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Advances Jokes

I met my dream girl at the morgue

but she didn't warm up to my advances.

An Inkling kept making romantic advances towards me.

I guess she was trying to woomy.

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My sexbot wasn't making sexual advances at me

, but then I realized I forgot to turn it on!

Have there been any new advances in anti-itch skin creams?

It just seems like we've only scratched the surface.

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An Israeli, a Russian and an American doctor are discussing the recent advances in medicine in their countries.

The Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we can cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6-weeks, he's looking for work." The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man and in 4-weeks, he's looking for work...

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The inventor of the Fleshlight, frustrated with his wife for refusing his sexual advances, hears a voice one night...

"If you build it you will cum!"

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Can we applaud David Spade for not having any allegations of sexual advances?

Consensual ones included.

It's appalling that despite advances in Science, the constant media circus has made us insensitive to the fact that every minute...

Sixty seconds pass away

Medical advances these days are absolutely crazy. They've found ways to activate taste buds in people who were born without the sense. Surprisingly most people don't like it at first.

Its an acquired taste.

A Chinese baby was born a month in advance

So his parents named him Er Lee

The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, fast food, underfloor heating...

But hey, it's all water over the bridge.

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My wife routinely turns down my sexual advances because she has headaches. Feeling particularly horny last night I prepared for that scenario.

As she joined me in bed I asked her if she would like to make love. She declined with her usual headache.

I carefully pulled back the bed-sheet, exposing my erection which was covered in a white powder.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
"Honey, it's aspirin. You can take it orally o...

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Sex after marriage

A girl and a boy meet at the discotheque and after a couple of dances it is obvious that they are really attracted to each other.

The boy asks the girl home and she accepts.

Once at home, nature being nature and the attraction being strong, after some kissing and petting, the boy ma...

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A newlywed bride and groom were about to commence their honeymoon activities

when the bride became annoyed at the groom’s overly enthusiastic advances. “Have some manners like you do at the dinner table!” she scolded. The groom stopped his pawing, sat up straight, straightened his hair, buttoned and smoothed his pajamas. “Good evening madam” said the groom. “You look very lo...

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a man gets on a public bus...

A man gets on a public bus, and sees a very attractive nun. He goes over to sit by the nun, and starts talking her up, trying to get her to come home with him. She refuses his advances, and eventually gets off the bus. The guy, however, couldn't get her out of his head, so he went up and asked the b...

A guy lost his fingers in an accident at work.

He rushed to the hospital and made his way to the emergency ward.

When he arrived the doctor came in and said, "Not to fret, Mr. Roberts, with the technology of today and advances in medicine, we can easily reattach your fingers and you'll be able to return to work in a couple of days. Now.....

From a 30 year old memory of a joke someone's grandfather told.

Brad's first year away at university was a lot of partying and paying for his friend's. He quickly runs out of money. His father would not be pleased with his wastefulness, so Brad sends him a message stating he has a professor that can teach his father's dog how to read and write for a bargain pric...

An old woman was sitting in her rocker by the fireplace one night when all of a sudden a genie appeared and promised to grant one wish.

An old woman was sitting in her rocker by the fireplace one night when all of a sudden a genie appeared and promised to grant one wish. She thought about it for quite awhile then looking down at her faithful cat Tom, she asked the genie to transform the pet into a handsome prince who would love her...

Now that Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood career is over, he's decided to open a bank.

Word is that he's been giving out plenty of unwanted advances.

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