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Vomiting Jokes

Vomiting in someone else’s house is pretty impolite, but projectile-vomiting in their house...

...is really beyond the pail.

A four year kid is being rushed to the hospital with coughing,high fever, vomiting and a searing headache.

The doctor meets him and takes him to do examinations. First,he needs to know what's the worst. He asks "Ben,can you tell me what's bothers you the most?"
He replies: "I'd have to say my little sister".

Thomas finally gave up on his dream of being a champion after always vomiting at the National Spelling Bee

He’d always be known as an expeller now.

Its bad enough I'm bulimic, but today, after vomiting up my alphabet soup...

I discovered I'm also dyslexic!

Some people think vomiting is hard...

but I got threw it with flying colors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vomiting is like ...

It's sometimes better to just bend over and let it happen.

When it comes it comes.

You usually feel gross afterwards, but there's still a sense of relief.

When my girlfriend was pregnant it was pretty bad I mean the vomiting,the crying

It was bad for her too

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Party guy

A guy goes out after work with some buds. An hour in and his friend notices all he's drinking is ginger ale.

"What's up with this?"

"Aww, I have to stay straight. Every time I get -faced, I end up vomiting all over myself and my wife knows I've been out drinking with the boys."...

An American walks into an Irish bar.

While on vacation, an American walks into an Irish pub and orders a drink. After a minute he says out loud, "I'll bet anyone in here $1,000 if they can take 10 shots of Jameson in a row, without stopping or vomiting." The bar gets quiet except for one man who gets up and walks out. The American laug...

A 5G cell tower was built in a rural neighborhood

After the cell tower was erected, people living near the tower started reporting worrying symptoms, such as, as dizzy spells, vomiting, and insomnia.

Over the next few months, these symptoms increased in both frequency and intensity--sometimes people would completely lose consciousness and fa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A genie grants a man one wish

"Budget cuts" said the Genie.
The man knew he had to make it count.
He said, "I wish I knew the answer to every question I'm asked."
The genie gave a nod then disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

The man didn't want to immediately melt his mind with the answers to the universe. Startin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You decide to get some new water storage tanks for your house out in the countryside.

The plumber doing the installation, some guy called Terry, arrives hours late, completes the job way over schedule and overcharges you, so you give him the finger and pay him in one-cent coins (which you've saved for occasions like this). Terry says nothing and leaves, but unbeknownst to you, he fir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You go hiking with your best friend Terry. Both of you get lost, and Terry is mauled to death by a bear.

You bury Terry in a shallow grave and try to find your way back to civilization. However you end up walking in circles and days later, you find yourself at the exact same spot.

By this time, you've exhausted your supply of water and are severely dehydrated. Then you realize that Terry was ...

An obese woman goes to the doctor.

She explains to the Doctor that she has been very nauseas and vomiting, even more so in the morning. After many tests and examinations the doctor came to a conclusion, "It looks like you're pregnant." He told her.
The woman was very distraught with his diagnosis. "I'm pregnant?!" She yells.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A customer enters a restaurant.

After sitting down, a waiter gives him the menu. The customer goes through it but doesn’t find anything interesting.

Customer: Waiter, do you know what are the specials for this evening?

Waiter: Ah yes. We have a special dish called “”. It is a combination of fish and duck served w...
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