A man died when a pile of books fell on him

He only had his shelf to blame

A Person walks into a bookstore and says "Can I have a book by Shakespeare?" The bookkeeper replies, "Of Course sir, which one?"

William.

A woman walks into a library and asks where books about paranoia are.

The librarian says "They're right behind you!"

Boomers: kids these days don't know what books are.

**Gen Z:** We're literally using the same textbooks you had. My math book references West Germany.

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

why don’t libraries have books about suicide?

They don’t get returned.

Books I’d recommend

‘Excel in Maths’ by Cal Q. Luss

’Marine Giants’ by Meg LeDonne

‘DIY Automotive Repair’ by Carly King

‘Orchestral Percussion’ by Tim Penny

‘I Got Away With a Minor Crime’ by Jay Walker

‘Nordic Vodka’ by Finn Landia

I wondered why all the books about vampires were set in Europe or America but never Africa.

Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water and they bless the rains down in Africa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my daughter for the phone book

She called me old-fashioned, a dinosaur, etc. and handed me her phone.



So now the phone’s broken, the spider’s dead and my daughter’s pissed.

A man went into a library and asked “Do you have any books on shelving"?

The librarian said, “yes all of them”!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vicar books into a hotel and says to the hotel clerk "I hope the porn channel is my room is disabled?"

She says "No sir, it's just regular porn. You sick bastard."

I went to the bookstore and found a book entitled “How to solve 50% of your problems”

So I bought two.

I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia

she leaned in close and whispered ‘they’re behind you’

Where can you find books on untrustworthy cheese?

At a lie-brie

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted and funny.

The fifth was dead Sirius.

What’s it called when multiple bookshelves of books falls on you?

A title wave

Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.

Baste on a true story.

I inherited a bunch of comic books from my brother, but all of them had the last page missing.

I had to draw my own conclusions.

I asked the librarian if she would direct me to the "self help" books.

She said "that sort of defeats the purpose doesn't it"

What is the best thing to do if you buy books on immigration but don't enjoy reading them?

You send them back.

I just purchased a cook book, not available on Amazon

It teaches how to cook books.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bookstore and asks "Hi, have you got that new book about tiny penises?"

The lady behind the counter says "I don't think it's in yet"

The man says "yep, that's the one".

If a person who reads lots of books is a bookworm, what do you call a person who listens to lots of tapes?

Old

Sean Connery was arranging the books in his personal library when the wooden plank gave away and all the books fell on him..

His maid rushed to the scene and asked " are you alright, sir ?"

Sean : "it'sh ok..I only have my shelf to blame ."

I thought my son was spending way too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

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