Competitive Jokes - 33 Hilarious Competitive Jokes

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.

But I laugh more.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My husband and son getting competitive while playing games.

Husband said" I fucked your mom"

to which the son replied" I have been deeper inside her than you'll ever be"

What did a competitive beef farmer say to his competition?

I'm raising the steaks.

My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are

But I laugh harder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is competitive sex like?

Fuck a round and find out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm so competitive, Ive never lost anything

Including my virginity.....

ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?

BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.

Why was the audition for The Little Mermaid so competitive?

Because every actress there was striving for Ariel Supremacy.

Me to HR: Your careers page says the company offers "competitive salary". What does that mean exactly?

HR: That means your salary will be competing with your bills.

Why are eggs, euphoric and non-competitive?

Because they just got laid, and they’re easy to beat.

Why did the competitive deep-sea diver lose the big competition?

He couldn't handle the pressure.

My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last

He said, "Staring contest... GO."

I applied to join a competitive onion chopping team

But I didn't make the cut

My friend and I were finally able to laugh off how competitive we are with each other.

But I laughed harder.

My wife is just the tiniest bit competitive. Yesterday I was limping a little,

and today she's convinced she has *eleven*donitis.

What is the most competitive criminal chicken piece?

The contender

Son : dad, what is competitive horse riding?

Dad : is that equestrian?

Competitive

A guy walks up to me and asks if I do recreational drugs. I told him "no I only do competitive ones".

My grandpa was very competitive...

My grandpa was so competitive with me and would always try to win any game we played. Baseball. Soccer. Even who could eat the most corn dogs.

But I’ll never forget his last words to me as he was about to pass away, he look at me wide eyes and with his last breath he said…

…”staring c...

Owning the ultra-competitive rival

So there’s this guy who likes to play sports but he’s fairly casual about it. That he sometimes loses isn’t a big deal until his old rival and school bully shows up in his life again.

At first, the bully acts as if he has changed his ways and now just wants to hang out with his former vict...

Competitive kite flying was a lot of fun but I eventually had to quit.

Too many strings attached.

Why are the Taiwanese so competitive, high-achieving, and motivated?

They have Taipei personalities

My longtime girlfriend broke things off because she said I was “too competitive…”

I don’t know what that means but I know who won the “I love you more” game.

The crematorium industry is super competitive

You gotta urn your keep

My wife and I were just laughing about how insanely competitive we are!

(I laughed more than she did, though.)

Did you hear about the competitive BDSM league's struggles with scoring separation?

Things have been all tied up for awhile.

COMPETITIVE SPIRIT

Judge: What made you go to the prison?

Criminal: Competition, Sir!

Judge: Competition?

Criminal: Yes, Sir, I made the same coins as the government did.

What do prize winning competitive mushroom pickers eat in the morning?

Breakfast of Champignons

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sperm Clinic nurse asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup.

I said I wasn’t ready for competitive wanking.

I'm not a competitive person

I'll be the first to admit it.

My friend just became the World Champion in competitive origami.

He’s great at folding under pressure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never thought I'd be in the competitive world of long-distance ejaculation

And now look how far I've come.

Sometimes my wife laughs at how competitive I am

But I just laugh back. More. And louder.

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