What was the hackers' rehabilitation meeting called?

Anonymous Anonymous

Where did the hackers go when they escaped?

No idea, they just ransomware

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

Why do hackers grow their plants with hydroponics?

To get root access.

A hacker saw my financials

He set up a go fund me

How did the computer hacker escape the police?

He just ransomeware....

Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.

I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.

I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".

How does one hacker flirt with the other

"I'll show you yours if you show me mine"

Hacker: I have all your passwords

Me who forgot them all: Thank God

Hackers took over our system and won't give us back access to our files until we tell them how good looking they are.

It's a handsomeware attack.

What do Computer Hackers and priests have in common?

They both look for a backdoor entrance

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just ransomware.

What do you call a bar in France, that is opened by a hacker taliban?

a La Hack Bar

EA have been hit by ransomware and need to pay up to $7,000,000

Hackers claim they want EA to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when they finally unlock their information

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do hackers like anal?

They always go through the backdoor

Hackers in a movie be like

lasdkfjhehdfvjdkfhier dhghtwoief ghih egjiufye r

I'm in.

What do you call a religious Russian hacker that leaks your private information?

Orthodoxxer.

"Officer, where did the hacker escape?"

"I'm not sure sir, he used the backdoor and ransomware"

Why do hackers celebrate Christmas on Halloween?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hacker: I’m in!

Superhero: stay away from my assistant and do your job you useless fuck

Elite Hacker Finds a Magic Lamp

He rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says "You have three wishes."

Elite Hacker says "I wish I have zero more wishes."

Genie says "You have 255 more wishes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hacker say during sex?

I’m in.

Why are hackers fast?

Because they're rushin'.

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s


Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?

With a kill-o-byte.

To the hacker who hacked into my reddit account, I will find you.

(Edit: no, you won’t)

Q. Why were the cops unable to catch the hacker?

A. Because he ransomware

How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?

Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.

(Credit to my cousin)

What are the Vatican’s expert hackers called?

A-nun-ymous

What do you call a hacker stuck in his house after a winter storm?

Edward Snowed-in

You know what hackers did when Police showed up at their house?

They ransomware safe

What is common between hacker and hooligan?

They like to break some windows

Where do Russian Hackers store their exploits?

/ussr/bin/

The FBI found a hacker's base of operations and broke in, but he was no where to be seen.

Agent 1: Where did he go?
Agent 2: I don't know, he ransomware

What did the hacker do when he saw the store computer unattended?

He went straight for the Cache Register

What part of Russia do Russian hackers come from?

Cyberia

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

What do tiny hackers eat?

Microchips.

I'm being attacked by Russian hackers!

Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.

What day of the year are there no hackers on PUBG?

Chinese New Year.

Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?

The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!

What do computer criminals like to eat?

Cheese and Hackers.

(My 7-year old son came up with that one, so go easy :)

What do interested chemists and 12 year-old hackers have in common?

Inspect element

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

What's a hacker's favourite brand of sportswear?

A D-DOS.

My bank account was hacked!!!

The hacker was so disappointed, he started a fundraiser for me.

I asked our security specialist, “How did the hackers get away?”

Miffed, he shrugged and answered, “No idea. They ransomware.”

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:

-Where is he,where is the hacker!?

-I don't know,he ransomware.

What's a TV show hacker's favorite kind of cyber attack?

A DDOL - Direct Denial of Logic

Who was the most famous hacker in history?

Lizzie Borden.

Recent cyber security breaches are discovered due to their rapid deployment.

The hackers are always Russian.

Why couldn’t the hacker cross the sea ?

The port was closed.

How does a Russian hacker get its malware onto the NSA's computers?

By in-Stalin it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timonthy, the Computer Hacker

Timothy hacked an adult website to get content for free at the expense of a virus that was set loose to thousands of computers in the state. He lives over in Alabama, so I was unaffected.

Moral of the story? Timmy hacked porn, and I don't care.

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

I just got scammed by a hacker from Cairo...

I guess you could say I've been E-gipped.

What is the hardest step in a hackers career ?

2 step verification.

Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS?

They know how the system will react to sin tax errors

I am part of a like minded hacker group.

We are synonymous!

So the FBI paid professional hackers to unlock the shooter's iPhone.

But whenever I pay hackers to unlock an iPhone, I'm "too insecure to be in a relationship".

There's a support group for burned-out hacker/activists who want to give up the habit.

It's called Anonymous Anonymous.

“10-4, back up, I need back up”

“What’s your location?”

“16 and 11. Hacker is on foot.”

“Where is the suspect headed?”

“I don’t know. He just ransomware.”

I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth..

Now her friends call me ruthless.

Two admins meet at work

"A friend of mine was able to shut down the main server just in 5 minutes!"
"Wow. He is a hacker?"
"No. Just an idiot."

This hacker keeps posting on my reddit account

I will find you and I will stop you.

There was a catastrophic cyber attack recently...

The government is still looking for the hacker. They think he ran some ware.

If school buses become autonomous...

hackers are going to have a field day.

Who is Trump's favorite YouTuber?

CrazyRussianHacker.

New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree

it was actually brought down by Russian hackers

Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ

The other two are Russian Hackers.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.