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Cat Food Jokes

I've decided to save money on cat food by getting a bird bath.

Don't @ me. Predators and water go together in nature. Alligators and swamps. Sharks and oceans. Catholic priests and baptism fonts.

I accidentally ate cat food last night.

Don’t ask meow.

How do you save money on cat food?

By buying bird seed instead.

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Cat Food

A man walks into a supermarket to buy some cat food. He goes into the checkout counter with his can of Fancy Feast in hand.


To his surprise the clerk asks him, "Do you own a cat?" He replies "Of course I do." The clerk responds "Well I'm sorry, if I can't see or touch the cat I can't se...

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A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the cashier: "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat food to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat."

So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food.

The next day, she comes in and tries to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof.
So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food...

One day later, she bro...

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An old woman goes into a supermarket to buy cat food.

An old woman goes into a supermarket to buy cat food. Knowing that times are hard, the cashier is sure that the old woman is buying the cat food to eat it herself.

"Before I can let you buy that, I need you to prove to me that you own a cat."

The old woman is upset, and tries to argue...

Daddy, did you ever eat cat food when you were little?

"Yeah, but it didn't taste very good." She smiled and nodded, "I know, it taste like dog food."

*A recent conversation I had with my daughter*

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Whiskas (the cat food company) are missing out on so much money

They can just start producing sex toys and they don't even have to change their slogan

"Your cat is going to love Whiskas"

An old lady goes to buy cat food....

The person working the cash register says "I'm sorry ma'am but there has been reports of elderly people eating this stuff, we'll need to see proof of your cat." The old lady sighs and leaves. The next day she comes back with a box that contains her cat. The clerk sees this and let's her purchase ...

So there was a shopkeeper who didn't liked Chinese

One day a Chinese man came to him and asked:

-I want buy dog food.

-I won't sell you dog food unless you come with dog.

-But I not want to come to shop with a dog.

Later he came with his dog and got his dog food.

The next day he came again and said:

-I wa...

A guy goes into a grocery store to buy some cat food.

The woman at the counter say, “You have a cat?”

He says, “Yeah”

She says, “Where’s the cat?”

He says, “I left him at home.”

She says, “You can’t buy the cat food. Put it back.”

Next day, he walks up to the counter and wants to buy some dog food.

“You have a...

a man walks into a supermarket

He grabs a bag of dog food, and brings it to the checkout. The cashier says: "sorry, according to store policy you need to bring your pet with you if you want to buy food" The man, who doesn't have his dog with him walks away angrily.

The next day he comes back and takes a bag of cat food, o...

Guy is in the store...

...and and starts putting out items in the checkout..

3 bottles of red wine

3 bottles of white wine

2 bottles of champagne

1 bottle of vermouth

4 bottles of vodka

1 bottle of Hennessy

Finally one can of cat food

...when he suddenly hears a man...

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And Indian guy goes to walmart

An Indian goes to Walmart in the U.S.
He finds cat food at special prices.He picks a dozen cans of cat food & goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious. He thinks that this guy might not have a cat & will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Indian to show him his c...

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A guy opens a restaurant in a new city

He comes to meet the small grocery stores and meets the lady :

I need dog food. It's for my dog.

The lady refuses at first, and tells him she wants to see the dog to be sure he won't give the dog food to his customers. The guys leaves, comes back with a dog, and the lady, angrily, give...

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An old woman goes to the grocery store...

And is standing in line to buy dog food. When the cashier finally tends to her, he looks up and asks, "Ma'am, do you attest that this dog food is for an animal?"

The woman was taken aback having never been asked this before, "What?", she asks for clarification.

The cashier continued, "...

One day a woman was lying on her couch watching TV when she heard her boyfriend in the kitchen

She assumed he was in there getting some ice cream and she called in there "Bring me some too!" A few minutes later, the boyfriend comes into the living room and hands her a bowl. She says "thanks" and takes a bite and immediately spits it out in disgust. "What is this? It's disgusting!" she exclaim...

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A guy finishes shopping at the supermarket and goes to the register.

As he checks out, the girl takes notice of the items he is buying: cat food, a TV dinner for one, and a bottle of cheap wine.

The girl asks the man, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"

The man, sensing a possible flirt, asks, "Why yes I am, how could you tell?"

The girl looks him...

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I was behind this lady at checkout in the grocery store the other day

I was watching the items they were ringing up;

1 quart of milk
3 single serving microwave dinners
10 LB bag of cat food

She looked back at me and smiled. So I took the opportunity and said, "Hello! I bet you're single, aren't you?"

She says, " How could you know that? Jus...

There once were two cats - one was named 'one two three' and the other was named 'un deux trois'...

One day, the two cats came across a wide river. On the other side, there seem to be an endless amount of cat food. So, both of the cats wanted to swim across.

One two three cat made it across, but un deux trois quatre cinq.

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Catfood

So this woman has her bridge club every Thursday night, and after a peaceful game or three with the ladies she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she's playing a great game, she has an incredible hand, when she notices the time.

"Oh, no! I ...

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If I had a quarter for every pussy I've touched....

I would have enough money to buy them a new bag of cat food.

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One Friday morning, Akshit Singh lost his dear pet cat.

He frantically searched around the neighborhood, looking for his precious Bala. He tried to search under dumpsters, he asked his neighbors if they'd seen Bala wandering around recently, and he set cat food and water outside in hopes of attracting Bala back to his house.



Much to his d...

The bagger

So my first job in high school was as a bagger at a local grocery store. I worked there for a couple of years and got kind of good at figuring out personal details by watching what they bought.
One day, a lady comes in and shops around quickly. She buys a Digorno, a bottle of wine, little pre-ma...

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A woman is walking around a grocery store...

...completing her shopping list. When she finally collects what she came for, she makes her way to the cashier and unloads her basket onto the conveyer.

The clerk begins to ring up her items;
He grabs her container of mixed salad greens and passes it over the barcode scanner. 'BOOP' sou...

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