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Chalkboard Jokes

Little Johnny puts a dot on the blackboard (NSFW)

The teacher in her first grade class asks her students to come to the chalkboard and draw something that causes a lot of excitement and commotion. Little Johnny comes up and simply puts a dot on the chalkboard. The teacher asks "what is that?" Little Johnny replies, "it's a period." The teacher says...

Nails on a chalkboard. Which One You Say?

I dunno, both would make a horrible sound.

Back in my day we used to only have chalkboards. The new whiteboards they use are

Remarkable

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A Physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings

The Physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.
The engineer pulls out a calculater, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times tha...

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Little Johnny is in grade two class when the teacher says, "Okay boys and girls, today we are going to learn a new word."

She writes the word on the chalkboard and asks, "Who knows how to say our new word?"
Little Johnny, who is sitting in the back, puts his hand up and yells, "Oh, I know, I know, pick me, pick me!"
The teacher knows Little Johnny is a troublemaker, and he will probably say something silly, s...

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A teacher draws a cucumber on a chalkboard in a biology class, and asks the students what it is.

One student raises his hand and says.

“That’s a dick ma’am”

The teacher is horrified and runs to the principals office.

A few minutes later, the principal walks in.

“Alright! Who made the teacher cry? And who the hell drew a dick on the board?!”

A young baker buys a shop

He is very excited as this is his first venture since qualifying. He sells ok on everyday items like bread, but runs into trouble with his 'special items'. One day he makes beautiful cakes, however his customers only want pastries that day. So the next day he makes pastries, but now they want muffin...

When I was in school every classroom had a chalkboard. Now every classroom has a whiteboard.

They are remarkable.

I need puns about tea! (Herbal and medicinal tea) for the chalkboard outside my sisters shop. Please help?

Something better than R2Tea2

One the first day of class, the professor writes their name on the chalkboard and says "Welcome to Anthropology 101. Every student here is guaranteed to pass because of how little I care about teaching..."

"Seriously folks, I don't give an F."

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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" he replied. "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for two days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realising she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the v...

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Deep-Sea Diver

deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the ...

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Little Johnny.

A teacher walks into her classroom to greet her first grade students.

"Good morning, class." the teacher said, smiling and observing her students.Before going to the chalkboard to begin the day, she notices little Johnny in the back of the classroom, wriggling around and desperately trying to...

A group of first graders come in from recess

Once they all sat down the teacher grabbed a piece a chalk and walked to the chalkboard. "Jimmy, what did you do for recess?" Jimmy replied, "I played in the sandbox." "Very good, the teacher said, If you can come to the board and spell sand I will give you a cookie". Jimmy approaches the board and ...

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Oh, Little Johnny

Little Johnny's teacher began the school year by announcing a new contest. Every Friday, 30 minutes before the final bell, she would ask the class a question. The first student to answer it right could leave early, and the rest of the class would take a quiz.

The first Friday, the teacher a...

What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?

A chalkboard.

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A mathematician, an Astronomer, and a idiot go to heaven

They reach heavens doors to see God talking to the Devil. God turns to the three and says, “So Heaven is a little backed up right now and we can’t take everyone, so I struck a deal with the devil by asking him a question he can’t solve”

The Mathematician goes first says, “I need a chalkboard”...

I miss my students a lot...

The chalkboard eraser always ends up hitting the wall!

I miss my students a lot...

Over time, they've gotten really good at dodging the chalkboard erasers I throw at them.

A life-saving topic

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a student interrupted him.

“Why do we have to learn this stuff?”, the frustrated student blurted out.

The professor ignored him and continued the lecture.

"I mean, why is this even re...

Me: "Yea, I know man. I can't believe it's risen 1500%

Me: "Yea, I know man. I can't believe it's risen 1500%

My professor stops writing on the chalkboard and turns around. "Nothing that raises 1500% that quickly is a good investment. I'm so tired of hearing about Bitcoin this Bitcoin that"

Me: We were talking about the cost of Colle...

A king is looking for a new chief advisor.

His choices are a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer.
His test is simple: Whoever can determine the volume of a red rubber ball will be the new chief advisor, provided his explanation makes sense to the king, and that the king can trust the calculation.

The physicist goes firs...

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A English man goes for dinner in a Spanish city

As he's sitting browsing the menu, he notices a man across from him recieves his meal, a large seared juicy looking ball of meat. The man asks the Maître d "What is that man eating" the waiter replies "That is the victory special, a rosted and broilled bull testicle from the weekly bull fight, unfor...

A diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level when he noticed a guy at the same depth, but with no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 feet, and the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, and minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep with...

After summer vacation classic

All the children inn school were asked to write on the chalkboard something significant that happened over the summer.
Anne gets up and writes the word puppies on the board, and says our dog had puppies this summer. Very nice says the teacher. George gets up and writes promotion on the board, ac...

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The Duck in the Bottle

A man is on a quest for true enlightenment. His travels led him to sit with the Dalai Lama.

Man: Sir, do you have the answer for enlightenment?

The religious figure walks away but comes back with a bottle and a duck.

He hands both to the man and tells him,

"The day yo...

At a small country school in Ireland...

A grammar teacher writes the weeks new vocabulary words on the chalkboard. The first word she writes is "contagious" she then turns to the class and ask if anybody has heard of this word before. From the front row Timmy O'Toole sticks up his hand and says "Ay miss I've heard that word before! Me f...

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Was told this joke a couple of years ago and I still find it funny. (Kind of really Long)

So there's three guys in a car. One is a scientist, one a mathematician, and one a truck driver. Suddenly, one of the tires gets stuck in a pothole, the car flips over and they all die. They ascend to heaven and the guy at the gate tells them "There's only room for one of you here. You will all h...

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Three guys die and go to Heaven...

When they go to approach the pearly gates suddenly Satan pops out and tells them, "Sorry Heaven is full! If you want to get in you gotta give me a question I can't answer correctly and I will let you in!"
The first guy steps forward. "I was a philosopher in my life and I can garuntee you don't k...

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A man walks into a brothel

A poor man walks into a brothel, and tell the pimp in charge he only has $5 to spend. The pimp, thinks for a moment, and then sends him to the last door at the end of the corridor, to a woman named Anna.
Anna looks fine enough, so the man is a little confused as he was expecting far worse. In no ...

Little Johnny Back Again...

This time, little Johnny's mother had been noticing that his math grades had been steadily declining. She decided to have a chat with Johnny about his disinterest in math, being more responsible with his studies, and the importance of bringing his grade up.

The next quarter ended- Johnny's re...

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Terrorist lessons

there is a school in afghanistan where people get teached how to be a terrorist;

the first day the teacher pick up some liquids and write a formula on the chalkboard "one part the yellow liquid, 2 parts the green liquid and 25g of this black powder"
everyone take notes and see the teacher ...

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Goldfish, man, you made me so happy, I'll do anything for you...

This is long, so bear with me.
So I was fishing at this pond close to home, see. And all day I was fishing, with nothing biting. Just as the sun was setting, something was finally tugging and wouldn't you know, the most brightly coloured gold FISH(!) was at the end of my fishing string. And w...

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