Where did the computer hackers go?

I don't know, they ransomware.

How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?

With a kill-o-byte.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hacker say during sex?

I’m in.

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:

-Where is he,where is the hacker!?

-I don't know,he ransomware.

I asked our security specialist, “How did the hackers get away?”

Miffed, he shrugged and answered, “No idea. They ransomware.”

This hacker keeps posting on my reddit account

I will find you and I will stop you.

I'm being attacked by Russian hackers!

Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My password is pussy

Because most hackers don't get it

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s

Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a hacker say when he loses his virginity?

I'm in

Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?

The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!

What's a TV show hacker's favorite kind of cyber attack?

A DDOL - Direct Denial of Logic

Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ

The other two are Russian Hackers.

What do interested chemists and 12 year-old hackers have in common?

Inspect element

What part of Russia do Russian hackers come from?


What day of the year are there no hackers on PUBG?

Chinese New Year.

Where do Russian Hackers store their exploits?


To the hacker who hacked my reddit account, I will find you

(edit, no you won't)

What do tiny hackers eat?


I just got scammed by a hacker from Cairo...

I guess you could say I've been E-gipped.

What's a hacker's favourite brand of sportswear?


Hackers Begone

My mum was checking her emails and told me her password was "supermanbatmanrobingoofytomjerryLondon"

Apparently it had to have six characters and one capital.

What is the hardest step in a hackers career ?

2 step verification.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda...

Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

Why are dentists really good hackers?

Because they always get root access.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

Why couldn’t the hacker cross the sea ?

The port was closed.

Who was the most famous hacker in history?

Lizzie Borden.

How does a Russian hacker get its malware onto the NSA's computers?

By in-Stalin it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the hacker who lives upstairs instead of his mom's basement?

That dude is on a different level.

Someone hacked my account and deleted my posts! I'll tell you how I stopped the hacker.


Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS?

They know how the system will react to sin tax errors

What are Mexican hackers called?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timonthy, the Computer Hacker

Timothy hacked an adult website to get content for free at the expense of a virus that was set loose to thousands of computers in the state. He lives over in Alabama, so I was unaffected.

Moral of the story? Timmy hacked porn, and I don't care.

There's a support group for burned-out hacker/activists who want to give up the habit.

It's called Anonymous Anonymous.

There was a catastrophic cyber attack recently...

The government is still looking for the hacker. They think he ran some ware.

Trump receives a message

Last week Trump received a coded message, reportedly from Chinese Hackers.

It read: 370HSSV-0773H

Trump was stumped and asked Pence what the message could mean. Pence was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top American programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it....

What does an elite hacker get after being arrested?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All divine beings gather for an emergency meeting

The gods take their time, but one by one everyone is in attendance around a long, dark table on a well-lit cloud.

Yahweh is at the head of the table, simply dressed and glowing. Satan sat at the other end, dressed in a casual suit and a trench coat, a cigarette in hand.

**Yahweh:** O...

What do computer criminals like to eat?

Cheese and Hackers.

(My 7-year old son came up with that one, so go easy :)

My bank account was hacked!!!

The hacker was so disappointed, he started a fundraiser for me.

In Soviet Russia...

Hackers are hacked by elections.

I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth..

Now her friends call me ruthless.

Two admins meet at work

"A friend of mine was able to shut down the main server just in 5 minutes!"
"Wow. He is a hacker?"
"No. Just an idiot."

Who is Trump's favorite YouTuber?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American basketball team and a foreign basketball team were at a party

before a big game so both sides can relax a bit and get to know one another.

It started off friendly, but after a few drinks, things became more hostile, and the American downright insulted a member of the foreign team because he couldn't speak English well. The foreigner said "When I shot t...

New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree

it was actually brought down by Russian hackers

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

If school buses become autonomous...

hackers are going to have a field day.

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