UPJOKE
phasetheatretheaterplatformscenestagecoachplacesettingdownstageprosceniumdramaturgyupstagesetbackstagetheater stage

Stages Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three stages of sex in marriage.

Stage one: Whole house sex. You and your partner have sex in every room of the house. Standing up, bending over, on any surface available.

Stage two: Bedroom Sex. You and your partner only have sex in the bedroom... after you shower... with the lights off.

Stage three: Hall sex. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The three life stages of sex

Age 18-35: Tri-Weekly

Age 35-60: Try Weekly

Age 60-90: Try Weakly

Three stages of obesity in men.

1. You can’t see it when it’s soft.
2. You can’t see it when it’s hard.
3. You can’t see who’s down there.

There are four stages of old age:

You forget names. Then you forget faces. Next, you forget to zip up. And finally, you forget to zip down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The three stages of married sex

Kitchen sex: when you are newly weds and so into each other that you have sex everywhere in the house, including the kitchen.

Bedroom sex: once you are further along in your marriage and sex only occurs in the bedroom.

Hallway sex: the end stage of your marriage when you pass each o...

The three stages of manhood are

"I have hair there now?...", then "I have here there now!", and back to "I have hair there now?..."

There were four guys who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job.

They were from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and Stanford. The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told the men that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they ...

A general is inspecting the drydock where an advanced prototype is in the final stages of commissioning.

The project manager excitedly explains how the attack submarine will be much faster than an enemy due to an innovative design which drastically reduces drag forces. The general asks how progress is coming along.

The manager replies, “The propulsion system is complete, I think it's ready for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Stages of boobs

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hangi...

Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief?

They keep getting stuck in de Nile

Three stages of tiredness

Drunk squirrel: when your so tired you slur words and just ramble on and can't walk straight

Squirrel on Cocain and Caffeine: when your brain knows you wanna stay up to it just gives you a burt of energy and power making the very ground you shake walk

Dead squirrel: when you cant take ...

Paranoia has reached absurd stages...

I sneezed in front of my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan on its own

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

THE STAGES OF SUCCESS

At age 4 success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is...having friends.

At age 16 success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20 success is...having sex.

At age 35 success is...having money.

At age 50 success is...having money.

At age 60 suc...

Three stages for every trip

Planning


Discussing


Cancelling

A man is in the final stages of getting ready for his wedding...

Everything is going well except for one small matter of his bride to be's extremely hot younger sister. One afternoon, a week before the big day, he finds himself alone with her in the house. She slides up to him and suggests to go upstairs - before he finally settles down to a life of wedded bliss....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A psychology professor starts his lecture by telling the students:

"Today we'll learn about the three stages of human emotion: surprise, irritation, and rage."

With that, he takes his phone out of his pocket, puts it on speaker, and dials a random number.

"Hello, may I please speak to Dave?" says the professor when the other person answers.

"No...

As a woodworker, I love the final stages of a project

All the little impurities and errors go away. It's a real varnishing act.

Do you know the four stages of edibles?

I don't feel anything,
I don't feel anything,
I don't feel anything,
Take me to the hospital.

The 5 stages of Election Day

The 5 stages of presidential election ending.
1) Denial(while results are being tallied) - this isn't happening. No this can't be.

2) Anger (after the results are in) - the words described are not repeatable and may not be suitable for young children.

3) Bargaining (a few hours a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 5 stages of grief

Denial - You can't fuck with me!

Anger - Don't you dare fuck with me!!

Bargaining - How bout I fuck you instead!

Depression - I'm going to get fucked aren't I?

Acceptance - Choke me daddy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist wanted to tell me about the 5 stages of grief. I said...

But nothing bad has happened! How DARE you imply that it has? I'm only paying half for this session. Thanks for ruining my good mood... Okay, tell me all about it.

The moon landing was staged

The rocket they used had multiple stages

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Moon landings were staged...

... specifically, they had three stages, which were discarded in sequence as the rocket ascended to space to save on mass.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.