My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.

she screamed at me and said "what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

In America, dogs are K9.

In China, dogs are E10

Trees are like dogs

Some shed and some don't. Others just bark

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine....

But catscan

Excuse me sir, are you this dogs dad?

‘No, I adopted him’

This is something I get asked a lot. Thought it was funny enough to be a joke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dogs will be Doggs

Three dogs are at the vet. One asks the others, "So, what are you guys in for?"

The first, a Jack Russell Terrier, says, "I kept humping everything in sight. The neighbor's cat, my master's leg, the couch, you name it. Plus, I peed in the corners and chewed the mail every time it got delivere...

My dogs hair was getting long so I told my friend about it

He told me to go to the groomers

I don’t see how the pope is gonna help

Why aren't dogs good dancers?

They've two left feet

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog is on safari in the jungle with his master...

And he gets separated while chasing butterflies. Pretty soon the dog looks around and realizes he's lost. He wanders into a clearing and on the other side he sees a jaguar.

The jaguar has never seen a dog before and hesitates, wondering "what kind of animal is that?" but the dog thinks "O...

McDonalds was originally going to sell hot dogs...

They just felt like nobody would buy the mcweenie

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dogs name is minton and today he ate my wife's shuttlecock and racquet while she was at work.

Bad Minton..

I was sat at the end of the bed last night, Pulling off my boxers, when the wife said to me....

"You spoil those dogs"

Scientists attached cameras to dogs, to learn more about their life.

Turns out: 10% of time - dog trying to get rid from camera and rest of time - it run away from scientists.

That’s a smart dog

Two farmers are in town talking about how smart their dogs are:
1st farmer yells out: “Dog! Get me the paper”
His dog races off down the street to the local news agency, gets the daily paper drops it in his owners hand and sits down.
“Not bad” says the 2nd farmer.
“Bluey, I’m hungry” he...

Dogs and toilet

I yelled my dog to stop drinking out of the toilet.

Later that day my dog yelled at me for peeing in the water bowl

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dogs are sitting in the lounge room

Dog 1 - heard a good joke yesterday.

Dog 2 - oh yeah?

Dog 1 - knock kn...

Dog 2 *goes fucking nuts*

Quarantine has turned us into dogs.

We roam the house all day looking for food. We are told "no" if we get too close to strangers. And we get really excited about car rides.

Two dogs are laying in their front room

First dog says to the second dog: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Second dog: Yeah, go on then.
First dog: Knock, knock.
Second dog: Woof, woof, woof, woof!

A dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

As she was drifting off to sleep late that night she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs passionately locked together.

Despite her best attempts she was unable to se...

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