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Burglars Jokes

Burglars are getting very clever these days.

Last night, my wife woke me up, “Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!”

So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone. Then I realized I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and TV were gone.

Why don't cats make good burglars?

They can't get past the laser defenses

Why is it that burglars are usually armed?

Armless burglars can't get away with as much.

Want to know how to scare burglars off?

First: Put pictures of a tiger all around your house.

Second: Put a cat litter tray in your hallway and take a dump in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.

Those dirty bastards.

Of all my favorite burglars in life

The bakery thief really takes the cake

The police station was burglarized. The burglars stole the toilet seat.

Police have nothing to go on.

Three burglars are running from the police

They go into a dark alley and hide in three sacks. The police look around and one of them kicks the first sack and the burglar goes "meow", "just cats" he thinks. He then kicks the second one and the the second burglar goes " meow" so the police pass it off as more cats. He then kicks the last sack ...

How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote?

Please respond quickly!

Two burglars are robbing a liquor store. One turns to the other and asks "Is this whiskey" ?

The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank"

Why don't burglars have a problem with the COVID-19 lockdowns?

They are used to work from home.

Burglars will be the ones his hardest by the corona virus.

Everyone is home, all the time.

An old man sees two burglars break into his garrage

He quickly calls the police and says:
"Please send a police car, there are two burglars in my garage!"

"I'm sorry sir. We don't have any available units. Please lock your doors and remain inside."

The man just says 'Okay' in a calm voice and hangs up. He waits one minute and then ca...

Two burglars tried to ransack a comedian's office, but they were caught while making their getaway.

Turns out they couldn't take a joke.

Post Malone may be a popular rapper, but have you heard of his long-lost cousin Ho Malone?

His most popular track is about some kid named Kevin who has to fight off burglars in his house.

Two guys are walking down the road with their dogs, one guy has a doberman and the other has a chihuahua, when they come across a restaurant

They want to go in but there's a sign on the door that says "no pets allowed - service dogs only". The guy with the doberman says, "don't worry I got this." He proceeds to put on a dark pair of sunglasses and walks inside.

The manager comes up to him and says, "sir, you can't have your dog in...

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