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Doormat Jokes

How do you say doormat in Spanish?

Matador

What relation is a doorstep to a doormat?

A step-farther.

A blonde sees a letter lying on her doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

She spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

Apparently the French use German-made doormats.

The Germans just use the French.

My mother told me this one...

One day a lonely woman decided to call the dating service. They asked her what she wanted in a man. She replied "I want a man who won't hit me, I want a man who won't leave me, and I want a great lover!" They said ok he will be there in one hour. So the woman gets ready for her date, and an hour lat...

Any great and funny jokes like this one for my 8 year old granddaughter?

She loves this one:

A guy is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up and opens the door, no one there. Looks down and sees a snail on the doormat. Being a guy, of course he picks it up and throws it across the street.
Six months later, the guy is in his living room,...

Sam Adams decides to pay Thomas Paine a visit ...

He knocks, and Tom comes to answer the door. Sam says, "I notice that you use the New York Times instead of a doormat. "Yes," says Tom. "These are the Times that dry mens' soles."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home from work in a bad mood

As soon as he settles down on his couch he hears a knock on the door. He begrudgingly gets up to answer the door but no one is there.
He slams it shut again and stomps back to the couch and right as he’s comfortable, he hears another knock. Furious, he opens the door only to see no one there onc...

I'm tired of people stomping all over my hard work, trampling on it without even noticing.

Maybe I should quit my job at the doormat factory...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy was chilling at his beach house...

...when there's a knock at the door.

He answers it, but no one is there. He notices a small snail on the doormat, picks it up, tosses it in the direction of the beach, and goes back inside.

Four years later, he's chilling at home and there's a knock at the door. He answers it, but no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid'a parents didn't want him to learn bad words...

*English isn't my first language so tell me if there are any mistakes*

So one day the father was taking the kid to the mall for a haircut, they walk out the door and the father suddenly remembers he forgot his keys.

He forgets him and his SO's idea and says "Shit! I forgot my keys" th...

A Preacher

A preacher is making his weekly rounds to people's houses, trying to get them to convert. He reaches one home in the afternoon, and rings the doorbell. He distinctively hears someone inside, but no one comes to answer the door, so after waiting a few minutes of knocking and asking if anyone was home...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Tommy And The Party of Foul

Little Tommy's parents are throwing a meet-n-greet for their new neighbours, so they're preparing for their arrival. Problem is, they didn't plan ahead properly and are faced with less time than they thought they had before it starts; Tommy walks in on his parents in an argument, upon which he hears...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[LONG] A man and his son were speeding on their way home in time for..

dinner, when flashing blue lights appear out of nowhere behind them. "Bastards!" the dad shouts. The boy, curiously asks, "What does bastards mean Daddy?". The father, not wanting his son to pick up the bad language responds, "It's just another word for policemen son."

The pair continue driv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father and his 5 year old Son are walking on their farm together...

The dad steps in dog poo and yells "SHIT!"


The son asks, "Daddy, what does shit mean?"


The father answers, panicking as he doesn't want to set a bad example, "Its another word for doormat"


The son is convinced and the dad breathes a sigh of relief.


Later...

A man hears his doorbell ring

He goes to open the door, but sees no one there. He glances down, thinking maybe it was a package dropped off, but only sees his doormat and a snail on the ground. Realizing it must have been immature kids ding-dong ditching, he becomes a little angry. To vent his frustration, he picks up the snail ...

My wife an I were sat watching a documentary about plastic surgery earlier..

"Oo, I'd love a bit of that." She said, dreamily. "It'd be great to step out with a different shaped nose."
So I've swapped the doormat for a rake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I knew babysitting my neighbor's son was gonna be a challenge...

The first time I went to babysit, I tripped on the doormat, spilled my coffee, and yelled 'son of a bitch!'

Then the kid poked his head out of his room, and said 'did somebody call?'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is fed up with her love life...

...so she puts an ad in the newspaper.

'What is wrong with men? I have had no luck. My first boyfriend was abusive and I had to leave him out of fear. My second relationship was going great until one day he inexplicably left. My last guy was kind and wanted to be with me forever, but he...

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