Carpets Jokes - 14 Hilarious Carpets Jokes

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

I inherited a magic device that floats in the sky and weaves magic carpets.

You might say it’s a “family air loom.”

What does speedy gonzalas put beneath his carpets?

Underlay! Underlay!

Why do women think men are like carpets ?

If they lay them right the first time, they can walk on them for years.

The magic carpet

Three girlfriends (a blonde, a brunette and a redhead) go to a carpet store that was advertising magic carpets for sale.

They enter the store and the salesperson greets then and informs them that only one magic carpet remain, all the flying ones were sold and the one remaining was a truth te...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The carpet

An attractive, well-dressed woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian carpets. She looks around, spots a beautiful carpet, and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the carpet she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has ...

An American, a Frenchman, a Turk and a Scotsman are arguing about whose nation is the best

(sorry for bad English, it's not my native language)

The American says: We have our intelligence agencies, like CIA. They are the best in the world, and they know everything!

The Frenchman says: We have beautiful women. Despite being so attractive, they are not easy to be seduced.
<...

This bloke knocked on my door and said, "Can I come into your house and talk about vacuuming your carpets?"

I am sure he was a Jehoovers Witness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The New York Philharmonic was conducting a rendition of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

If you are not familiar with Beethoven's 9th Symphony it's a tremendous piece of work, but the bass line is atrocious. Not because it is complicated, but because it goes like this:

**"bbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"**

And then approximately an hour an a half later it goes li...

The Divorce Settlement

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, he had the movers come to collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background musi...

The bears who died and turned into skin carpets were probably surprised when it happened.

Their jaws dropped on the floor.

In a bar, an American, an Italian, a Turkish and an Indian met.

After a few pegs, they started discussing about the great things their respective nations produced.

American: "We are proud of our CIA. They know everything that is going around the world, often even before it happens".

Italian: "We are proud of our women. They are the most beautiful ...

My wife gave me a choice...

... watching Titanic with her or washing dishes, cleaning carpets, and cleaning bathroom.

Quick question: which bleach would you recommend?

Some people think that Reddit is full of subliminal advertising.

That's crazy.

But not as crazy as the low, low prices found at Dave's Carpets, High Street, Wolverhampton.

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