Builds Jokes - 19 Hilarious Builds Jokes

What do you call a snake that builds?

A boa-constructor (9 year old made this up)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian captain and an American captain debate which country builds the best submarines...

They are standing at a harbor and they've been arguing for hours. The American says "Our subs have such efficient air filter systems that they can stay underwater for months at a time".

The Russian replies:"A few months? Laughsble. Our Russian subs have such advanced air filters that they ca...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep,

using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around hi...

Romania, one of the poorest country in the EU, builds a cathedral instead of a hospital.

I get it. When Dracula is a constant threat, I'd prioritise building a Cathedral rather than a hospital.

A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.

The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.

The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to ...

If Apple builds a car

Will it come with Windows?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is it true that milk builds strong bones?

Or is that just more propaganda to justify jerking off cows?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man builds a car out of wood.

He builds it on the road for all to see. People would come by to watch him work. Then one day, he finishes the wooden car. He then decides to auction it off.
"The bidding shall start at... Let's say, 2 million dollars!", says the man.
"Isn't that a little too high for something made of wood?"...

Some people say rolling for stats in D&D is old fashioned and unforgiving

But I think it builds character.

A neurotic builds castles in the air.

A psychotic lives in them.

A psychiatrist collects the rent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A construction company builds a 5 stories apartment building but with no bathroom

A reporter asks the contractor:

"Why didn't you build any bathroom in the building?"

The contractor replies:
"The first floor is a kindergarten, they go potty so no need for a bathroom"

"The second floor is for high ranking officials, they've got people to wipe their ass fo...

What do you call an Irishman who builds outdoor chairs?

Paddy O’Furniture.

What do you call a dog who builds houses?

A barkitect.

I was talking to a bloke that builds cars.

"How do you make a headlight?" I asked him.

"Easy," he said, "don't drink any water on a hot day."

What was the name for that stuff that builds up under foreskin again?

It's on the tip of my tongue.

A young buffalo builds up the courage to finally come out to his father...

The father buffalo smiles and says, "thank you for confiding in me, I always thought you were bison."

Now that Donald Trump will be President, I really hope he builds the wall.

We need to keep all those crazy Americans contained.

An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong here. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield".

The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.

Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position ...

What do you call a polite man who builds bridges?

A civil engineer

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