I took an Economics class last semester and it finally clicked why my Priest is so against abortion.

Supply and Demand

With a heavy load this semester, a student is under great pressure to maintain a 4.0 GPa

That's 400000000 Pa, and that's a lot of pressure.

I'm stoked to have my final college test of the semester tomorrow!

Wish me merry Xams!

Parents: Got any A’s this semester

Me: Go Fish

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A kid comes back from his first semester of college...

Son: “Dad I think my roommate might be gay.”

Dad: “What makes you say that?”

Son: “Well, because every time I suck his dick it tastes like shit.”

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion...

*Early semester* Teacher: We'll go through this topic in detail in later classes

*Later into semester* Teacher: I remember going through this topic in earlier classes so I'm going to skip it.
Students: wtf?

My sister is taking pre-calculus this semester.

One of her homework problems was assigned to page 45 in the textbook, but she couldn't find the problem. I suggested, "Maybe you have the Chinese edition of the book." She goes, "The Chinese edition?"

Y'know, the Wong one.

I took a semester of female anatomy classes in Spain...

I studied abroad

I would have gotten As in all my classes last semester if it weren't for Genetics

Why do I have to have such idiots for parents

Signing up for Marine biology this semester was disappointing.

I never learned what’s going on in Le Pen’s head.

I learned a lot of Mandarin in just one semester!

Though I could have sworn the syllabus said "Calculus 2".

So I'm thinking about taking PSY 312 (reverse psychology) next semester...

My advisors said I shouldn't, but I think I'm going to now

A college student is taking an end of the semester test for his bird study class

He realizes that if he studies the whole night, he can ace the final and get a good grade. So he pulls an all-nighter and feels good about the material. The next day, he arrives to his class, and the test begins. The thing he neglected to study was identifying certain birds by their footprint. This ...

I'll be getting a 4.0 this semester...

When a girl rates me out of 10

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A college student does a semester abroad, and lands in the Shetland Islands...[this one benefits from a fine Scots brogue!]

He's doing some research into a certain strain of peat that grows up there in the harsh, cold Shetland climate, and he takes a plane to a boat to a small plane to a ferry, and arrives around midnight.

And nobody is there. Nobody at the ferry pier, nobody in the streets. He finds the address o...

A high school student struggles to pass his tests but decides, one day, to pull himself together.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:



"long time no C".

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A teacher and his students are in the Anatomy class.

It's the first class of the semester, and everyone is eager to learn.

The professor starts "The first thing one has to do to become a good doctor is to be a good observant. The second one is to never, ever feel disgusted by anything."

After this observation, the teacher leads the stud...

I studied abroad the first semester of my junior year

Then she closed her blinds

Ole Blue

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college.

Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in University that will teach our...

Why did the grizzly get an A+ in his hibernation class?

He slept through the entire semester.

A young boy is struggling in math class, and is close to failing.

His parents have tried everything in the book to support him, but his grades just wont improve. After countless tutors, online courses, and learning support his parents decide that there is only one thing left to do. They enroll him in a strict catholic boarding school, known for its strict and effe...

A Student in Israel

David, an American student went to Israel for a semester to study abroad at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. As part of his program he was placed with a host family for housing. An elderly gentleman named Joshua Levin welcomed him into the large home with many rooms.

As Joshua gave a tour ...

What's the difference between mayonnaise and aioli?

Aioli did a semester abroad

Group work can be tough...

I'm taking European history for a 'social studies' credit. Closer to the end of the semester we had a group project and my group ended up with the united kingdom as our topic. Almost immediately we ran into problems though because everyone was against group work and organizing this was growing ever ...

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College Anatomy class

A professor at a university was starting a lecture for his new students.

He says "Welcome to college anatomy 101 where we'll be discussing everything about the human body. Some things that we'll discuss may make you feel a little awkward, but don't worry about that."

To test the leve...

Philosophy Exam

It’s nearing the end of the semester at a prestigious university of philosophy. The 100+ students wait eagerly for the professor to enter the auditorium & begin their final exam. They all have their notebooks out, as the final is open book. The professor enters and, without saying a word, puts h...

Cure

A college professor at a small liberal arts college in Ohio removed a tennis ball from his jacket pocket as he walked into the lecture hall each morning. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would pick up the tennis ball, place it in his jacket pocket...

How many Alabama football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team, and they all get a semester's credit for it.

James Earl Jones joins the U.S. Naval Academy.

Once there, he takes a Calculus II class notorious for its difficulty. Unlike his classmates, he isn't worried, but that all changes when he gets his first exam grade back.

