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Campus Jokes

Heard about the Robert E Lee statue at Duke University campus?

[removed]

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The fi...

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A vegan is at the entrance of a university campus trying to get others to become vegan

He sees an angry and disappointed kid walking out of the campus, and takes the opportunity to ask if they want to become vegan.

“You know who else was vegan?” the angry kid responds. “Adolf Hitler. And I just got kicked out of art school right now, so I’m not taking any risks.”

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A dude is lost on an ivy league campus...

He stops someone and asks, "Excuse me. Where's the library at?"

They respond, "My good fellow. This is an ivy league university. Here we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

The dude looks shocked and embarrassed. "I am so sorry. I seem to have forgotten myself. I meant to ask...

A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike. His buddy said “sweet bike, where’d ya get it?”

“You’ll never believe this,” he said, “I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_”

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said “smart. Her clothes would have never fit yo...

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A man goes to a college campus. . .

A man goes to a college campus for a tour because he thinks he wants to go the following year. As he's taking his tour, he sees a large crowd surrounding a fraternity house.

He moves through the crowd and is shocked when he sees dozens of people on the lawn on the house, giving each other blo...

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

What do you call the big man on campus at BYU?

The Super Soaker

After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while naked...

As they run, the first guy covers his genitals and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"

The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my genitals"

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A gentleman is wandering around the campus of a school looking for the library...

He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?”

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I'm sorry, sir. But at this school we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!”

The ...

Two engineering nerds were walking across their college campus.

One of them had a bike:

Nerd 1: Where did you get that bike, man; it looks pretty well made.

Nerd 2: Yesterday I saw a beautiful woman riding this bike in the park, and I winked at her. She came over, threw the bike down, took off her clothes, and said to me 'take what you want'.
...

An engineer is walking across campus

And he is stopped by a classmate who says I have to tell you the craziest story.

I was walking through the park and this beautiful blonde was riding by on a bike, she saw me, stopped, got off the bike, took off all her clothes and stood there with her arms wide and said to me, take what you w...

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Hobo is looking for food in waste containers near MIT campus...

...and suddenly sees a nude drunk young woman sleeping in one of the containers. He wakes her up and asks her:

"What is the second law of thermodynamics?"

Before falling back asleep girl looks at him with dull gaze and answers:

"T... total entropy of an isolated system can never...

A biologist, a sociologist, and a mathematician are all sitting at a bench on a college campus...

They watch as two people enter a building...and then three people leave.

"They're reproduced!" declares the biologist.

"They've accepted a third person into their social circle!" asserts the sociologist.

"If one more person goes into that building," muses the mathematician, "it'...

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A man walks onto the campus of Yale university

He walks up to a student and asks "where's the bathroom at?"
The student responds haughtily, "here at Yale, we're taught not to end a sentence with a preposition.
The man realizing his mistake corrects himself, "where's the bathroom at, asshole?"

A new social media site is sweeping over college campuses.

Mysafespace.

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A country boy gets accepted into Harvard.

He can’t find the library, so he finds another student on campus.

“Excuse me, do you know where the library is at?”

The student looks at the country boy disapprovingly and says,

“My good sir, here at Harvard we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.”

The country boy r...

On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.

"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male s...

What do you call a blonde on a college campus?

A visitor

My local college has a scheme that lets student earn their tuition by working in the on campus bakery.

The opportunity isn't open to everyone. It's run on a strictly knead to know basis.

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A young man is touring Harvard campus and decides to ask for directions on how to get to the library.

He finds a girl reading a book under a tree and says "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library's at?" She cringes and says "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The young man look confused for a second and replies, "I'm sorry - can you tell me where the library's at... bitch?"

My university mixed up it’s Zoology and Neurology pamphlets

They tried to hire Pavlov’s dog but built a Hippo-campus

One day TV is broadcasting about a gun shot in campus and the experts analyze that it is linked to the murder's massive time in playing violence video game.

Mum: No sense, my son is always playing dating sims and he still unable to find a girlfriend.

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A good old boy from Mississippi gets accepted to Yale. On the first day on campus, he stops a student and asks "Where is the library at?"

The students seems non-plussed, and says with condescension, "At Yale, sir, we don't end questions with a preposition."

Unfazed, the good old boy says, "Ok, so where's the library at, ASSHOLE?"

A woman visits her daughter who went to college.

