A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.

She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

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A man books a Doctor's appointment for his huge penis.

He books the appointment with the doctor and goes into to see him and explains,

"D-d-d-d-docter I have a really bad s-s-s-stutter caused by all the b-b-b-b-blood going to my huge p-p-p-p-penis"

The doctor takes a look and can see that is the case. They come to an agreement that the man...

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How does a horny librarian sort books?

They use the do me decimal system.

Books about earthquakes are extremely popular.

They're literally flying off the shelves.

Have you read books?

They are just a remix of the dictionary.













This joke may be one here. I thought of it but someone else may have.

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I don't have to get a job to live, I don't live in my parents house, I have sex often, I read books and workout daily!

Can't wait to get out of jail

What happens when the God Of Thunder starts writing books?

He becomes an author.

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bi...

A guy walks into a bookstore and asks for a book on Pavlov and Schrodinger.

The book keeper says it rings a bell but he doesn't know if it is there or not.

My girlfriend said she wanted to buy some books before we had even put our new bookcase together.

I said “let’s not get ahead of our shelves”.

A father bought a lie detector which hit people when they lied.

His young son said, “I have no naughty books!”

The machine quickly hit him.

His father saw that and scolded his son, “When I was your age, I didn’t have such books!”

The machine quickly hit him.

The mother saw what happened and laughed and said, “Oh, you are truly father ...

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Jack and Jill have grown up.

They've graduated from college, and got a job at the same company. One day, while going through the books and after much deliberation, their boss decides he must lay off one employee. Jack and Jill are the most recent hires, so it must be one of them. The problem is he hired them at the same time, a...

Earlier I saw someone throwing Stephen King books at people. I asked why they were doing that...

Then IT hit me.

I can't believe my literature teacher is forcing me to read and analyze one of George Orwell's books.

It's literally 1984.

A Service

A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of...

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Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.

I have a friend who has sex 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service.

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day in...

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.

The fifth one though was dead Sirius.

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The Position

A young woman with oozing sores on her elbows and knees went to see a doctor. "You've got to help me," she said. "These sores won't heal. I can't wear any long sleeves or slacks, and they look awful." The doctor consulted his medical books and finally said, "I can only come up with one question to h...

I walked into the book store and asked the guy, “Do you have any books by Shakespeare?”

Bookseller: Of course. Which one?

Me: William.

All the comic books I inherited from my older brother had their last pages missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

Scottish Trade

A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

"Excuse me Miss, day ye harv eni books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says,

"Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"

I bought several books on how to overcome artificial intelligence.

I saw them advertised on my Facebook.

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A librarian was organizing her books when a man in a dark suit walked up.

"Hey, I'm Steven. I'll pay you $20000 if you show me your nipples tomorrow."

The librarian was shocked. $20000 was a solid 6 months of work. Dumbfounded, she nodded her head. Steven then left without a word of acknowledgement.

That night, the librarian had a lot trouble falling asleep...

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