"37%?! How did I do that badly?!" he asks his teacher, Admiral Smith.

"I suggest you study harder, cadet." he re...

You can now major in Marijuana at some universities

Guess grades are going to be a little higher this semester!

A Priest Teaching Anatomy at an All Boy's School

The priest is handing out graded homework papers. He says, "I don't understand why you boys can't understand the male anatomy. I've been pounding it into you all semester."

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A collection of lightbulb jokes

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just Juan

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Two. One to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-Just two but who knows how the...

A guy named John was sitting in the back of his French class...

As usual for John, he wasn't doing his work and was drifting off to sleep. His teacher saw this every day, but generally ignored him.

So, as the semester goes by, John does the same thing every day. Then, on one of the last days of the semester, Mrs.Meyers, the French teacher, says to him:...

The Bard [Long]

Suzie was the teacher's pet - A's in every class. One day a stranger stood in front of the lecture hall for her writing course.
'Sorry students, your professor has been in a terrible accident and I will be leading this course for the remainder of the year.'
No problem - Suzie looked forward to...

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Son was causing problems...

He didn't study, was rude to everyone, never listened to anyone. Dad tried various things to get him in line but nothing helped.

One night when dad was meeting with his friends, he asked them for advice. He heard again the things he already tried. Then one of the guys sugested that he should...

Hey dad can you pass the salt?

I don't know son, can you pass the semester?

A Frog Calls a Psychic

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussion with a psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about ...

So a college teacher is talking to his male students...

"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."

Suddenly, a studen...

On a college road trip...

In college I joined a student group called Students Against Undergraduates Drinking Irresponsibly (SAUDI for short). As you can probably tell it was committed to reducing the number and severity of alcohol related incidents on campus. After a successful semester some friends from SAUDI and I took a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Collage Finals

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester.

These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the Univers...

A Jewish couple are having trouble teaching their son math.

They try several schools and tutors, and his math scores remain abysmal. Eventually, there's only one school left in town. It's a Catholic school, and the Jewish parents are uneasy about sending their son. But, after looking at the school's amazing academic records, they decide it would be selfish t...

Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student

but he slacked off one semester.

When he got his report card, he shouted "Bs! Not the Bs!"

An attractive student goes up to her young professor...

and she says to him "I want an A for this semester!"

He says "No."

She then says "Please... I will do *anything* to get an A..."

The professor's expression softens. "Anything...?"

The student nods.

The professor says "So would you like to... study?"

Johnny Hated Math....

...his grades were terrible and he had stopped trying. Johnny's attitude in school was obnoxious, and his parents didn't know what to do.

Finally, they decided to enroll Johnny in the local Catholic school, even though they're not religious people and have never stepped foot in a church.
...

It’s the first day for a fraternity...

It’s the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, “And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women’s dorms past eight o'clock at night, it’s fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollar...

A science teacher asks her student to stay after class because he repeatedly doesn't hand in his homework...

"Billy," the teacher says, "If you don't hand in your homework one more time you will fail the semester."

"But I have a reason for why I haven't," responded Billy.

"And what is that?" Asks the teacher.

"Well, we have been studying multiverse theory, so that means that there are ...

A gynecologist quits her job to become a mechanic...

It was something she had always wanted to do, but her parents had pushed her into medicine instead. She had prospered as a gynecologist, but never felt completely fulfilled. Finally, she decided it was time to live for herself. Being a well-educated high-achiever, she figured the best place to st...

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A little haiku about finals.

I am really fucked.

Where did the semester go?

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Warning: Dad humor following.

John was so proud of his son for being the first one from their town to ever go to college. At the mill John would brag, "My boy is the smartest this town has ever seen!"

The boy returned after his first semester from college. The town gathered amazed at the boy prodigy. "Go on, son, tell 'e...

The Jewish Kid at the Catholic School

A Jewish family just moved into a new town because of the fathers work and are looking for a good school for their son to attend. Since the public schools are notoriously terrible, they look to the private schools. After asking around, they learn that St. John's Academy is by far their best option. ...

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An old dog goes to college...

A young man is headed to college and he decides to take his old dog "Blue" with him.

The boy leaves his family and has a great first week on campus but quickly realizes he's run out of money.

He calls his dad and says, "Dad, there's this lady on campus that can teach dogs to talk. She...

College money...

There was a kid that went to college, and his Dad sent him enough money for the whole year, well the kid blew through that in the first half of the first semester.

He didn't want to just ask his Dad for more money because he knew he probably wouldn't give it to him.

So he calls his...

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