Burglars are getting more clever, my wife woke me up in the middle of the night "I think there is somebody downstairs" she said. So I got up and went downstairs and checked ever room..
Then I realized I wasn't married....
Two burglars are robbing a liquor store.
One turns to the other and asks, "Is this whiskey?"
The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.
Those dirty bastards.
Two burglars tried to ransack a comedian's office, but they were caught while making their getaway.
Turns out they couldn't take a joke.
After release from prison, a group of house burglars were hired by the national marijuana museum. Unfortunately they were fired, as after 3 days, they had only managed to set up a single item for display.
Guess they spent too long casing the joint.
How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote?
Please respond quickly!
Why don't burglars have a problem with the COVID-19 lockdowns?
They are used to work from home.
Burglars are getting very clever these days..
Last night, my wife woke me up..
*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*
So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.
Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.
I feel bad for all the home burglars that are losing their jobs this month
Everyone is home
Burglars will be the ones his hardest by the corona virus.
Everyone is home, all the time.
Why don't cats make good burglars?
They can't get past the laser defenses
An old man sees two burglars break into his garrage
He quickly calls the police and says: "Please send a police car, there are two burglars in my garage!"
"I'm sorry sir. We don't have any available units. Please lock your doors and remain inside."
The man just says 'Okay' in a calm voice and hangs up. He waits one minute and then ca...
The police station was burglarized. The burglars stole the toilet seat.
Police have nothing to go on.
Three burglars are running from the police
They go into a dark alley and hide in three sacks. The police look around and one of them kicks the first sack and the burglar goes "meow", "just cats" he thinks. He then kicks the second one and the the second burglar goes " meow" so the police pass it off as more cats. He then kicks the last sack ...
They broke into the policeman's house
Three guys broke into the policeman's house, but the policeman arrived home. The burglars got scared and they hid in three huge bags they had found. The policeman got suspicious. He kicked the first bag. Meow - replied the bag. Ok, that's just the cat. Then the policeman kicked the second bag. Woof...
One of my dads faves
Burglars have broken into Scotland Yard and stolen all the toilets
Police say they have nothing to go on
George was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would ...
When I was young we were so poor
That burglars broke into the house in the middle of the night. They couldn’t find anything to steal so they woke us up to make fun of us.
Two guys are walking down the road with their dogs, one guy has a doberman and the other has a chihuahua, when they come across a restaurant
They want to go in but there's a sign on the door that says "no pets allowed - service dogs only". The guy with the doberman says, "don't worry I got this." He proceeds to put on a dark pair of sunglasses and walks inside.
The manager comes up to him and says, "sir, you can't have your dog in...