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Footballer Jokes

What do you call a Russian footballer who keeps fouling?

Sendimov

Footballer to referee: Would you send me off if I said you were a useless cheat?

Referee: Yes.

Footballer: But you couldn't send me off for thinking it?

Referee: No.

Footballer: Right then, I think you're a useless cheat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is a Manchester United footballer like a man with a numb dick?

They both just can't finish.

I know a footballer who lost 75% of his spine.

He's a quarterback.

Why was the Jamaican footballer sad?

He was kicked off his team's rasta

Just saw a French footballer playing Nintendo

Think it was Thierry on Wii

What do you call it when a Bayern footballer steals from a French bank?

A Franc Robbery

What do you call a footballer with only 6 vertebrae?

Quarterback.

Why did the boy fail to become a footballer ?

He didn't have any goal in his life

Two great football fanatics, Andy and Stevie, were discussing the chances of football being played in Heaven.

They couldn't see how any self-respecting Heaven would not have football - but yet, they weren't quite sure. Finally they agreed that the one who died first would come back and tell the other if they played football in Heaven or not.

Not long afterwards, Andy was run over by a bus and killed...

Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport.

Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.

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