why don’t libraries have books about suicide?

They don’t get returned.

A lady walks into the library, asking for books on paranoia

The librarian whispers, "*they're right behind you*".

I went to the bookstore and found a book entitled “How to solve 50% of your problems”

So I bought two.

A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.

He only had his shelf to blame.

What’s it called when multiple bookshelves of books falls on you?

A title wave

I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia

she leaned in close and whispered ‘they’re behind you’

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted and funny.

The fifth was dead Sirius.

All the comic books I inherited from my brother had the last page missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

If a person who reads lots of books is a bookworm, what do you call a person who listens to lots of tapes?

Old

Sean Connery was arranging the books in his personal library when the wooden plank gave away and all the books fell on him..

His maid rushed to the scene and asked " are you alright, sir ?"

Sean : "it'sh ok..I only have my shelf to blame ."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bookstore and asks "Hi, have you got that new book about tiny penises?"

The lady behind the counter says "I don't think it's in yet"

The man says "yep, that's the one".

I'm a big fan of Karl Marx's books, and if that makes me a communist;

Then So vie It

I wrote a book about Nemo and his rage towards plastic. In the end he dies

The books called Nemo 3: The last straw

I thought my son was spending way too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

What happens when you cross alcoholism and books of literary merit?

Tequila Mockingbird

Why don't people sympathize when your books fall onto the floor?

Because you only have your shelf to blame.

I asked the librarian if she had any books on turtles..

"Hard back?" she inquired..

"Yes..." I replied. "And little heads"

Plot devices have Mary Sues, comic books have Gary Stus...

Hollywood has Terry Crews.

It is not economically friendly to throw joke books in the trash.

You should always recycle them.

Last night, I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings books.

My wife said I was Tolkien in my sleep.

So, after reading a bunch of “self-help” books, I’ve FINALLY found the secret to financial success!!

I think I’m going to write a self-help book!

Why are some books so pretentious

Because they all feel entitled

How does the chicken transfer their books to school?

In their bawk-pack.

My friend has been up in court for defacing library books

He was discovered tippexing all the full stops out, the judge said he should expect a long sentence.

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