My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Sean Connery was arranging his bookcase when one of the books fell from the top and landed on his head.

Unfortunately Sean Connery only had his shelf to blame.

A man walks into a library and asks if there’s any books about turtles...

Librarian: hardback?

Man: Yea with little heads

My friend was recently crushed to death under a huge pile of books.

He's got only his shelf to blame

A monk joins an abbey ready to dedicate his life to copying ancient books by hand

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying from copies made from still more copies.

"If someone makes a mistake" he points out "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made"

A bit s...

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

The saying “never lend your books, you’ll never get them back” is true

I know this because my library is full of books that other folks have lent me

Why are math books always so stressed?

They have a limitless amount of problems that need to be solved.

What did they rename the Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books?

Author

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell the difference between a Protestant and a Catholic? Ask them to name the books of the bible.

If you listen carefully, you'll notice that the protestant answer excludes the duetrocanonical texts, such as Tobit and Judith, while the catholic answer will be "How the fuck should I know? There's like 50 of them. Piss off."

My co-worker was reading a book on her tea break.

I asked her what it was and she said "It's *The Exorcist*. It's the most evil book I've ever read, it's really getting to me."

At the start of her lunch break she said "Right, I'm getting rid of this horrible thing!". I watched out of the window as she walked by the river and threw the book i...

Due to the quarantine I have finished 3 books.

Yes, I know, that’s a LOT of coloring.

I wrote down on a piece of paper several books I wanted to read about substances that speed up chemical reactions, and told my kitten to go out and get them for me.



I gave my catalyst.

Why don't libraries offer books on suicide?

Because they're never returned

Breaking news: Sean Connery had a bunch of books fall on him.

When asked what happened, he said, "I'm ok, I only have my shelf to blame."

I found that the first four books of the Harry Potter series to be light hearted.

The fifth one ——dead Sirius.

I went to the bookstore the other day and asked the lady at the front if she had any books on turtles

She was like "hardback?"
And I'm like "yeah and little heads"

My buddies and I were playing poker with children’s story books and I got a good hand.

Read em and sleep boys

I came home and found my books all over the floor

There's nobody to blame but my shelf.

My girlfriend spends all my money on Harry Potter books and merchandize

How do i tell her it's not hermoine

A man goes to a doctor

A man goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"

The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like t...

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