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What was the hackers' rehabilitation meeting called?

Anonymous Anonymous

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

Hackers in a movie be like

lasdkfjhehdfvjdkfhier dhghtwoief ghih egjiufye r

I'm in.

Hacker Jesus

“Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man how to phish and he’ll steal your bank password” - Hacker Jesus

"Officer, where did the hacker escape?"

"I'm not sure sir, he used the backdoor and ransomware"

Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.

I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.

I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".

A hacker saw my financials

He set up a go fund me

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just ransomware.

Why couldn't Chinese hackers decrypt the trans man's signal?

It was non-binary

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a 90's hacker say when he has sex?

Ok, I'm in.

A hacker once told me my full name and IP address

Jokes on him, I already knew both of those things

What is written on a very successful hacker’s tombstone?

His IP is well hidden.

What happens to Russian hackers when they get caught?

They get sent to Cyberia.

How does one hacker flirt with the other

"I'll show you yours if you show me mine"

Why is Winnie the Pooh the worst hacker?

He constantly falls for honeypots

What do you call a white hat hacker from Pennsylvania?

A penn tester

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do hackers like anal?

They always go through the backdoor

How did the hacker get away from the police?

He ransomware.

To the hacker who hacked into my reddit account, I will find you.

(Edit: no, you won’t)

Where do Russian Hackers store their exploits?


What happens to German hackers when they encounter anti-cheat software?

They get an autobahn.

Hackers took over our system and won't give us back access to our files until we tell them how good looking they are.

It's a handsomeware attack.

What is the best way to find the 'World's Greatest Hacker' ?

Create an online poll and wait for the magic to happen.

What do you call a religious Russian hacker that leaks your private information?


How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?

With a kill-o-byte.

Why are hackers fast?

Because they're rushin'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hacker: I’m in!

Superhero: stay away from my assistant and do your job you useless fuck

Why do hackers grow their plants with hydroponics?

To get root access.

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s

Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

Q. Why were the cops unable to catch the hacker?

A. Because he ransomware

Why do hackers celebrate Christmas on Halloween?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?

Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.

(Credit to my cousin)

I got an email from a hacker today..

It was written " you should transfer $500 to this btc, as I already know your full name, address and ssn".

I replied " so do I ".

Elite Hacker Finds a Magic Lamp

He rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says "You have three wishes."

Elite Hacker says "I wish I have zero more wishes."

Genie says "You have 255 more wishes."

You know what hackers did when Police showed up at their house?

They ransomware safe

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

What did the hacker do when he saw the store computer unattended?

He went straight for the Cache Register

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?

The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!

What do computer criminals like to eat?

Cheese and Hackers.

(My 7-year old son came up with that one, so go easy :)

I'm being attacked by Russian hackers!

Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.

The FBI found a hacker's base of operations and broke in, but he was no where to be seen.

Agent 1: Where did he go?
Agent 2: I don't know, he ransomware

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timonthy, the Computer Hacker

Timothy hacked an adult website to get content for free at the expense of a virus that was set loose to thousands of computers in the state. He lives over in Alabama, so I was unaffected.

Moral of the story? Timmy hacked porn, and I don't care.

What's a hacker's favourite brand of sportswear?


Two admins meet at work

"A friend of mine was able to shut down the main server just in 5 minutes!"
"Wow. He is a hacker?"
"No. Just an idiot."

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:

-Where is he,where is the hacker!?

-I don't know,he ransomware.

What are the Vatican’s expert hackers called?


What do interested chemists and 12 year-old hackers have in common?

Inspect element

Why couldn’t the hacker cross the sea ?

The port was closed.

Watching action movies on shady sites is great.

You get to experience the movie for free that you would usually have to pay for.

The intense hacking scene in which the database needs to be defended from overseas hackers displaying threat messages.

As well as experiencing the supermodel love interest confess her love.

Then ...

Breaking news: EA has been hacked

Apparently the hackers have stolen some 780GB of data. EA insists no player data has been compromised.

They said it's in the game.

My bank account was hacked!!!

The hacker was so disappointed, he started a fundraiser for me.

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

Who was the most famous hacker in history?

Lizzie Borden.

I am part of a like minded hacker group.

We are synonymous!

There's a support group for burned-out hacker/activists who want to give up the habit.

It's called Anonymous Anonymous.

I asked our security specialist, “How did the hackers get away?”

Miffed, he shrugged and answered, “No idea. They ransomware.”

This hacker keeps posting on my reddit account

I will find you and I will stop you.

I just got scammed by a hacker from Cairo...

I guess you could say I've been E-gipped.

What's a TV show hacker's favorite kind of cyber attack?

A DDOL - Direct Denial of Logic

Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS?

They know how the system will react to sin tax errors

So the FBI paid professional hackers to unlock the shooter's iPhone.

But whenever I pay hackers to unlock an iPhone, I'm "too insecure to be in a relationship".

“10-4, back up, I need back up”

“What’s your location?”

“16 and 11. Hacker is on foot.”

“Where is the suspect headed?”

“I don’t know. He just ransomware.”

I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth..

Now her friends call me ruthless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All divine beings gather for an emergency meeting

The gods take their time, but one by one everyone is in attendance around a long, dark table on a well-lit cloud.

Yahweh is at the head of the table, simply dressed and glowing. Satan sat at the other end, dressed in a casual suit and a trench coat, a cigarette in hand.

**Yahweh:** O...

If school buses become autonomous...

hackers are going to have a field day.

Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ

The other two are Russian Hackers.

There was a catastrophic cyber attack recently...

The government is still looking for the hacker. They think he ran some ware.

New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree

it was actually brought down by Russian hackers

Who is Trump's favorite YouTuber?


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