I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia

she leaned in close and whispered ‘they’re behind you’

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bookstore and asks "Hi, have you got that new book about tiny penises?"

The lady behind the counter says "I don't think it's in yet"

The man says "yep, that's the one".

I thought my son was spending way too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

I asked the librarian if she had any books on turtles..

"Hard back?" she inquired..

"Yes..." I replied. "And little heads"

Sean Connery was recently injured by a pile of books that fell on him.

When asked about the incident, he responded, “I had nobody but my shelf to blame.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A new monk shows up at a monastery where the monks spend their time making copies of ancient books.

The new monk goes to the basement of the monastery saying he wants to make copies of the originals rather than of others' copies so as to avoid duplicating errors they might have made.
Several hours later the monks, wondering where their new friend is, find him crying in the basement.
They a...

Now that Game of Thrones is ending, you know who my dad thinks should write pirate books?

George "Arrre Arrre" Martin

I'm sorry.

Why should you be careful about reading J.R.R. Tolkien's books?

They are Hobbit-forming.

All my books fell down last night

I’m going to kill my shelf

The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book

“How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999?” He asks

The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.

“Because...” he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, “...only 90’s kids remember the 90’s”

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one was dead Sirius.

I went into a book store today and asked if they had any books about turtles.

The cashier said : “hardback?”

I said: “yeah and little heads”

What do you carry your books in?

Zack: A backpack

Zach: A bachpach

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books...

One day, a zookeeper noticed a chimpanzee reading two books--The Bible and Darwin's Origin of the Species. Astonished, he asked the ape, "Not only can you read, you're reading two books at once!?"

"Well," said the chimp, "I'm trying to figure out if I'm my brother's keeper, or my keeper's bro...

So a chicken walks into a library and says , “bock”. Sounding like “book” the librarian hands him a book. He takes it and goes happily on his way. Then the next day...

The chicken says "bock bock", and the librarian hands him two books. Away he went. The third day, chicken says "bock bock bock", and the librarian hands him three books. And so on until the fifth day, when the chicken says "bock bock bock bock bock", the librarian hands him five books and follows hi...

DnD books:$20

Gas to go the store:$15

Realizing you have nothing to roll:diceless

why do people go to Starbucks to write books?

because white noise helps them concentrate!

What do you call books written for cats?

Kitty Litter-ature.

I don't know why people say Donald Trump doesn't read books...

He always gets to chapter 11.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do characters in books and movies always prefer walking or running down hills?

Because Rowling makes them gay.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump book

Today I was at the bookstore; as I was wandering around, the clerk stopped me and offered to help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"

The cl...

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