This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sperm Clinic nurse asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup.

I said I wasn’t ready for competitive wanking.

Where do people injured playing competitive peek-a-boo go when they're hurt?

The ICU

My wife and I laugh about how petty and competitive we are.

But I laugh much more.

My wife has been watching a lot of those competitive cooking shows and it is really inspiring her…

She now critiques everything I cook for her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My husband and son getting competitive while playing games.

Husband said “I fucked your mom”

To which the son replied “I have been deeper inside her than you’ll ever be”

Don't let casual racism be a part of your life

Go competitive

Competitive

A guy walks up to me and asks if I do recreational drugs. I told him "no I only do competitive ones".

The crematorium industry is super competitive

You gotta urn your keep

What did the competitive chess player call their Czech friend?

Czech mate!

A priest and a nun are having a tennis match...

The priest is very competitive, but can’t seem to bring his A-game to the nun who is clearly better. After a volley from the nun, the priest misses and yells: “Goddamn it! I missed!”, startling the nun. She let it slip by and the match continues.

But alas, after a fierce back-hand from the nu...

Competitive lumberjacking will never be a sport as it isn't a matter of skill

It just comes down to whoever has logged the most hours

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never thought I'd be in the competitive world of long-distance ejaculation

And now look how far I've come.

Why do Narcissists quit competitive High Jumping just when they get good at it?

They can never get over themselves.

Being on lockdown together has made my wife and me really conscious of how competitive we are. We've been having a good laugh about it!

(I laugh more than she does, though.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The existence of casual sex infers the existence of competitive sex, and since none of you have competed

You're all fucking casuals

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Americans and The Japanese

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced rowing hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that th...

Sometimes my wife laughs at how competitive I am

But I just laugh back. More. And louder.

My friend just became the World Champion in competitive origami.

He’s great at folding under pressure.

My dad was so Competitive that on his death bed, as he breathed his last

He said, "Staring contest... GO."

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