What does Claude leave when he has no Monet to pay for his coffee?
A bad impression.
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The Hypnotist at a Senior Home
It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all...
Jean-Claude Van Damme is "the muscles from Brussels." Who are his kids?
Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all making a movie about classical composers.
Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."
Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."
Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, Xi Jinping and Jean-Claude Juncker all jump from a plane without a parachute, in what order do they hit the ground?
Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger
So one day, Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Dam, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were sitting together in a bar, kicking back, drinking a few brews, talking about life and talking about the roles they'd played in movies.
As the three men talked, each was surprised to realize that all three of t...
What's Jean Claude van Damme name after failing firefighter test?
Jean Claude Notre Dame
Chuck, Jean Claude and Arnold.
Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".
Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"
This is one of my dad's favorite jokes
There are three elephants in a bathtub.
Clyde says to Claude "Pass the soap."
Claude says "No soap radio."
\*I'm curious if anyone knows the joke
What do you call a Frenchman that's been attacked by a bear?
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Mr. Johnson was sitting on a plane, waiting for it to take off, when one last person boarded the plane and sat down next to him. Mr. Johnson realized, much to his surprise and delight, that it was social media fitness star Michelle Lewin.
"This is amazing!" he said. "How lucky is it that I sit right next to one of the hottest women on social media?"
"I'm on my way to a fitness conference," said Michelle. "I'm going to tell my fellow women some of my best-kept secrets on getting and staying fit like me."
"Wow!" said Mr. ...
What do you call a man with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
3 Women sitting in a café.
Three women, a german, a french and a turkish one are sitting in a café, talking about how they educate their men. So the german one starts: "I say to my Hans, Hans Im no longer doing the dishes. The first day I dont see anything, the second day neither. On the third day, look, he is doing the dishe...
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that...
Read this great book called 'Revenge of the Tiger' recently.
Written by Claude Balls.
A man walks into a record store...
A man walks into a record store, looking confused. The owner approaches him: "Hey, you seem a little lost. Can I show you where anything is?" "Uh yes, actually.", the man replies, "I'm looking for some classical music, as I've never listened to it before." "Oh, well we have a vast var...