Police officer: So where did the hacker go?

Me : I don't know he just ransomware

“Officer, how did the hackers manage to get away?”

“I have no idea. They just ransomware.”

Why are hackers fast?

Because they're rushin'.

How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?

Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.

(Credit to my cousin)

I asked our security specialist, “How did the hackers get away?”

Miffed, he shrugged and answered, “No idea. They ransomware.”

What is a hackers favorite pop group?

The Black IP’s


Note: Siri voice to text is solely responsible for this

How does a hacker vampire kill its victims?

With a kill-o-byte.

Hackers in a movie be like

lasdkfjhehdfvjdkfhier dhghtwoief ghih egjiufye r

I'm in.

I wanted to be a hacker when I grew up.

But when I realised how much upper body strength a lumberjack actually needs, my dreams were crushed.

I'm being attacked by Russian hackers!

Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the hacker say during sex?

I'm in

What do interested chemists and 12 year-old hackers have in common?

Inspect element

A police officer is chasing a hacker

He loses track of him in the streets and asks a passerby:

-Where is he,where is the hacker!?

-I don't know,he ransomware.

Survey finds that 1 in 3 Republicans are of below average IQ

The other two are Russian Hackers.

What part of Russia do Russian hackers come from?

Cyberia

To the hacker who hacked my reddit account, I will find you

(edit, no you won't)

What's a TV show hacker's favorite kind of cyber attack?

A DDOL - Direct Denial of Logic

This hacker keeps posting on my reddit account

I will find you and I will stop you.

Heard the one about the Russian hacker meddling in US elections?

The FBI agent monitoring your phone is going to love it!

What day of the year are there no hackers on PUBG?

Chinese New Year.

Where do Russian Hackers store their exploits?

/ussr/bin/

I just got scammed by a hacker from Cairo...

I guess you could say I've been E-gipped.

What do you call a hacker's theme song?

A L33tmotif.

Why are dentists really good hackers?

Because they always get root access.

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

What's a hacker's favourite brand of sportswear?

A D-DOS.

What is the hardest step in a hackers career ?

2 step verification.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda...

Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!

What do tiny hackers eat?

Microchips.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

Why couldn’t the hacker cross the sea ?

The port was closed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the hacker who lives upstairs instead of his mom's basement?

That dude is on a different level.

Who was the most famous hacker in history?

Lizzie Borden.

A hacker locked a bank's financial information down and demanded payment to decrypt them.

Police tried to catch him but he ransomeware.

What do computer criminals like to eat?

Cheese and Hackers.

(My 7-year old son came up with that one, so go easy :)

Why do underground hackers report their income to the IRS?

They know how the system will react to sin tax errors

So the FBI paid professional hackers to unlock the shooter's iPhone.

But whenever I pay hackers to unlock an iPhone, I'm "too insecure to be in a relationship".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timonthy, the Computer Hacker

Timothy hacked an adult website to get content for free at the expense of a virus that was set loose to thousands of computers in the state. He lives over in Alabama, so I was unaffected.

Moral of the story? Timmy hacked porn, and I don't care.

How does a Russian hacker get its malware onto the NSA's computers?

By in-Stalin it.

I am part of a like minded hacker group.

We are synonymous!

What are Mexican hackers called?

BanDDoS

There was a catastrophic cyber attack recently...

The government is still looking for the hacker. They think he ran some ware.

There's a support group for burned-out hacker/activists who want to give up the habit.

It's called Anonymous Anonymous.

My bank account was hacked!!!

The hacker was so disappointed, he started a fundraiser for me.

In Soviet Russia...

Hackers are hacked by elections.

I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth..

Now her friends call me ruthless.

Two admins meet at work

"A friend of mine was able to shut down the main server just in 5 minutes!"
"Wow. He is a hacker?"
"No. Just an idiot."

Who is Trump's favorite YouTuber?

CrazyRussianHacker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American basketball team and a foreign basketball team were at a party

before a big game so both sides can relax a bit and get to know one another.

It started off friendly, but after a few drinks, things became more hostile, and the American downright insulted a member of the foreign team because he couldn't speak English well. The foreigner said "When I shot t...

New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree

it was actually brought down by Russian hackers

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

If school buses become autonomous...

hackers are going to have a field day.

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