UPJOKE
thiefcutpurselarcenydipoliver twistmoneyhoodlumswordsmanimpostercounterfeiterrobbermafiososhopliftermuggingdrunkard

Pickpocket Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a porn addict and a pickpocket?

One snatches watches.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

The pickpocket snatches your watch. The peeping tom does the opposite.

I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed...

how could anyone stoop so low

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like my sex the way I like my pickpocketing.

Nowhere near security cameras.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster schucker and a diahrettic prostitute?

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster schucker and a diahrettic prostitute?
- The epileptic oyster schucker shucks between fits.

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom?
- the pickpocket spends all day snatching watches.

What's the difference ...

So a pickpocket went to a nudist beach...

He hated it

"Hello, I'm Peter, professional pickpocket."

...said the man as he handed me my business card.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do...

I got an award for pickpocketing

I didn't win it though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If it weren't for pickpockets

I'd have no sex life at all

A pickpocket is a victim of a motorcycle hit-and-run.

A police officer comes to his aid.

"Do you remember his license plate?" he asks.

"No" says the pickpocket weakly, "but here's his wallet."

I was walking down the street the other day when I noticed someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don’t understand how anyone could stoop so low.

Pickpockets get incredibly awkward when you catch them in the act.

They don't know what to do with their hands.

A new group of auto thieves have been pickpocketing keychains clipped to tourists' bags and belts.

Authorities say to be on the lookout for these Pirates of the Carabiners.

My friend,who is a little person,got pickpocketed on his way home from work...

How could anyone stoop so low.

A man pickpockets a random person and steals her credit card

as the man walks off with the card, he says to himself 'hasta la visa'.

In the today's news a man was caught attempting to pickpocket Warwick Davis.

Don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

I was shocked...

I was shocked to read in the papers today that a short person had been pickpocketed. I just thought to myself “How could someone stoop so low?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hot Tip :

When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet near your groin and exclaim" Thank God my wallet is safely tucked in between my testicles." The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to tak...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

Redd Foxx Classics (not too dirty)

- "What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."

- "I've realized the importance of black. If you want to know how important black is, go to Las Vegas and get some white chips and get some black chips. You could have 70 lbs of white chips and ca...

I have practiced everything until perfection, but nobody seems to notice

Don't misunderstand me. My pickpocketing has improved, but nobody seems to notice.

Never any appreciation

Sure, I might be one of the world's greatest pickpockets, but does anyone ever notice?

However, there was one time when I ended up in a police lineup, but even then I didn't get the recognition I deserved.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman was at the hairdresser

Hairdresser was making small talk, “what’s new?” She says.

The woman replies, “ I am about to go on vacation. I’ve been saving for years and next week I leave .”

“Flying or driving?” Asks the hairdresser.

“I’m flying Jet Blue”.

“Jet Blue? They’re awful. The seats are t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.