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Upholstery Jokes

My sister who works at an upholstery factory fell into one of the machines yesterday….

Don’t worry she’s recovered

My dad was working on some furniture and fell into the upholstery machine.

But don’t worry, he’s fully recovered.

My upholstery business failed.

I'm still trying to recover.

Did you here about the guy that feel into the upholstery machine?

Yes he is totally recovered now

MAN SHOT 200 TIMES with upholstery gun.

Surgeons revealed he is now " fully recovered"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady walks into a car dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a salesperson doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.

With a pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DIARY of a POMMIE EXPAT in AUSTRALIA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally...

A friend of mine works making furniture

He fell into the upholstery machine.Took a while to get him out, but he's all recovered now.

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.

Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still go...

Jane goes to buy a car...

Jane went to buy a new car that she saw advertised for a certain price. After telling the salesman which car she wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed Jane the bill, and she declared, “This isn’t the price I saw!”

The salesman went on to tell Jane how she was getting ...

A young man...

had just bought a brand new sportscar. He was sitting at a red light when an 80 year old wearing a half helmet and goggles pulled up alongside him on a beat up, old moped. As they sat there the old guy began to gawk at his car.

“My goodness, sonny” the old man wheezed. “That's a lotta car ya...

I was involved in a car jacking

I just hope none got on the upholstery

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Solomon the Wise received the Queen of Sheba at his palace, he needed grand new thrones for him and for her.

So by the power of the Seal of Solomon he summoned *djinn* and he said to them: Craft me a pair of thrones that shall be the wonder of all the ages, exquisite in both materials and workmanship and of a value surpassing all the treasures of the earth. And the *djinn*, bound under the Seal, bowed low ...

A man was studying to be a filmmaker...

Since he was big live music fan, he started hitting up his favorite local bands and offering to do behind-the-scenes documentary sessions as promotional materials. He got a few bites and after shooting a few small acts, his work really took off, developing a reputation for the way he seemed to disap...

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