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Breathtaking Jokes

One evening a rich widower showed up at the club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-yr-old blond.

She hung on to his every word, all night long.

His friends were stunned, and as soon as she couldn’t hear, they asked him how he’d managed to get a trophy girlfriend.

“Girlfriend? She’s my wife.”

“How the hell did you persuade that knockout to marry you?” one guy asked incredulo...

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An Airbus 380 is flying across the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now ...

I have a BREATHTAKING reminder for y'all

Automatic breathing deactivated.


And blinking too lol

A man in his 80’s went to a doctor with his beautiful, breathtaking 25 year old lady.

Doctor helped the frail old man in his clinic: What can I do for you today, sir?

Old man said to the Dr: I married this beautiful angel 2 months ago, and she is pregnant with my baby. At this age, I forgot how to care for the mother, I want to seek your advice.

Doctor a little taken ...

My wife said I was breathtaking in bed.

So I removed her oxygen mask. RIP Marie.

Breathtaking

A guy sits on the train, reading a newspaper. He lays down his newspaper and says to the guy in front of him "You know, with every breath I take, someone dies!"
Says the other guy "Have you tried brushing your teeth?"

I hear the view from Mount Everest is breathtaking...

literally.

Damn babe are you a Minneapolis police officer?

'Cos you're breathtaking..

What’s the difference between you and an inhaler?

You’re breathtaking!

Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet

The view was breathtaking

Three men go to heaven

At the gate into heaven St. Peter tells them, they can have everything they want as long as they do not step on a dark cloud. After that, they enter and have an amazing time.

But after a week the first comes up to the others with his leg in a bear trap. The others ask him:
"What happend?"<...

Last week I saw I noose tying tutorial

It was breathtaking

What did the comedian say to death?

You're breathtaking

Today i stole the inhaler of a kid

It was breathtaking

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I participated in a lung surgery earlier

That was breathtaking

What's the worst way to describe asthma?

It's breathtaking

Trophy Girlfriend

Bill, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25-year-old blonde on his arm. She's hanging on his every word. His buddies at the club are aghast.

They corner him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bill replies...

What did Keanu Reeves say to the air thief

Your breathtaking!

When you go hiking with asthma

You'll always find a breathtaking view

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man's curse

A man was cursed by a wicked witch. He could speak only one word per year, so if he said a word, he had to wait for another year to say another one.

One day, he saw a woman. Beautiful, splendid, sexy, breathtaking!! So he then decided to take the chance of marrying her, so he had to plan what...

What does Keanu Reeves and the corona virus have in common?

They’re both breathtaking.

Drowning doesn’t actually sound that bad

In fact it sounds quite breathtaking

It's been reported that Keanu Reeves has been stealing people's inhalers.

In other words, he's breathtaking

I tried deep diving without equipments once ...

It was breathtaking.

God says to the angel Gabriel: "I'm going to create a land called Canada."

"And Canada will be one of the largest and wealthiest in the world, stretching from the Arctic circle to the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, with breathtaking natural beauty and vast natural resources.

And Canada will have a rich cultural heritage, and its people will be renowned all over the wo...

What's the difference between the Eiffel Tower and COVID-19?

One of them is actually breathtaking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night my girlfriend and I finally tried choking during sex.

It was breathtaking..

Coronavirus joke

Coronavirus attacks the lungs, so I guess you could say it's a breathtaking experience.

I killed my grandpa by switching off his life support

Gotta admit it was quite breathtaking

I’m really allergic to pollen

But I feel this spring will be breathtaking

Guess how good my jokes on asthma are....

They're breathtaking

Drowning, choking, and suffocating

Are breathtaking experiences

What did the asthmatic person say to the construction worker?

You're breathtaking.

I was walking with a stupid guy in a park near my house

I told him "Hey look at that beautiful forest over there! Isn't nature truly breathtaking, sometimes?"

He turns over to me and says: "Can't see it, there's these big trees on front blocking the view"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do some people like being choked during sex?

Because it is breathtakingly good.

I like musical instruments that you blow into. They're pretty...

*Breathtaking*

What is space like without a space suit?

Breathtaking

People think I'm an idiot because I really enjoy getting strangled.

But, really, it's quite breathtaking!

During a fire, a women was stuck on the 4th floor with her baby.

Fire fighters instructed her to toss the child out the window, under which they had placed a net, but the mother refused. Things looked grim until a tall, well-built man burst through the crowd and shouted to the woman. He said that he was a professional football player and that he could catch the...

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Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored...

Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic.

Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.

Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest.
<...

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An explorer goes on an excursion into the Amazon rainforest...

(long but I don't believe I have seen this yet)

A rich explorer goes on an excursion into the Amazon rainforest. He has heard of all the wondrous wildlife there is to see, so he sets off with a guide and travels deep into forest. The deeper he goes, the more magical and strange the creatures...

A British Gentleman visits India..

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, "Who mad...

A Holy Car

A priest decides he’s fed up with his old car. So he goes to a dealership and finds a salesman.

The salesman notices the cross around the priest’s neck and asks,
“Are you, by chance, a man of God, sir?”.

The priest proudly says
“Why yes I am!”.

“Well then,” says the s...

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The Blue Pigeon.

There once was a medium sized city on the countryside. The villagers were happy, economy was thriving, education in top form, and few complaints could be made.

One day a pigeon arrived. The next day another. And the next day the pigeon population doubled again. This happened until the villag...

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There was once an old postman...

...whose name was Stan. Stan had had a robust career delivering mail in a small town for over 45 years, and decided to retire. On his final day of work, the families on his route all decided to give him presents to show their appreciation. At the first house, the McKinsleys gave him a very nice set ...

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