should lay off the penne and linguine for a while.
It's the obvious cause for why so many have pasta way.
Jerry Sandusky Penn State molestation charges affirmed in Court today.
Will there be a book? "From Penn State to State Pen: The Jerry Sandusky Story."
A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago
A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."
The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"
The man says, "Yeah."
The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."
The man says, "Yeah."
The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...
Penn State University
At Penn State University were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all da...
I threw spaghetti, rotini, penne rigate, and farfalle on my scanner.
All I got was copy pasta
Penn State has taken down the statue of Joe Paterno.
However, they have opted to leave his name on the library, as a reminder to stay quiet.
Penn State Prefers to be losing at half time..
Because at Penn State they like when you are a little behind in the locker room. - South Park
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
What do Jews in Nazi Germany and children at Penn State have in common?
They're both afraid of showers
I spent my entire life savings on Pasta
It was worth every Penne.
What’s a noodle that only costs one cent?
What did Forrest Gump say when asked what his favorite type of pasta is?
I love you Penne
What do you call a white hat hacker from Pennsylvania?
A penn tester
What do you call designer pasta?
What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?
Did you hear about the travelling pasta salesman?
His commission was penne's on the dollar
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
I’m 3’6”, which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.
Then suddenly the penne dropped.
Having intercourse is like having pasta
Because it involves penne tration
What does Elton John have after getting drunk at an Italian restaurant?
Penne and regrets
I didn't understand what my wife meant when she told me I was holding the bag of pasta upside down...
Then the Penne dropped
How much do noodles cost?
How much do noodles cost? About a penne.
I taught my son about gravity by throwing pasta and sauce at the ceiling
He didn't get it at first, but it wasn't long before the penne dropped.
I thought of writing a letter to my Grandma to tell her that I’m quitting University to pursue a career in Magic
But and just couldn’t pick up the Penn and Teller.
What do you call the place where bad noodles live?
What do you call noodles who can’t remember anything?
I’d like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.
I hope my internet points don’t take a hit too, that would cost me a ...
Everyone knows how Bert the Brown Nose reindeer got his name, but nobody knows how Rudolph did
Rudolph the regular nose reindeer was on sabbatical and took a brief trip through Portland Maine.
While Rudolph and his life partner Gary were there, they spotted a fortune teller on the other side of the street. As the pair crossed the road, a truck carrying industrial red naval paint swerv...
My coworker was noodling on an idea
So I offered her a penne for her thoughts
I started eating more pasta, and suddenly became psychic...
... you could say I had *penne* for their thoughts.
A young boy starts choking on some pennies
The boys dad runs to him and tries to help him cough them out. After unsuccessfully helping, he grabs his phone and calls the local doctor for help.
"Doctor, My son had swallowed some pennies, and he is choking on them, please come quickly before he gets hurt"
"Sorry sir, I'm currently...
Little Johnny Asks His Mum About Magic.
Little Johnny goes to his mum after watching Penn and Teller and says “mum can you show me some magic?”. His mum replies “ No Johnny, I’m too busy, go ask your father.” Johnny runs out to the garage where his dad is working and asks “Daddy, will you show me some magic?” Dad says “ No ...
My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..
..but I say it was worth every penne.
A tale of colonial Pennsylvania
When William Penn first started settling the area, he of course moved his extended family with him. Two of his aunts found great success in selling many different kinds of pies. And very quickly the sisters realized they could make a lot more money if the raised their prices. Well long story short, ...
What do you call the aspect of pasta that allows it to stab you?
The penne trait
My wife was feeling down...
So i pulled a piece of pasta from my pocket, handed it to her, and asked "penne for your thoughts?" Now I'm divorced and without a home for telling a fusili pasta jokes.
My mom won't let me eat while using her laptop anymore...
Because when she caught me stroganoff I dropped my pennes on the keyboard.
In an Italian restaurant, if you saved any amount of pipe shaped pasta, you could take it home.
Each penne saved was a penne earned.
Over the weekend I was sat next to a person eating a bowlful of those really fat pasta tubes in a tomato sauce. As I watched, one got nearer to the edge of the bowl but I couldn't mention it because the person was deep in conversation. I agonised for a few seconds wondering how I could stop a me...
Where does an Italian keep their loose change?
In their penne jar
I just ate some pasta...
...and it was worth every Penne.
^(My god, that must be the worst joke I've ever written.)
Did you guys hear about the Italian Chef that died recently?
>He pasta way. >>We cannoli do so much. >>>His legacy will become a pizza history. >>>>Here today, gone tomato. >>>>>How sad that he ran out of thyme. >>>>>>Sending olive my prayers to the family. >>>>>&g...
I bet the way a young lady earns a "Girls Gone Wild" shirt is very similar to
the way a young man earns a Penn State sweatshirt.
What does expensive pasta cost?
A pretty penne
So I asked my wife, were you faking it last night?
She said: no I really was asleep.
(I heard this from Gazzo on Penn & Teller: Fool Us)
My sister told me I'd never be able to kill a man with my pasta...
... She soon learned that the penne's mightier than the sword!
With his comedy career basically ruined, Bill Cosby can finally pursue another dream of his...
...coaching at Penn State
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
I'm at the bar the other night and this beautiful woman approached me.
She said "I'll screw your brains out if you buy me a bowl of macaroni."
I said, "Really!? What are you, a pasta-tute?"
And then, that very same girl came up to me the next day and I asked her what she charg...