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Pupils Jokes

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Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

When you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils.

They dilate.

What do you call a teacher without pupils?

Blind

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"This term," said the English teacher, "we will be studying 'The Canterbury Tales' "

"But," she added, "to anticipate a question I get every year -- this will not include *The Nun's Priest's Tale*"

"Why not?" asked one of the pupils. The teacher's features shaped themselves into an expression of sour disapproval.

"Because," she answered, "*The Nun's Priest's Tale* is l...

Drugs? My pupils are tiny...

... said the teacher

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The teacher of little Johnny's class asks the pupils if they can use the word 'beautiful' in a sentence...

A little boy sticks his hand up.
"Yes, Daniel"
"I saw a butterfly on my way to school this morning, and it was beautiful", says Daniel.
"Very good, Daniel", smiles the teacher, "Anybody else?".
Veronica's hand goes up. "I told my mummy last night that she looked beautiful in her new dr...

When the human body dies, what's the last part to die?

The pupils. They dilate.

why do pupils have such a long life span?

because they dilate

Teacher ask her pupils what they want to be when they grow up

Children give usual answers: Bill wants to be a pilot, Sue wants to be an actress. But when it comes to little Dave, his answer is a shock to everyone. Dave wants to be a homeless alcoholic with no penny in his pocket.



20 years go by and Dave is now rich, Really Rich.

He stands...

Who has the largest pupils?

A sumo instructor.

The teacher to his pupils in a suicide bomber lesson

"Please, pay attention cause I'll only say this once"

I just got back from an eye examination where they dilated my pupils

It was truly an eye opening experience

Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job?

Because she couldn't control her pupils.

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With school year nearing to the end elementary teacher asks her pupils

"I want you to bring a pebble for every *bad word* you say during holiday."

Time flies by fast and at the start of the new school year teacher takes kids out to the yard and asks:

"So, how many pebbles did you have to bring?"

Various kids replies with numbers like 5, 3, 12, etc....

A teacher arrives to work drunk.

"Alright class, today we're going to... I don't bloody know. Learn the alphabet"

"Are you okay sir?" enquires one of the pupils.

"It starts A, B, C, D you idiot!"

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A WW2 pilot visited a girls school.

He was talking to the pupils about his time in the battle, and he said, “I was flying in formation when three fuckers came up behind me”.

The teacher quickly interjects, “young ladies, you must understand the ‘Fokker’ is a type of German aeroplane”.

The pilot replies, “yes, but these...

Gifts for the Teacher

It was the end of the school year, and a teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florists son handed her a wrapped gift. She gently shook it, held it overhead and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "Thats right!", the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess" ...

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease.

I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

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The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."

Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."

Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was...

”You’re the light of my life!”

”Yeah, well then why do your pupils dilate every time you see me?”

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

When I was at school...

When I was at school, the other pupils voted me: "Pupil most likely to end up in a mental institution."
They got that wrong!
Turns out I'm actually:
"Only pupil who didn't die in a mysterious unexplained accident."

My son’s kindergarten teacher was arrested for heroin possession…

In hindsight, the small pupils were a dead giveaway…

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I was at the opticians the other day.....

“I got cum in one of my pupils recently, should I be worried?” I asked.
“I think you’ll be fine.” He replied.

“That’s a relief. Her parents were banging on about telling the Headmaster and the Police.”

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

Why can’t people with a lazy eye be teachers?

They can’t control their pupils!

Hear about the teacher with two lazy eyes?

Didn't last more then a day, couldn't control his pupils.

Yea, too tired! :)

A teacher once asked his pupils this question in a general knowledge test:
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
Remi answered: "Because it was two tyred".

If your students are too tall, just go into a brighter room.

Your pupils will get smaller.

Students of kindergarten teachers are getting fatter and fatter

Their pupils are dilating.

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I was teaching my science class about the female anatomy:

"This is the vagina. This is the clitoris, and this is the anus. Any questions?"

"Yes," said one of the pupils, "Can I put my knickers back on now?"

I wish I could see what mischief my students are getting up to at the far end of the school yard.

Alas, I've never had good pupils.

Why are all the parents going cross-eyed during the quarantine?

They can't control their pupils.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my mate was welding the other day

While grinding off his work to admire his craftsmanship, a piece of metal flew into his eye.

Score 1 for wearing safety glasses.

Anyway, he complained he couldn't see, so we packed him off down to the hospital.

After an X-ray and scan the doctor comes in and says "You have Creep...

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