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Cases Jokes

What do you call a detective who just solves cases accidentally?

Sheer Luck Holmes

Thieves broke into my shop and stole 15 cases of Red Bull

I don't know how these people sleep at night

Why are redneck murder cases the hardest to solve?

Because all the DNA matches and there are no dental records.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A medical school graduate starts her residency in a hospital for unusual cases

On her first day, she’s getting a tour of the facility by her supervisor while she takes notes.

They make their way to a room with a man who is masturbating ferociously. The med school grad asks her supervisor, “What disease does this man have?”

“Oh, it’s a very rare disease in whi...

Have you read about the new corduroy pillow cases?

Apparently, they're making headlines all over!

Why are there no Covid-19 cases in Antarctica?

Because the people there are ice-o-lated

Dementia cases are on the rise

Plus, dementia cases are on the rise.

Corona isn't Trump's fault. Ebola wasn't Obama's. SARS wasn't Bush's...

...and only a handful of cases of herpes was Clinton's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

For Halloween I was going to dress up as the rising Covid cases

But that doesn’t seem to scare anyone

My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.

"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Then why did you buy so much bread?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer gets a new case

A police officer is minding his own business when his partner drops a case on his desk. His partner says,"Leonid, a dance studio is running a drug operation, clear as day, open and shut case".
Leonid has had a long day but is excited because open and shut cases don't happen often around thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

How did Canada get rid of all their COVID cases?

They sent all the Americans home to their own country.

Initially the US was way behind other countries in COVID-19 cases.

Little did those countries know, the US had a Trump card.

Two brain surgeons are discussing cases over lunch.

Surgeon 1: I just don't understand it. I treated a monk with epilepsy by implanting a seizure inhibitor device - the one with a microcomputer that sends out current to negate the seizure. It's working perfectly and his seizures are gone, but he keeps putting acorns and stuff into hollow spaces in tr...

A terrorist had two cases at home...

he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.

The IT department only had 403 COVID19 cases

Case 404 was never found.

What's similar between the squareroot of -1 and the number of confirmed cases in China

They are both not real numbers

Over 100 Coronavirus cases have been reported on the British Navy's flagship HMS Queen Elizabeth.

Other ships in the fleet have been told to keep their distance as it's a carrier.

I read Nunavut still has zero Covid-19 cases.

I guess they're having none of it.

Positive Corona cases are way down in Texas over the last few days...

It requires power to perform the test.

The worst cases of the coronavirus are from coffee lovers

They couldn't stop caffeine

Corona cases in North Korea are represented in binary.

Number of cases is either 1 or 0

Russia just crossed 10,000 cases of COVID-19 today...

I’m pretty sure they’ll be Putin everyone in quarantine soon.

Cases for phone are like condoms...

They protect it but it's just not the same.

If we stop testing right now, we'd have very few cases, if any

-POTUS on covid

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who was on trial for masturbating to obscure court cases?

He got off on a technicality.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Harvard Law graduate starts first day on the job

The president of the firm says, “If you marry my daughter, I’ll make you a partner, give you an unlimited expense account, a new Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary, in addition to your fees from the cases you take on.”

The guy says, “I don’t get it. Is something wrong with her?" The...

A son tells his dad that the number of Coronavirus cases has reached 200,000

The dad replies:

"Oh 400,000 cases of Coronavirus, huh? Did you know that over 60 million people get the flu every year? 800,000 cases isn't so much in the big scheme of things- When 2.8 million people are dying from obesity every year- why should I give a damn about 1.6 million cases?"

I tested for possible cases of corona in my lab today.

Only one was positive; the other three just turned out to be budweiser with a bit of added tequila.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Easily accessible porn is causing increased cases of erectile dysfunction in younger populations...

Its a growing problem.

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A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

Why does Russia have so little Covid-19 cases compared to other major countries?

They got banned from the competition by the WHO.

Scientists have announced a breakthrough: a Plant that eliminates Coronavirus in 100% of all cases!

It's called Plant-your-ass-in-your-chair and stay the F home.

The US reports that 42% of all new Covid-19 cases will come from abroad.

They think her name is "Karen."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

America just announced about an hour ago that we officially have the world's most confirmed COVID-19 cases.

\#1 AGAIN, bitches.

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