\- Listen, - the mother says after looking around - I know I raised you well, but... I see this campus has quite the loose morals. How, with everything around, do you manage to keep your chastity?

\- Oh, it's very simple, Mom, - the daughter reassures her. - Whenever some guy gets too pushy, ...

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A guy from out of state was roaming around the Harvard campus, a bit lost, when he came upon a distinguished looking gentleman reading on a park bench, possibly a professor. The guy asked him politely - "Hey, where's the library at?". The man looked up with a frown, and responded "This is Harvard,

good sir, we don't end our sentences with a preposition".

To which the guy replied - "My apologies. Where the library at, asshole?"

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

I had a dream that I attended a college for hippos...

... I love the hippo campus.

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the ...

Two guys walk into a bar...

The third guy ducks.


(I know this joke is mediocre at best, but I found it on a post-it note stuck a trash can on my college campus a few days ago and felt obligated to share it.)

I did a social experiment on campus

I was having a bad day one week so I decided to try something at my college. I stood in the middle of campus and held up a sign that read "hug me" in hopes that maybe somebody would come around and cheer me up. I waited for 10-20 minutes and then people started walking up. I got so many hugs and it...

4 college guys go on a weekend road trip.

They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday.

Ce...

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Three freshmen meet for the first time in a college dorm....

and introduce themselves, mostly trying to impress one another.

The first one says, "My family has been in America for more than 200 years. My father is C.E.O of the biggest bank in New York and he gave me a BMW to drive around the campus."

The second one says, "That's nice."

T...

Where did the hippopotamus go to learn?

The Hippo Campus.

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A rural farmer visits his cousin, a librarian at Harvard.

The campus being as big as it is, he finds a random student and asks, "Excuse me ma'am, where's the library at?"

The student is visibly offended and says, "Sir, this is Harvard, we don't end sentences with prepositions!"

The farmer thinks for a bit and replies, "Oh, right. Where's th...

2 college friends skip studying for Chemistry final to party

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the ...

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At a local college dance, a guy from America asks a girl from Sweden to dance....

While they are dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America,

we call this a hug.”

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call

this a kiss.”

She replies, “Yaah...

My English teacher told this one to my whole class

So a guide in an university does a quick tour of the campus with new male students. She shows the science department, the arts and sports departments, and then she stops at the women’s dormitory.

“You guys are NOT allowed to go there, the first time we catch you in the women’s dormitory, the ...

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The robot that knew everything

Scientist were finally able to invent a robot which could answer any question.

His friends told him about this robot and so he decided to test it because he believed that such a robot could not possibly be created.

So he went to the the robot , press the button. The robot turned activ...

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A mechanic drops his daughter off at Harvard for her first day of college.

As he tries to find his way off campus, he realizes he needs to use the restroom, so he asks a student, “Excuse me, but do you know where the nearest restroom is at?”

The student replies, “Sir, at Harvard we never end a sentence with a preposition.”

The mechanic replies, “Oh, my mistak...

Made this joke up: Why is the zoo so smart?

Because it's the hippo campus!

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Survey About Sex and Happiness

Years ago, I did a simple survey. Basically, I was trying to determine how the frequency of sexual intercourse correlates to happiness. I went to my college campus and started observing people. I saw a woman who looked somewhat unhappy, so I asked "how often do you have sex?" and she said "once a...

Where does a hippopotamus live if he wants to study brain surgery in college?

A hippo-campus

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Stanford University releases nearly 200 cases of sex abuse

A limited edition craft beer made on campus

I came to University thinking I'd get some of dat hot booty

But the only time I got some was when my fingers went through that cheap campus toilet paper.

I take the bus to school

So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.

This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud crash. I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.

I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. F...

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The rash.

It's the beginning of a new school year on a college campus. This doctor is getting rather busy with physicals and check ups on the campus.

A girl comes in for a check up and while she's shirtless the doctor sees a strange rash in the shape of a 'Y' on her chest.

The doctor asks her ...

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A Scottish Rugby Player Visits Harvard

A Scottish rugby player at the end of his high school career is ecstatic to find out he is being considered for a scholarship to Harvard. All he has to do is show up to visit the coach and he's sure to be a shoe-in.
-
After a long flight, he finds himself on Harvard's campus, but without a cam...

Going up in a lift

on campus l read on one wall ,'Look on the opposite wall for lift-tennis!' Curiosity compelled me to do that, and l read,'Look on the opposite wall for lift-tennis! '

Professor Trolling

We had a professor who had come for a study tour to our university, all the way form UK.
The guy went around the campus but could barely see a soul. He then went off to the library and to his disbelief he saw that the library was completely packed. People were literally sitting anywhere just to s...

Med School

This happened while I was in my first year of medical school. I was taking an exam in anatomy. It was really tough. They asked questions like, "How many bones are there in the hand?" I was stymied. I kept saying to myself, "How many bones are there in the hand?" And then I heard this little voice th...

Helping an Elephant

An American exchange student goes to Africa. While there, he spends a lot of time hiking around in the jungle. One day, he hears a commotion. He goes towards the sounds. Peering through some bushes, he spots an elephant.

The elephant seems to be in some distress. The student steps through...

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Politics now a days....

On my college campus people write "feel the bern" everywhere so i decided to give Hilary some love and wrote "feel the clit" everywhere! I don't see the problem

Typical

An engineer is having is lunch. It is a beautiful day so he takes his brown bag lunch outside to the fountain beside the office.

He sits on the edge and is about to tuck into his sandwich when a frog hops out of the fountain and says to him "Hello! Thank goodness you're here. I am a beauti...

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

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College professor is experiencing a “slow-down” in his sex-life with his wife...

... so he is trying to figure out how to spice it up. He is hearing that there is a foreign student who has a lot of luck with girls on the campus so he decides to ask him for advice.

“Paolo, how are you doing it?”
“Well professor, right before I am about to do it with a girl, I whip my j...

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A young man is meeting his friend at the Harvard Library...

and is having a little trouble finding it on the massive campus.
He sees a student walking by and decides to ask him for directions.
"Excuse me, but can you tell me where the library is at?"

the student answers in a stuffy tone, "Sir, this is Harvard University, and at Harvard; we don't...

I remembered this joke while studying for exams.

God and st peter decide to do their rounds around a college campus. While looking around the dorms, they see a group of students earnestly studying for their final exams the next day. God looks at St Peter and tells him to fail each one of them. St. Peter is a little bewildered, but he dares not dou...

Praying hands

In Tulsa, OK, on the campus of Oral Roberts University (Oral Roberts was one of those famous money hungry televangelists) there is a giant statue of a set of praying hands. It was discovered one day that they had broken apart and separated. They had construction engineers, all kinds of equipment, ex...

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Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class...

Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though t...

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Ornithology

This joke was told to me by an older man that is a retired engineer.

>Back in the 60's when I was in engineering school, I needed an easy filler class. I was already loaded down with calculus, physics, and engineering classes, so when I saw Ornithology, I decided to sign up. It only met 1 ...

There once was hippo child prodigy.

Just by hanging around tourists, he learned to talk, and soon thereafter to read.

Eventually, he started attending a nearby primary school for humans and he turned out to be very very smart indeed, even by human standards. Typing, thanks to his symbiotic oxpecker buddy, made him a prolific au...

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So there was this wasp who lives in a jungle. (long)

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would g...

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Low tech enlightenment

A young tech executive is strolling through his business campus to stretch his limbs and get some air. He sits on a bench to relax, and pulls out his phone. Distracted, he looks up to notice an elderly Buddhist monk has sat down next to him.

He nods greeting and looks back to his phone, scrol...

Two calculus professors get together

for lunch at a diner near campus.

"What really frustrates me about our profession," says the first, "is that the average student, not to mention member of the general public, doesn't know the first thing about mathematics beyond the four basic operations, *if that*."

"Well, now I'm not...

The Tractor Joke - Long!

Jacob grey up on his dad's farm, and ever since he was a little boy he loved tractors!

When he was very young he would play with little toy tractors in the house and attempt to dig up the garden with the little bucket, when he was 5 his parents bought him a miniature sit on tractor and he wou...

A Chinese mother with a terrible stutter

There once was a Chinese woman named Wei, and her family had decided to move to America ever since Wei was 14 years of age. Though this was hard for Wei because her language transition didn't go over so well. She could speak clearly, but she'd always find herself stuttering on the last word.

...

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The Purple Flower

So there's this guy walking to school and on his way there he sees these two girls talking to each other. He drops in on their conversation and hears them talking about a purple flower. He thought to himself "Purple flower?" and stops to think about it. He realizes he's late for school and runs as f...

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